Sorry, long post ahead.
I've been with my OH for 4 years, we moved in together officially 2 years ago (although due to his crappy living arrangements he'd been staying with me for a lot longer), no DC involved. When we first got together I was suffering from extreme depression and PTSD, which he has supported me with. I'm now doing a lot better, mainly thanks to his support.
Lately things seem to have been very different. I think most of it is because I'm recovering from all of my mental health issues, so am now much more independent and able to think beyond how I'm going to get out of the house or how I'm going to reach the end of the day. The first couple of years together we were completely inseparable (we were one of those couples), gradually realised how unhealthy that was, and started to do more things without each other. Now it's gone completely the other way, and when we both get home from work we have dinner together and that's it. Because of both working shifts, we rarely have time off together and usually one of us has a really early start whilst the other is working late, so we very rarely even go to bed at the same time.
We both talk about our future, and about one day getting married and starting a family, but he doesn't seem to actively think about the future. Whilst I have a "life plan" with where I want to go with my career and where I see myself in 5/10/20 years time, OH is quite happy to just go along with wherever life takes him. I'm here climbing the career ladder, starting to save for a mortgage deposit, etc., and he;s very much living the student lifestyle still. I managed to pull some strings at my workplace and have got him a job working in my team (he did apply for it himself without my input, before anyone accuses me of interfering) which will be much better hours and pay than what he's currently earning, but now I'm worried that it was a bad decision.
Our sex life is pretty much non-existent. OH claims he's never enjoyed sex and while I try not to take it personally, it's difficult. I feel so guilty because I've started eyeing up other men (not that I would ever do anything) and feel more able to admit that I find others attractive, which I never would have dreamt of doing last year.
I feel guilty because I kind of feel like he's helped me to get better and now I'm throwing it in his face by being more confident, but I don't know if my confidence is at a healthy level or if I am just being horrible to him.
I don't know whether all of these changes are just due to the whole "honeymoon period" ending. My previous and only other relationship was a very abusive one, and I don't have any experience of a "normal" relationship, so I don't know if all of this is normal?
I'm sorry, I've just rambled lots really, but I'm so confused and worried about this.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is this just the end of the honeymoon period?
13 replies
jammygem · 30/03/2014 22:03
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.