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I think DP wants to end our relationship and I don't trust him

(12 Posts)
HellyKelly Wed 02-Apr-14 10:08:12

Have noticed recently that he's constantly trying to argue with me. He's getting at me about every little thing. A couple of days ago DS lost his bus pass and kicked up a fuss, dp insisted he was lying (I thought so to to be honest as he's done it before) but DP then decided that he'd not bother with DS anymore as he's totally sick of his behaviour. It turned out DP had taken the bus pass to work with him by accident so DS wasn't lying. No apologies were made. We both work full time and now DP is starting to refuse to help me with packed lunches on a night etc stating that he's no longer going to do "everything". He discounts the fact that I do the entire washing for the household, the ironing, dinner most nights etc etc.

Anyway all this is by the by, his overall body language towards me has changed. And now I've just discovered that he's been looking up 3 bedroomed houses with a much smaller mortgage on rightmove. He'd only need 3 bedroomed if I didn't move with him.

Now I don't trust him. All of a sudden he's wanting to buy brand new laminate flooring for our house when up until now he's only ever wanted second hand and in hindsight he mentioned a couple of nights ago that crap flooring is one major thing that puts people off buying houses.

I don't trust him as my name is NOT on the mortgage or the deeds so I'm terrified he's just going to sell my home, that I have been contributing towards since we moved in from under my nose. As I'm currently a student, I can't buy or rent anywhere else either as I have no guarantor. I'm becomming ultra paranoid that he's about to screw me over big style here but won't admit it until it's too late.

To my face he still says he loves me etc etc but even that is said in a slightly different tone now.

We're supposed to be buying the laminate flooring tomorrow.

minmooch Wed 02-Apr-14 10:14:13

You need to talk to him. Sit down and ask him calmly the questions to which you want straight answers. If he does not answer in a way that you are satisfied with seek professional advice as to what your position is and what he can and cannot do without your knowledge/approval.

phoolani Wed 02-Apr-14 10:19:07

If you're not married, you're pretty much screwed. If you are, you need to register your interest in the home at the Land Registry. If not, you'll have to go to court to try and get a beneficial interest in the home recognised. Have a look here: england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/relationship_breakdown/cohabiting_couples

2rebecca Wed 02-Apr-14 10:46:34

How old is your son? Is he his son too?
This is why you shouldn't live with a man and have kids without getting married or your name on the deeds as otherwise you are just a lodger.
You can refuse to get the laminate flooring and discuss the situation and maybe see a solicitor.

scarletforya Wed 02-Apr-14 10:49:17

Shit Op, do you think he's met someone else?

Lweji Wed 02-Apr-14 10:53:03

Do you have savings?

You may not need a guarantor (I rented before having a job), but you will need a deposit.

Quitelikely Wed 02-Apr-14 11:04:46

If you're a student your college/uni will have a fund that will help you with a deposit for accommodation. So don't worry about that. Also some unis have family accommodation too.

I agree he is acting shifty. Only way to find out is present him with the facts above and see what he says.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Wed 02-Apr-14 11:10:57

Get to a lawyer immediately and start seeing what you can do to register an interest in the house. I don't know what the legal position is here but yes, right now you are screwed as you are not married.

How are the finances organised?

I'd be looking into how much a court case would cost to register your interest in the house, getting the ducks in a row and then trying your best to get the funds in advance of him knowing anything.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Wed 02-Apr-14 11:11:52

I would NOT talk to him about anything before speaking to a solicitor.

Do it today-get a free half hour. And look online- cover your tracks though.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone Wed 02-Apr-14 11:16:47

OP:

www.civilpartnerships.org.uk/BeneficialInterest.htm

This on very first google. Mentions cohabitees too. Solicitor, now! If you have child together and have been together since before buying the house, it might be straightforward, but still would need a court case.

I cannot advise you strongly enough that, even if you start this ball rolling and he acts horrified and reassures you, see this through. Get that interst registered and DO NOT be deflected. You are in a horribly vulnerable position. Please sort it and see it for the emergency it is.

Dirtybadger Wed 02-Apr-14 11:18:01

Yes speak to a Solicitor first. If you're right and you "spook" him he might take things a lot quicker than otherwise planned.

Silly question but how does 3 beds = no you? Surely you share a room? Sorry of I've missed something obvious.

Regardless, if your gut is telling you something has changed and is wrong...it's likely to have some basis

Good luck thanks

2rebecca Wed 02-Apr-14 11:33:22

I think the details of how long you've been together and who has how many kids from previous relationships is important here. If he needs 3 bedrooms without you it sounds as though he has at least 2 kids from a previous relationship and then you have kids from a previous relationship in other rooms if you need more rooms together so maybe you haven't been together that long.

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