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He has left/I've kicked him out- feel like a deflated saggy balloon.

(10 Posts)
Guylianlover Sun 30-Mar-14 22:16:43

I don't know who's in the wrong. Me and dp are going through a bit of a bad patch. Been together four years, have one infant dd.

I'm a SAHM, both our choice, I love it, but I struggle sometimes with regarding puttng my work on the back burner. I've always been a very independent person. I also have a dd who is 18 who lives with her bf.

Recently dd2 has been sleeping terribly and I've been like a zombie. I do every thing. All the child care, all the house work and go to work myself for a few hours on a weekend, just to keep my foot in. The deal was, dp is to take care of dd if she wakes as I have work early. But by the time he drags his arse out of bed, she is awake and won't settle and will have the whole house up- screaming.

When I get home from work the house is a shit hole. One day a week he has to pull his weight and dosnt. He will start cleaning up, when I arrive. I will actually tidy up before I go work, so the mess - and it's a fucking state, is all his doing. We had a big argument about it last night

I've gone off sex. I'm too tired, I don't fancy him any more , which I think he knows but he is trying to make an effort with his appearance I've noticed.

I feel like his mother rather than his equal partner. He is shit at following through with stuff and I always have to pick his slack up. At weekend he has X,Y,Z and really busy , so basically when I get in from work I'm left looking after dd2 by myself again. When I enquire what the fuck he has been doing it's something really pathetic .

He lies over small things, things to get him off a nag, spending too much on shit ect.. If he says he is going to place X he will ring from place Z , plans that we make will go out the window because he 'forgot'. I have zero trust in him.

Today dd1 was visiting. She is having a bit of space from her bf. She stayed over last night and the plan was to spend the day doing something, then early evening, dp was going to drive in to the city, drop her at her bf, get her work clothes , pick a take away up and come back .

Before we went to the activity I knew he had to do something after it. We discussed it with his dad who was going to help dp. When dropping us off he said won't be long!

I went to visit my dgm and left my phone at home. When I got back an hour later I had a missed call. Dp so I rang it. He was outside the fucking take away , 1 hours drive away, right near dd1 bf place, asking what we wanted to eat ?

He was with his mate. I told him to come back and I was pissed off as he knew dd was waiting to go with him. He said he 'forgot'.

When he got back, I went mad and spoke to him terribly.

Apparently dp couldn't do the job and the excuse he gave was wank, he could have fucking done it. He choose to go pick his mate up and go fir a fucking drive in the sun! He tried ringing me but I didn't pick up and I'd gone out.I told him he needed to grow the fuck up. He was a compulsive liar ect... Dd1 was in her room and heard every thing.

He was sat in his car out side and said he wasn't going back to town for food - which also not talking dd1 for her work clothes and I blew a gasket.

Called him spiteful, all the names under the sun don't bother coming back, why was he talking out on dd1.
He said he wasn't coming back anyway, he has had enough if not being able to do nothing right. I shouldn't have said it with ear shit if dd1 as it would have been embarrassing for him.

I feel I have to micro manage him - I don't know if I'm being too controlling. Sometimes I think I am but if I leave it to him , every thing would fuck up

Dd1 has had an argument with her bf because she has not gone to get her stuff , teen arguments.

Other than this sticky patch , we rarely argue. Enjoy each other company. But I just feel bogged down with having to be the fucking grown up all the time.

wine and flowers if you got this far.

pussycatdoll Sun 30-Mar-14 22:22:43

The stuff that happened today doesn't really matter

Your sentence I have zero trust in him does though

Sounds like you've made the right decision

LEMmingaround Sun 30-Mar-14 22:22:45

Sorry but you do sound a bit of a nightmare if im honest. Saying that he is a bit old to be off galavanting with his mates. Could you maybe be a bit more concise? Im not sure if yabu or not. I know its hard with big age gap

Guylianlover Sun 30-Mar-14 22:25:50

35 years old. I feel like he is 11 though.

What do I sound a nightmare over ?

Guylianlover Sun 30-Mar-14 22:26:56

I don't trust him pussy all the little white lies chip away

LEMmingaround Sun 30-Mar-14 23:02:33

probably just the ranty OP - sorry, didn't mean to sound shitty. i couldn't be doing with lying either.

Quitelikely Sun 30-Mar-14 23:04:07

You're obviously starting to resent him for not pulling his weight in respect to the baby and the house. This builds up and manifests itself in all sorts of ways if not resolved.

Tell him if he wants to be a dad it's time to start acting like one. At the minute it doesn't seem like you are getting an benefit of having him around.

He also seems to be trying to lay all the responsibility at your door for the baby and house.

Whatever you have said to him in the past obviously didn't work. I like to say, if nothing changes, nothing changes

Good luck OP

Guylianlover Sun 30-Mar-14 23:04:40

I didn't take it as shitty, if I'm out of order I'll take it. Just fed up, it possibly was an over reaction but it one thing after another.

LEMmingaround Sun 30-Mar-14 23:08:21

To be honest, the trust and the lies would be a deal breaker anyway, i think the micro-managing does sound a bit controlling, but honestly, it sounds like he needs it. He has turned you into a nag, also to disregard your dd1 was shitty too. Does he often take himself off and sulk like this?

Guylianlover Sun 30-Mar-14 23:14:27

Regarding the sulking - no. He is a big lad and can take a verbal bashing - which is all I do these days! moan moan fuckng moan.

I can't believe he did that to dd2, he is not normally that way inclined. I think he was more embarrassed or am I making excuses for his twatty behaviou.

He lied about the price of pure orange he bought.
He lied about how much money was owed on something.
He lied about filling in a fucking simple form which has now cost us money.

They are fibbs or misleading ect bt a lie is a fucking lie

Pathetic lies.

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