Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is there ever a good way to tell a woman you think she should lose weight?

(101 Posts)
aw11 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:04:49

Ok, so let me start by saying that this is not a huge problem for me and this is meant more of a lighthearted thread than a request for advice.....but.....my mrs has been putting on a fair bit of weight and is now quite chubby. She's never been skinny and I wouldn't want her to be, however it's getting to the stage where she's definatly overweight iyswim?

As I say it's not a big deal but I've been thinking about how I could approach the subject and help her stop putting more weight on? She sometimes moans about it to me but doesn't seem that bothered, but it's not healthy or a good way to be heading.

*awaits massive flaming*

Lovingfreedom Tue 01-Apr-14 12:07:01

Next time she asks if her bum looks big in this, reply 'I can't see it, the back end of that bus is in the way'... That's the subtle way to tell her. Good luck!

joanofarchitrave Tue 01-Apr-14 12:07:17

'She sometimes moans about it to me'

That would be your way in.

TBH it's one of those things that people have to work out for themselves. I gained weight hugely in my mid twenties and have never really lost it, I'm afraid, though I make periodic efforts.

I lose weight most effectively when we have no money for food - consider leaving your jobs so that your income plummets?

onetiredmummy Tue 01-Apr-14 12:08:59

Why don't you leave her & start dating supermodels instead who can keep up with your own obviously flawless appearance.

aw11 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:09:08

Compare her bum to a bus and make ourselves destitude.....good effort guys!

JokersGiggle Tue 01-Apr-14 12:11:10

Buy her beautiful panties in her old size?

joanofarchitrave Tue 01-Apr-14 12:11:14

grin

It's not great when you watch someone stuffing themselves. Basically there isn't an answer.

Do you cook healthy foods, small portions? Having your family used to small portions is one of the simplest things you can do. And perhaps only drinking when you go out? Depends what you think the culprit is in terms of her weight gain - has she stopped doing a sport because she'd rather be with you smile but has carried on eating the same amount?

BeforeAndAfter Tue 01-Apr-14 12:11:50

When she moans about her weight say you'd like to get fitter and suggest you start a joint health / fitness kick.

I don't think you can tell her outright.

ClementineKelandra Tue 01-Apr-14 12:12:01

Could you take up a hobby together that involves a bit of exercise? You don't even need to mention her weight, just say you fancy getting out for a long walk, bike ride etc.

Mollydoggerson Tue 01-Apr-14 12:12:33

I tell my husband he is setting a bad example to our kids by eating unhealthy foods too often and by piling on the lbs (in fairness I am at the very top end of healthy weight myself - so I can't be too preachy, but he is creeping into obese territory).

It's not fair on me to be the sole family police person when it comes to food and diet and modelling good patterns for the kids. My husband does heed this approach, he is responsible for modelling good life approaches too. He has stoped piling on the lbs, but it is hard to get them off once we allow them on.

KiKiKiKi Tue 01-Apr-14 12:12:38

Have you gained weight too?

Ivehearditallnow Tue 01-Apr-14 12:12:42

Maybe she eats a lot of biscuits because her husband is such a pig?

Here, give her one from me biscuit

PS: On the chance this is genuine, maybe suggest you get some 'fresh air' together (a walk, a cycle, take the dog out, whatever) by the sea or somewhere pretty - now that the weather is nicer. A gentle way in to suggesting being more active might spark an interest in you both getting more fit...

But then, I'm guessing you've got rippling abs, right? Hope so... or she might be looking for a 'good way' to tell you you're fat from strangers on the internet. Or a 'good way' to tell you she's been at it with the post man...

kaizen Tue 01-Apr-14 12:13:18

I asked my ex if he thought i'd put on weight, and he said in a very gentle, yorkshire way that maybe i'd eaten a few too many pies...it worked for me as he hesitated before he said it so i knew it was true..it was hard work though. He also used to grab my 'rolls' (I don't recommend that, though that's not why he's my ex...)

Botanicbaby Tue 01-Apr-14 12:15:21

"Is there ever a good way to tell a woman you think she should lose weight?"

- I'd imagine you do it in the same way you'd tell a man you think he should lose weight OP.

Ivehearditallnow Tue 01-Apr-14 12:15:58

LOL at Kaizen - yes, I'm originally from Yorkshire and the men in my family would say 'blimey, love - you've piled it on!' or something... eeesh.

aw11 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:16:57

Joan - Actually of the past couple of weeks I've subtly introduced the no drinking 'til the weekends thing i.e. not going down the offy every night. Though this was for me as much as anything else! And yes, I've been trying to also subtly change our eating habits. It's harder than you think to cut down the portion sizes when you're used to the size we are!

No sports for her, tho I do try and encourage wild, energetic sex as much as possible (tmi??).

Oakmaiden Tue 01-Apr-14 12:18:36

Do you really think she doesn't already know?

mspmsp Tue 01-Apr-14 12:19:15

No there is no good way to tell a woman to lose weight. A female friend maybe, a partner... No. Leave her alone. I would go ape shit if someone I was in a relationship said something about my weight to me. Because after you've said it no matter how much you protest that its no big deal, she will not see it that way, and she will likely feel very judged by you and it would ruin the whole feeling of always being beautiful in your eyes. Plus she probably won't believe you that it doesn't bother you, because why mention it if its not a problem?
I had a boyfriend 'jokingly' make comments about the way I looked (witches chin, apparently. Oh and chubby man arms. Amongst others) and in mind those comments totally over ruled anything nice he had ever said.
So to summarise, Nope, don't do it. And if she asks any weight related questions... Run/hide, there's no right answer to these questions, us women can be scary ;)

joanofarchitrave Tue 01-Apr-14 12:23:48

'It's harder than you think to cut down the portion sizes when you're used to the size we are!'

Bwahahahaha. Yes, that's entirely the point - I know EXACTLY how hard it is. There's your key problem, by the sound of it.

aw11 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:24:12

kiki - no I do a fair bit of exercise and am in pretty good shape. Ivehearditall - not quite rippling abs but from a distance, in the right light and at the right angle you might think you can see my tummy muscles! Anyway, why am I such a pig? I love and adore her, but it's not good to be overweight.

aw11 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:27:11

mspmsp - this is what I thought! Just nod and smile, eh?

maggiemight Tue 01-Apr-14 12:27:50

Can you take up something which you want her to join you in. Swimming, hill walking, jogging, tennis, badminton. If she is overweight she will soon find that climbing hills etc is v hard and might choose to make a change.

mspmsp Tue 01-Apr-14 12:28:14

Also do not subtly try to get her to lose weight that seems a bit like secretly trying to make her "good enough" for you.
no one is forcing you to be with her and unless she is literally getting to a very very unhealthy weight then it is her business certainly not yours. She gives you access to her body either appreciate it and stop trying to improve her or bugger off if its not good enough for you.
And yeah, its so not a big deal and you don't mind which explains why you've been thinking how to tell her and start threads on the internet about it.

aw11 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:30:34

Oakmaiden - I'm sure she probably does, but isn't that bothered. Question is how to approach the subject without the hurt feeling mspmsp describes so well? I think Joan is right, it the old "calories in > calories out".

Frith1975 Tue 01-Apr-14 12:32:02

Is this an April Fool.....?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now