Hi! I've never done this before, not sure how it works but I am desparate from some insight and opinions. Thoughts are whirling around in my mind and they're not getting any traction anymore.
DH and I are in total collapse and I feel I'm in freefall. For 9 months now I have been waiting for DH to make his decision: stay in this country with me and the kids or move back home alone. In the beginning I asked every day whether or not he knew what he was doing or not. He was pretty cold and non/committal. After 3 months of this I gave up asking and am still waiting and I am becoming a shadow of who I used to be.
DH and I are living with our two kids (both under 8), together. We moved here a while ago and decided to make a go of it. I'm from here, obviously speak the language. DH does not, he's made half-attempts at learning the language...but still doesn't speak enough to be able to converse problem-free with the kids' friends, for example. He misses and has missed so much of the stuff the kids have said over the years. We have communication issues, I'm very expressive, he is not. In September he came home and announced that he was likely losing his job. Instead of trying like mad to find something here he started talking about leaving me and the kids to go back to his old job in his home country (a job he loves etc etc etc ). His CV was requested by an employer here, he didn\t even both to hand it over. Almost two months ago it was confirmed: he was being made redundant. He\s tried, in my opinion half-heartadly to find other work. I think he wants to leave and has set things up in such a way that this will be the only choice. I've tol him I dont care what work he does, the kids dont care, I've asked him to stay. To no avail.
I am at my witt's end. I can\t plan anything, I feel completely brushed aside and my heart breaks for the kids. I have begged and pleaded for information from him, so that at least I can start planning single mumihood while balancing a full time job. Nothing happens. I\ve asked for him to draw up a list of how he will meet his oblligations from afar. That took 6 months and even then it was incomplete and mostly stuff that I had said as an example (calls, on skype, holidays etc etc).
What also irks me and causes me much pain is that I left a career that I loved about 9 years ago to start a life with him abroad. I thought I could do both...but during that 9 year period we had two kids and that's been amazing and consuming :) I only started working fulltime again 2 years ago. It was supposed to be my turn now to work with something that I love. But I would never ever ever ever consider leaving the kids to go live in another country.
When he started talking about moving initially I told him I couldn't carry on, I wanted to separate. That was ages ago. I'm incredibly unhappy, but had hoped that he would stay, fight for us, be with the kids. And even if not with me that he would be a proper father for his kids by being at least in the same country as them. I'ts so so sad and the kids love their father. He says he wants to work things out. But he\s not willing to stay in the same country to do this.
I second guess myself all the time, what could I have done differently, am I missing something? Is my anger, hurt, justified? What would you all do?
There's my ramble :(.
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Relationships
DH leaving for another country / Separation? (long)
9 replies
penpaper · 02/04/2014 15:01
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