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Young mum facing separation, any help appreciated!

(14 Posts)
LittleBellaMummy Sun 30-Mar-14 20:02:38

I am new to mumsnet and really my first post here is me hoping to find a way to turn. I am 24 and have a DS who is 2, I have been with my DP for 7 years and over the last year things have began to turn sour. I'll try not to ramble on into too much detail but will give you the basics, my DP changed jobs just over a year ago he met some new people through this job and began using recreational drugs. Since then things have gone downhill so quickly. He started to get mood swings, sometimes being nice then suddenly getting sullen and moody, snapping at the slightest thing. Then came the laziness, when he is not working he hardly gets out of bed/moves of the sofa and never wants to go anywhere with me and DS and once DS is in bed I am on my own until he comes home around 11pm, and hardest of all he doesn't help out financially anymore, he provides me with a car (shared) but I am now left to pay rent/mortgage bills etc on a part time wage! When I mention this he threatens to leave me and I always hope he does, however I am scared of being a single mum taking on extra strain plus having to fund a new car that I have to have for work. I'm not looking for sympathy but perhaps just some advice from people who have been through separation before, and someone to talk to.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 30-Mar-14 20:07:37


I'm going through a separation at the minute too. Together 4 years, 9 month old DS.

If he's not contributing to the household financially then you will definitely be better off separating. You will get housing benefit, tax credits, council tax support and help with childcare costs.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know how much it hurts. thanks

somedizzywhore1804 Sun 30-Mar-14 20:10:32

Have I missed something? WHY on earth is he not contributing financially?

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 30-Mar-14 20:15:01

I suspect he's shoving the contents of his wallet up his nose instead of into the household, dizzy sad

LittleBellaMummy Sun 30-Mar-14 20:27:44

He has just stopped I can only assume his money is going on other things, but when I ask he gets very angry and I just can't face the anger anymore. I know I sound pathetic and I feel ashamed that this is my situation but I guess this post is kind of my attempt at getting some kind of support to feel confident enough to do it on my own?!?

LittleBellaMummy Sun 30-Mar-14 21:17:54

Sorry perhaps this post isn't really appropriate for this sort of place ��

HappyGoLuckyGirl Mon 31-Mar-14 01:03:20

No, it is...there just obviously isn't much traffic tonight.

Why do you think you can't do it on your own? From what you've said you pay for everything and look after your child by yourself. You're doing it on your own right now. You just have a cocklodger living with you.

As soon as you get rid of him you'll feel a lot less burdened.

By the way, he's a twunt.

HappyGoLuckyGirl Mon 31-Mar-14 01:04:25

Oh and you are not pathetic and have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed about. He's the irresponsible idiot.


Bogeyface Mon 31-Mar-14 02:08:02

If he leaves you will be doing everything you are doing now but with more money and less stress, whats not to love?!

Seriously, he is dragging you down with him, dont allow that. Oh and the CSA will take maintenance from his wages if he refuses to pay, so he wont avoid that either.

OurMiracle1106 Mon 31-Mar-14 02:25:42

Littlebella honestly you will feel financially so much better. Your have stability. You will be happier. It's not going to be easy but it will be worth it. You will be less stressed. And also if it is cocaine (suspect by your description of him) it will get worse. Soon enough he will be getting into debt. Taking more and more of it. And then asking you for money too. I've been with a coke addict. It's awful. Get out whilst you still can.

Also threatening to leave is emotional abuse when imo when asked questions or to contribute.

whattodoforthebest2 Mon 31-Mar-14 02:45:31

I'm sorry you're going thru this Bella.

He's causing more stress and anxiety by being there than he would if he was gone, so tell him to go now. Speak to the CAB for advice on benefits etc. Your life will be much easier without him draining your energy.

MiscellaneousAssortment Mon 31-Mar-14 02:58:51

People trapped in situations like this tend to underestimate the toll living with an abusive partner takes on you.

Getting rid of the upset, stress, confusion, chaos, fear and plummeting self esteem and you get a hell of a better life.

Can you get more help from benefits if you split?

LittleBellaMummy Mon 31-Mar-14 07:01:42

Thanks everyone for the replies, I'm not sure what it is he is into anymore if I ask him anything he just goes mad!

I think I'm mostly worried about what will happen with our house (part-ownership) will I have to move out? I'm scared about my job, it is essential to my job that I have a car and he will take it as soon as he leaves. I know these are not good reasons to stay with someone but when you are feeling confused and lonely things like that can just seem to much to have to deal with.

His only saving grace is that he is, when he is around, a very loving father to DS and DS loves him so much. And again if I make him leave will DS hate me for it in years to come?!?

MrCabDriver Mon 31-Mar-14 07:09:14

Hi OP.

I'm 25, left my partner in October, I too was 24 and also have a 2 year old!

You will be fine! I am in such a good place without him. Financially things are tight but i'm lucky to have a well paid job.

On the house side of things I can't advise, we lived in a council property where I was the tenant, so he had to leave.

How supportive are your family and friends?

We're in a very similar boat, please inbox me for any questions, support or a chat!


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