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OH just told me we are more housemates than a couple

(6 Posts)
Rhinosaurus Sun 30-Mar-14 20:59:35

Been together 9 years, both late 40s, five kids between us - youngest now 16, two oldest have left home, the other three live with us with his two spending 3 nights a week at their mums.

He has just told me that he feels we are now more housemates than partners - I have to agree. We get on well enough, pay half the expenses into a joint account each every month and keep our respective wages (what's left). I tend to have quite a few nights out/in with my female friends a month, he has a hobby he does 3 times a week with his mates. We go on separate holidays / weekends away, very rarely do we go out just the two of us.

I think this probably happened once the kids were older and stopped wanting to go to places / on holiday with us - we both feel a bit redundant and have gone off looking for things to do that don't involve the other one.

Sex is pretty non existent, although we do both feel tired in the week - we both have demanding jobs which can be stressful. I don't fancy him, as I no longer feel close to him in that way.

It's both of our faults we have ended up like this as we have both gradually drifted apart, but I didn't know if this is what happens anyway when you have been together years - we have agreed that we are both happy going along like this for a bit, but is it sustainable? Can we live in companionship without one or the other of us wanting romance (possibly from another party which is what happened to his ex - I believe his marriage went the same way).

Am I selling myself (and him) short by continuing this relationship that is more or less two people who get on ok living together and sharing bills?

Bonsoir Sun 30-Mar-14 21:02:01

You could work at romance in your marriage?

EdithWeston Sun 30-Mar-14 21:06:07

You can live in companionship, if that is what you both want. But if he is raising it, it does suggest he sees it as a problem. What do you want?

mammadiggingdeep Sun 30-Mar-14 21:06:43

Do you WANT to fancy him? Do you want to be romantic with him?

Rhinosaurus Sun 30-Mar-14 21:11:12

I'd like things to be more "coupley" but not sure how to go about this, it would all seem a bit false and contrived.

He raised it, but has said he is quite happy to carry on like this, but is worried I am not happy, which if I am honest I am not happy. I feel as if I am not old enough to give up on sex and romance, although - and this sounds horrible but don't know how else to put it - I know it's difficult to meet anyone when you are older and I could end up on my own which I don't want either :-/

Confusing times....

RandomMess Sun 30-Mar-14 21:11:38

Well I certainly think you can try and rekindle the emotional intimacy and make time for each other as a couple, it is fairly likely to spark of the sexual side of things again IMHO.

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