Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Practical stuff about splitting up. Advice appreciated.

(15 Posts)
Wheresmysocks Mon 31-Mar-14 00:08:17

One of the things stopping me telling dp it's over, is that he has no where to go. No parents or relatives. He has one close friend but he doesn't have the space for dp to stay with him.

Dp would be lucky to find a room to rent. He definitely can't afford a flat in London.

I feel really bad about this but I know the relationship isn't going to improve but I feel bad making him leave.

We have 4 dc & i own the house.

How did other people deal with problem?

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 00:27:02

You realise it is his problem?

Wheresmysocks Mon 31-Mar-14 00:42:31

He doesn't know yet...

Theirs no big fall out/ affairs/ DV/ EA. I want things to be as amacable as possible.

With my 1st dh, he left me.

Do people set a date?

How much notice is reasonable?

Do I ask him to go straight away?

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 00:48:00

From previous reads, from 2 weeks to a month is considered legally reasonable.

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 00:48:41

If you are married, though, it may not be that simple.
You may need to seek legal advice.

Wheresmysocks Mon 31-Mar-14 00:50:59

No we never married.

It's so hard to actually do:this!

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 00:56:48

I know. sad

It was hard for me and I had the best reasons to hate exH and not to help him.

Wheresmysocks Mon 31-Mar-14 01:10:22

I dislike dp intensely. He's a weak, spineless man. He's a disappointing partner. He doesn't do anything wrong. Nor does he really 'do' anything.

I've defended him to my family. Lied to my friends etc. I realise now he's never supported me. It hurts when I think of important things he let me down with...

I was so grateful to him for taking me on with 2 dc. I didn't expect him to do anything. I started to ask him to do stuff but he ignored me. I then demanded & he still ignored me.

So i have a choice. Waste more years hoping he'll start to support me financially & emotionally. As well as communicating with me. Or end the relationship.

It's simple when i put it like that!

eightandthreequarters Mon 31-Mar-14 01:18:42

Is he that father of 2 of your DC?

eightandthreequarters Mon 31-Mar-14 01:19:03

the father

Wheresmysocks Mon 31-Mar-14 01:24:44

He's the father of 4 of the dc. I had 2 dc when I met him.

eightandthreequarters Mon 31-Mar-14 01:41:26

Oooo, that's tricky. Give a reasonable deadline, then - a month? Six weeks? Could you live with that? Whatever you decide, make it clear that you won't extend it.

Can you be generous in other ways? Offer to help box things up, or hang onto things until he has a place for all his stuff? Can you afford to help him financially with a deposit (I imagine as the main support for 6 children, you can't!), or with the costs of moving. Anything you can do to try to maintain a reasonably civil relationship with him, but also shifting him out the door!

Get legal advice, as Lweji says.

Wheresmysocks Mon 31-Mar-14 01:49:47

My 2 dc are grown up now.

I don't intend on offering him financial help. It's a ridiculous situation but he's never fully supported me financially. There are no joint bank accounts or debts.

I imagine there will be tons of his crap here for a considerable length of time...we're talking 3 sheds & every cupboard in the house!

Will make some enquiries about legal advice but I can't imagine any complications - apart from getting money from him.

eightandthreequarters Mon 31-Mar-14 01:55:58

Sorry, OP! Not a great situation. Sounds like he just needs to go. I think one month is plenty of time to get sorted and move out; and two weeks would not be unreasonable.

Hopefully the CSA can get the money out of him to support his children.

Good luck!

Lweji Mon 31-Mar-14 06:44:57

Just note that now it's Child Maintenance Service.

You are doing the right thing.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now