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Daters/Online daters - what comments/behaviour instantly think "nope?"

(304 Posts)
JonSnowKnowsNothing Mon 31-Mar-14 19:14:31

I'm mildly addicted to flicking through profiles on POF. Rarely meet anyone. Sometimes I end up chatting to people but mostly I barely even continue past a few messages. I know I'm intolerant but so many things annoy me:
* Self-proclaimed music snobs who send you links to "awesome" bands and have a 30 strong list of the most obscure bands possible on their profile. Hate being forced to listen to some else's music - it just guarantees I will dislike it.
* Men who try so hard to sound reasonable and "modern man" but slip up with gems such as "I don't mind you having your own career," or "looking for a passionate girl but not TOO opinionated, lol."
* Anyone who tells anyone to "jog on" (cringe)
*People who message, then follow it up five minutes later with "You there?" "Not talking then?" or "Oh...ok then....bye."

What are your instant turn-offs?

Disclaimer - I'm very aware I'm not perfect and probably have many irritating aspects to my personality!

niceboots Mon 31-Mar-14 21:30:09

Photos taken of themselves with a mobile phone in the bathroom!
My exH joined OKC soon after we decided to separate, but while we were living in the same house. I joined OKC after he moved out and was instantly matched to him, so obviously I saw his profile and pretty much all his photos were taken in the spare room's en suite or his car. I think it's a reasonably likely indicator someone is possibly married or living with someone. In my exH it was legit that we had split up, but quite possibly not always the case with bathroom/car selfies.

gilmoregirl Mon 31-Mar-14 21:30:41

A photo with their top off. Especially if taken reclining on their bed, in front of their mirrored wardrobes, still wearing their suit trousers

gilmoregirl Mon 31-Mar-14 21:32:02

Not knowing the difference between 'there' and 'their' and very often in fact 'they're'

gilmoregirl Mon 31-Mar-14 21:32:51

A photo with their ex wife / girl friend's hair, hand, shoulder in it

gilmoregirl Mon 31-Mar-14 21:57:58

niceboots shock I didn't even think of that. Yuck.

Stillcomingtoterms Mon 31-Mar-14 22:06:18

Photos of them in the gym mirror.
Photos of them downing shots with their mate's
And photos of them doing a sport that involves a helmet or pics if their dogs. What's the point of putting a picture on there if you can't see them

gilmoregirl Mon 31-Mar-14 22:12:45

Oh yes, there are a lot of dogs!

mummyOF4darlings Mon 31-Mar-14 22:25:46

I think the thing that used to bug me the most was "have you any more pics?" "would you go on cam"

Oh and i admit i am fairly busty and its obvious in my pics no matter how modestly dressed i am its always been one of the first things the guys have talked about

MamaPingu Mon 31-Mar-14 22:33:03

A picture of a car grin

Never a good sign!

To me that's basically "women want men with nice cars, I'll show em what I've got" wink

bouncyagain Mon 31-Mar-14 22:39:05

Every post on this thread confirms for me yet again that online dating is totally awful. At the risk of being a tinder evangelist, there is none of the list garbage on tinder. A short profile, and a few photos. That's enough.

TheVictorian Mon 31-Mar-14 22:48:36

text speak, lack of interest in current affairs.

Dwerf Mon 31-Mar-14 22:51:54

Bah, I wanted to try Tinder but neither my phone nor tablet will run it.

OrangeAndPurple Mon 31-Mar-14 23:04:43

Anyone holding a dead fish.
Anyone claiming to be a 'proffesional'
Anyone who says 'Hiya babe wanna chat'
And guys claiming to be doctors on POF hmm

Whiskwarrior Mon 31-Mar-14 23:05:20

What IS Tinder? I get the impression it's just for quick hook-ups? Would anyone care to enlighten me?

sebsmummy1 Mon 31-Mar-14 23:07:48

Guys that describe themselves as a 'nice guy' then get all stroppy about the fact that this means they come last as girls only ever want 'bad guys'. I always read this as I have a huge chip on my shoulder and am massively insecure and probably still live with their Mother.

