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Does he actually want me?

(10 Posts)
muchtooshy Sun 30-Mar-14 21:25:05

I have been seeing a man for a little while and he seems to have gotten serious fast. I thought this was maybe because he knew what he was looking for and wasn't interested in being casual or messing about.

Then saw a comment on here about divorced men wanting a relationship and being a "I Want To Be In A Relationship And You'll Do" man. Made me second guess my judgement of him. I am inexperienced at relationships and have never been involved with an older man before. Or a divorced man. Or a man with a child. I don't really know what he sees in me.

He hasn't given me any reason to doubt him and I am falling for him fast.

MorrisZapp Sun 30-Mar-14 21:28:06

How fast, how serious?

muchtooshy Sun 30-Mar-14 21:40:38

Meeting his family and friends within a few weeks and not dating anyone else after our first date with each other.

MorrisZapp Sun 30-Mar-14 21:42:53

I wouldn't date anybody after meeting somebody I liked either, that's the British way of 'dating' isn't it!

Family and friends after a few weeks, doesn't sound so bad to me unless kids are involved.

If he hasn't given you reason to doubt him, then carry on.

muchtooshy Sun 30-Mar-14 21:46:06

I think it is - we met on line though so I don't know if it is the same.

I haven't met his son. It is too early for that to me. We spent our 4th date having dinner with his parents.

I really like him but am trying to be level headed too.

jayho Sun 30-Mar-14 22:00:12

Have you picked up all the red flags pointers from mumsnet?

aegeansky Sun 30-Mar-14 22:19:41

Hey, I am a divorced man, single parent with one child. I have tried the range of options available from no-strings sex through sussing women out over just one or two dates and leaving it there to (right now) falling in love again - although that's a bit of a messy situation. I think divorced men seem to vary greatly in their needs and drives, and I get surprising advice from people who're still married and fantasise about what they would do. I didn't set out to settle down with someone in a hurry, although my ex did, within six months of our divorce, choose someone with a ton of children from a previous marriage, and she and he seem very happy together.

I think meeting family and friends so early sounds full-on, but I guess if he wants a stable, long-term relationship with you, it's a very good way to assess what that could look like. Don't know if that helps any?

muchtooshy Mon 31-Mar-14 07:08:53

I didn't think much about red flags until I read on this board.

aegeansky - he isn't newly divorced - it has been about 6 years. He has said he is serious about me and doesn't see the point in playing games. He is close to his parents and sister so I guess he maybe wanted their opinion of me. I don't know what they thought though!!

That does help thank you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 31-Mar-14 09:37:05

Getting serious fast, especially when you're talking about an older (how much older?) man and a younger woman, is something that you should definitely stay level-headed about. Statistically men stay single for much less time than women after bereavement or relationship breakdown. They want a replacement and they can be quite calculated about getting one.

I know it's a nice romantic idea that plays well in novels and movies but no-one should be getting serious about anyone after just a few dates. He hardly knows you and vice versa. Meeting family is not an instant red flag but if he starts talking about undying love or suggesting you move in together, then be very careful.

There is a lot of opportunity for exploitation in the heady 'swept off your feet' situation and many people come a cropper by taking it on face value. If it's something good, it doesn't need to be rushed.

muchtooshy Mon 31-Mar-14 17:08:11

It isn't a huge age gap as he is 43 and I am 28. It is the biggest age difference for either of us though as both have only really been involved with people around our own ages. He has been divorced for 6 years and they were living apart before that.

He hasn't mentioned moving in or undying love. grin Bit early!! He has suggested I leave some stuff at his place though and did say he was falling for me.

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