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To relocate or not? Please help me get my thoughts together

(6 Posts)
DIYandEatCake Mon 31-Mar-14 21:47:11

Dp and I have been settled in our town for 7 years now, have bought a house and just finished improving it to get it how we want it. We have 2 young children, 3yo and 4mo (I'm a sahm). Out of the blue the other week dp said that his job might be at risk, and rather than look for another near here he wanted us to think about moving to live close to his parents - they live in a city and he thinks there are more jobs there, plus he quite reasonably said it would be good to have family close (we live an hour away from them at the moment, 3 hours from mine and that would stay about the same). If we're going to move then now, before the dcs start school, would be the best time.
Problem is I love where we live, I have good friends, feel really happy and settled and don't want to move. I don't like the city where dp's parents live, and I'd feel bad for my parents that the dcs would see pil far more and build a much stronger relationship with them, though perhaps that's a silly and selfish thought.
Dp has been suffering with anxiety and stress, hasn't made that many friends here and seems to think a move would solve his problems. I'm not so sure, though I know he would love to be nearer his family (so would I to mine, but that's not so possible as they live down South where property prices are higher).
I feel so torn. Help! Anyone got experience of a similar decision?

grants1000 Tue 01-Apr-14 15:44:40

I'd ensure he gets a job first, then moves. You can't do much without that. My DH's job has been all over the place, but we've stayed put as we need a stable base for the children.

Dahlen Tue 01-Apr-14 15:51:42

What you want and need counts in all this. As a SAHM your adult network can be very limited and that can be damaging to your mental health and your ability to cope. If you make friends easily, that's not a big consideration, but if you struggle to make new friends, it is a huge consideration. For many people the route into a network is through work, which is why it is often the case that SAHPs married to WOHPs who frequently move find it much harder to adjust to live in a new location.

At the same time, don't let familiarity with your current situation and fear of a new one put you off what might otherwise a great idea. That will depend on the sort of job your DH gets and the opportunities it brings.

I understand your anxiety about your Ps being 'secondary' GPs to your DC but I wouldn't factor that in to your decision to move TBH. Trying to be fair to both sets of parents could simply result in your DC being deprived of a meaningful relationship with either.

In your shoes, the compromise I'd go for (dependent on your ability to make friends) would be for your DH to look for jobs in both areas. Depending on what comes up when, the decision could become much easier to make.

DIYandEatCake Wed 02-Apr-14 23:25:30

Thanks dahlen that is really helpful. I think part of my reluctance is that I do find it very hard to make friends, but after 7 years here I have and am really happy. The thought of having to start at square one all over again is daunting, though I'm aware that part of this is fear of change.

fairylightsintheloft Wed 02-Apr-14 23:42:27

we are desperate to relocate to the other end of the country - would solve all of our financial issues and be nearer family but we do need the jobs to materialise have to be practical. BUT if you are really settled where you are, don;t make any quick decisions

LineRunner Wed 02-Apr-14 23:49:20

An hour is an easy commute to some people.

So I agree it would be best for your husband to job hunt both where you are now, and the city an hour away, and see what comes up. You still wouldn't necessarily have to move if he can commute - but I think you do have to address his possible unhappiness.

Are you planing to work outside the home in future years? Is your current location going to be good for that? And good luck.

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