Guys that still live with their Mother wink

Pictures of stupid cars/ motorbikes

Pictures of their kids

Painting a picture of a frenetic social life that has no capacity for a relationship whatsoever. If they are not out on the lash every weekend then they are skydiving or climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on their day off.

The very angry types that fill their profile with rants about bad spelling and time wasters/exes

The ones that ask you if you like anal sex after about two messages

The ones that imply you are far because they can't see a full body shot and want confirmation that you are not.

Guys that take photos of themselves in bed or with their tops off. Particularly if they have no muscle tone whatsoever!!

sebsmummy1 Mon 31-Mar-14 23:08:59


Whiskwarrior Mon 31-Mar-14 23:14:41

Painting a picture of a frenetic social life that has no capacity for a relationship whatsoever. If they are not out on the lash every weekend then they are skydiving or climbing Mount Kilimanjaro on their day off.

God, yes, this doesn't give you much hope really, does it?

Perfectlypurple Mon 31-Mar-14 23:16:10

The guy who in the first message told me how long it would be before he proposed, when we would get married and have kids etc. Sent me a very abusive message when I didn't take him up on it then blocked me so I couldn't reply!

MamaPingu Mon 31-Mar-14 23:23:49

God perfectlypurple isn't that what us women want, commitment? winkgrin
Some women moan men don't want to commit and you get a man who seems like a keeper and spells out your life for you and you ignore his messages?!

I genuinely don't have a clue what goes on in their heads people like him grin he must have been fantasising looking at your profile picture what you are like and conversations you'd have together and what the babies will be called and look like shock

bouncyagain Mon 31-Mar-14 23:24:16

Tinder can be for hook ups but if you treat it carefully then it is a nice safe way to find a relationship.

JupiterGentlefly Mon 31-Mar-14 23:30:54

'You look nice'
'Wanna chat?'
Those one line emails. . Grrr

Scornedwoman67 Mon 31-Mar-14 23:33:38

men who can't spell

those that spend their whole life skiing and skydiving

anyone wearing a football shirt or is topless in their photos

anyone who calls me babe or hun

any man who is looking for someone twenty years younger

Scarletohello Mon 31-Mar-14 23:39:44

Loving this thread! Yes to so many of these, bad spelling, text speak, one liners, rubbish photos etc. so glad it's not just me! I really don't understand where these guys are coming from and why they don't understand why it's so off putting for us. Sometimes I actually give them feedback about how badly they are coming across cos some of them just don't have a clue!

One guy I was going to meet refused to give me his mob no and when I asked him whatnot he said it was in case I turned out to be a ' bunny boiler'. Massive red flag straight away! So I told him I found that term extremely offensive and that I wasn't going to meet him. Of course he sent me loads of apologetic messages begging me to meet him after that but I never did ( think my feminist self respect had been strengthened by Mumsnet by that time. Yay MN! )

Scarletohello Mon 31-Mar-14 23:40:47

*why not, not what not!

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 31-Mar-14 23:41:03

Photos with kids. I would tell the men who sent me messages that I thought this was a turn off, some took it on board. One (photo of him and small baby), replied: I HAVEN'T SEEN MY KID IN 6 MONTHS YOU CUNT. I wasn't surprised.

Anyone who lists their hobbies as football and snooker.
The bitter. There are quite a few.
The bloke who kindly offered me £280 to sleep with him.grin. Don't know how he came up with that figure, I didn't even post a photo.
Those who send a message that just says "Hi".

I liked OND as I found it really easy to weed out the wankers and it was an entertaining way to spend an evening.

In the end I had two dates. One was lovely and we had a great evening, but there was no spark. The second is my boyfriend and will be moving in later this year.grin

I was however disappointed to not have any disastrous date stories to tell my mates.sad

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