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A difficult relationship...sorry long

(1 Post)
snowycat Sun 30-Mar-14 20:56:36

My relationship with my DH has been difficult for a while. We've been together 14 years and have
3 kids. One of them has ADHD and my DH has recently been diagnosed with ADHD too.
In the last few years my DH has become very
anxious and stressed about lots of issues, impatient, irritable and moody. He has tried a number of medications for the anxiety but to no avail so far.
I have tried to support him with his diagnosis
done lots of reading about strategies that might help him and try to be tolerant of some of his more difficult behaviour. This includes disorganisation, being agitated and fidgety, drinking excessively to relax, being impatient and irritable with the kids, lying, some rather reckless behaviour that has included some run ins with the police and some binge drinking. He is erratic about doing anything round the house whether its stacking the dishwasher or changing a light bulb so I do most of it myself now. He also had an email exchange with a colleague that turned sexual - his instigation- and he said in the email he wanted to meet her. I found the emails and he denied it was anything. Just "banter".
He can also be very antisocial when he's in one of his moods and be abrupt and almost rude to our friends and family when he feels like that.
I find it very difficult to discuss any issues with him as he reacts badly and becomes angry. He can't seem to empathise with me over how his behaviour affects me and the kids. He accuses me of blaming and nagging and says I like picking arguments with him.
I am an emotional person and can get easily upset especially if sleep deprived ( ds3 is 9 months and doesn't sleep well) but I always try and raise issues in a calm way and avoid raising my voice or sounding angry but I just try to explain that something he has done/ not done has upset me. For example at a recent social event where we didn't know many people he hardly spoke to anyone and spent most of the event playing on his phone. He is a sociable person when he's in the right mood. When I asked him what was wrong and that I had found his behaviour rather odd he got annoyed with me and said he didn't know the people there that well and didn't feel the need to get to know them as he wouldn't have anything in common with them.
I'm getting fed up with his behaviour and feel I can't totally trust him. He can be a flirt around attractive women and yet with me he is mostly cold, abrupt and stressed out.
Any thoughts on what to do? We've tried counselling a few times and he fell out with the counsellors twice as they apparently took my side!
Part of me still loves him and he can be great but he's also exhausting!

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