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New girlfriends pregnant...

(7 Posts)
Wishuponastar011 Sun 30-Mar-14 19:37:53

We split up at the end of last year before christmas. I fell pregnant a few months previously and miscarried, he said that we weren't ready and that we should think about a termination when we found out. He cheated, we split.
He got together with someone new in the new year and I've just found out she's 13 weeks pregnant.
I'm crushed. He's ecstatic about it apparently.
I don't want to be with him, I don't love him, why do I feel like this?

Hedgehead Sun 30-Mar-14 19:44:18

Because he technically denied you something that he didn't deny someone else. It's like being cheated on all over again. You feel by the very act of getting someone else pregnant and being happy about it, he has decreased your womanhood... (which he hasn't by the way, but I'm guessing how you feel)

You could argue that your pregnancy made him think about being a dad, it of opened the topic, even though he initially said he wanted you to get a termination. So therefore it seemed less strange when someone else got pregnant because the topic was already an open one in his head.

Two things:

1. He and this woman have been together 4 months (if that?) Good luck to them when a baby gets thrown like a hand grenade into the mix and tests that "solid footing" (not).

2. How do you know he is ecstatic about it? Did he tell you?

Wishuponastar011 Mon 31-Mar-14 12:30:48

Thank you.
I really don't know why I care so much, I thought I was completely over him.
I've spoken to his mum, we've always been really close, she doesn't approve but said that he was really happy about it. I have no reason to doubt her.

Ivehearditallnow Mon 31-Mar-14 16:14:35

Hiya, Sorry to hear you've had this shock.

I'm glad you aren't with this guy anymore - as he sounds very cruel and controlling. I agree with Hedgehead (just wrote 'hedgehog' and had to delete haha), they've only been together five minutes... if he's all extastic now it might be interesting to see how they are when they have a screaming new born and are up to their armpits in pooey nappies smile.

In the mean time, really hope that you meet someone lovely who can give you what you want, treat you properly and respect you.

thanks

Iwillorderthefood Mon 31-Mar-14 16:21:50

I am sorry this has happened to you. You may never know what a lucky escape you had. I would consider checking yourself out for STIs though, since he had unprotected sex with you, and his new girlfriend, it is likely that he has also had unprotected sex with some of his other girlfriends too.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Mon 31-Mar-14 16:41:58

I think its a perfectly normal response tbh, as Hedge said, hes denied you that in a way, its normal to wonder why not you.

The shock will wear off eventually, after that, you wont much care.

BertieBotts Mon 31-Mar-14 16:49:57

I also think it's a normal, instinctive response and not based on anything real. If you wait, he will probably end up treating her badly, and you'll be glad in the long run that you aren't tied to him forever by a baby.

I had a similar thing once with a guy I couldn't get to commit, ended up leaving him, later found out he'd got someone pregnant and decided to stick by her and although I really had been totally over him it was a huge slap in the face and I literally HURT over it.

Years later, I was working in a shop and the woman and her child came in, I served her and for some weird reason made myself not look at the child because I didn't want to see what my ex's offspring looked like confused Totally weird but almost instinctual. With hindsight, I know that pretty crap boyfriends tend to make pretty crap co-parents (however good a father they are) and I'm really glad I didn't have children with him, I don't think he would have been there for me when I needed it.

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. It's possible that this is magnified because of the loss as well.

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