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Feel sick at idea of wedding dress shopping with niece

(10 Posts)
monkeynuts123 Mon 31-Mar-14 14:05:32

I have also posted this in AIBU, I hope it is ok to be here too, I know there is always good advice on the relationship board.

My niece is getting married and wants me to help her shop for her wedding dress. 10 years ago my sister (a narc and bully), her mother, tried her very best to ruin my wedding day and the lead up to it, including wedding dress shopping. I just feel sick at the idea of sharing in my nieces joy when my joy was practically destroyed by her family and she also did a few cruel things to me over my wedding. My relationship with her mother, my sister is strained to say the least and practically no contact. I just can't suddenly put the past behind me with no apologies from either of them and start trotting about happily looking at wedding dresses. I think this situation will set me up for more attacks and I will have allowed it to happen. Or am I snapping an olive branch?

Logg1e Mon 31-Mar-14 14:07:20

Your niece was cruel to you?

Why are you getting involved with the wedding dress shopping at all?

Logg1e Mon 31-Mar-14 14:07:48

How old was your niece when you were getting married?

WhatWouldCaitlinDo Mon 31-Mar-14 14:09:25

Why did she ask you to go wedding dress shopping? Will her Mum be there?

CailinDana Mon 31-Mar-14 14:09:35

God no. My sister is a narc and a bully who spoiled aspects of my wedding. If any man is ever stupid enough to marry her I'll go to the wedding but I won't do anything beyond that.

You need to protect yourself.

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 14:18:55

You could vote for some of these

struggling100 Mon 31-Mar-14 15:11:33

Don't go. This is clearly still very emotional for you as an issue, and if there's any chance that you will get angry or upset you may ruin her day.

I find it slightly unusual that you are still upset to this degree 10 years on from the wedding. Either your sister did something completely unforgiveable (like trying to sleep with your partner), or you perhaps have this out of proportion? None of us can prevent someone from being nasty to us, but we can control the way that we respond - your sister can only wreck your joy in your wedding if you choose to allow her to do so. The main thing about the wedding, after all, is the relationship at the heart of it, right?

NMFP Mon 31-Mar-14 15:45:14

Depends on your relationship with your niece. If she was nasty to you over the wedding and was quite young it might have been that she was fitting in with others, and didn't realise.

Is there any chance she wants to use this opportunity to bond with you a bit more? She might feel it is a very special thing to ask you to do with her and its because she wants you by her side. Maybe she's sussed out her mum!

4merlyknownasSHD Mon 31-Mar-14 15:51:19

I am with NMFP on this one. May be this is an opportunity to actually share in the joy now, that you could/should have had 10 years ago. Your niece is not your sister. It would be a shame to lower yourself to your sister's level and spoil things for your niece.

AndTheBandPlayedOn Mon 31-Mar-14 15:58:04

Maybe it is bait. Your sister could have suggested to your niece to contact you and try to involve you...set up for the wedding drama later. Leave it, do not participate. As said above, attend the ceremony, if invited (but be ready to not be invited if you refuse to get sucked in), and nothing else (well, give a modest gift if you feel like it).

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