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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Beyond pissed off. Do I LTB??? Wwyd?

216 replies

madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 07:54

My DH is in an am-dram group, last night of show last night, his entire family staying at our house to watch the show. He hasn't come home from the after-show party, it's the next morning now and isn't answering his phone, but can manage the occasional text. I am so angry I am shaking, what do I tell his family?? Everyone is going to be getting up soon, I am so embarrassed. He's expecting me to make lunch for his whole family (10 of us in total) on fucking Mother's Day but he hasn't come home & is too cowardly to answer his phone. He says in his text he is with other people in the group, but I don't really care. He is just taking the piss, and i have had enough. I really really want to LTB, wwyd? I would really appreciate your advice mumsnetters, am I overreacting??

OP posts:

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Offred · 30/03/2014 07:56

Wtf is he saying on the texts if he is too cowardly to asner the phone?

Is this the first time he's done this?

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 07:57

You are not over reacting.

As for ltb, it depends. Does he do this often? Is he a selfish cock often?

As for the family, tell them the absolute truth. Every detail. I wouldn't cook lunch either but suggest all going to the pub for lunch...it order in a take away (at his expense).

Are you close to his family? Will they support you today?

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 07:57

*or order.....

HellonHeels · 30/03/2014 08:00

I don't think you're overreacting to feel very angry with him.

You should not feel embarrassed at all, the embarrassment and poor behaviour is all his.

I have no advice about LTB but for more immediate action, don't cover for him with his family, tell them you've no idea where he is. As for lunch will all local pubs be booked?

sorry this is happening to you

DialMforMummy · 30/03/2014 08:00

In these circumstances, I would not cook any lunch. And yes I would consider ltb if it is recurrent behaviour.

hamptoncourt · 30/03/2014 08:01

This is so disrespectful I am not surprised you are ready to LTB.

Chances of getting a table for ten with no notice in Mothers Day are probably slim.

As PP said, order in, or tell them all the truth and hope they piss off. Do not under any circumstances cover for him and do not cook for them all.

I would be thinking there was another woman involved.

Sorry you are having to deal with such an arsehole.

DialMforMummy · 30/03/2014 08:02

Oh and don't be embarrassed, be honest with the family. He is the one who will look like a selfish and irresponsible prick.

madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:03

Very little detail in the texts, just who he is with, no answer when I ask where he is. He is a self-centred bastard & feel like I really hate him right now. Have stayed with him for DCs, but even they have had enough of him. My bil is v judgemental & doesn't drink & never goes out without sil, dreading what he is going to say.

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Optimist1 · 30/03/2014 08:04

No, you're not overreacting. It's entirely reasonable to want your husband to be home (and not hungover) when his family are staying and when it's Mothers' Day. I hope his family share your indignation and take him to task for his behaviour when he eventually shows his face.

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 08:05

Yes, you prob won't be able to book a table actually. Order in. Do NOT spend your day entertaining and playing host his family.

DialMforMummy · 30/03/2014 08:05

Does he do this often?

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 08:07

You shouldn't dread what Bil has to say. It isn't your behaviour!!!!!

If he is this selfish all the time then start making plans to ltb. Life is far far too short.

He is acting like an absolute cock. Can text but not same calls??!!!!!! Who the hell does he think he is?!

madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:08

He goes out drinking after rehearsals every week, sometimes 2or 3 times, but has always made it home before. I know this is the after show party but still. I'm not sure re OW right now anyone is welcome to him

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Offred · 30/03/2014 08:09

Just tell the family the truth. Don't cover for him, let him take the consequences.

ChasedByBees · 30/03/2014 08:10

I think if you've stayed with him for the DC and they are sick of him, then yes, LTB. Don't worry about your BIL, your DH has behaved terribly, not you. I hope that they do see him absent so they know what you're putting up with.

And it was selfish of him to arrange that you are cooking for ten people today anyway!

Walkacrossthesand · 30/03/2014 08:13

How old are your DCs, are they up yet, is anyone else up? I agree that cooking lunch for everyone is off the agenda, unless you can tell DH not to bother coming home for lunch because there isn't any for him (and stick to it) - but I wouldn't want to let my DCs and visitors down, it's not their fault after all. Maybe pack up a picnic if you have the wherewithal, head off out for the day? Without the inlaws if you barely tolerate them anyway -leave a note on the table or summat?!

FancySpaceGloves · 30/03/2014 08:15

If you do LTB then everyone on his side of the family will understand. They'll have seen it first hand. Bil and sil disapproval works in your favour.

As PPs said. Do not cover for him. Tell the truth. Try to stay calm-angry in front of the family.

Today could be an absolute gift where his lot see you as a saint /long-suffering and him as a twunt. Ha ha fuck him.

Why are you embarrassed about HIS behaviour? You've done nothing wrong.

mammadiggingdeep · 30/03/2014 08:16

I agree, do NOT cover for him.

If you end up splitting in near future at least everybody will understand the context- that you're not unreasonable.

He is not acting like a family man and father of dc, or a good partner. He is acting like he thinks he's single.

He's actually being really rude to his family who came to watch the show. They're waking up in his house and he's elsewhere. Rude.

madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:18

Love the going out idea walkacrossthesand, but I'm mid teacher training & have loads of work to do. He knows this but he doesn't give a shit. Soooo angry, he knows this hence not answering his phone. What a coward

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madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:19

Mamadiggingdeep, i agree it is so rude

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TheKnightsThatSayNee · 30/03/2014 08:20

Is he likely to be on drugs? I don't know many people who stay up till this time without them. I'd text him tell him to get home now and you can tell his family he's ill and then sort it out later.

Handywoman · 30/03/2014 08:22

What a selfish twunt! What's he like when he is home?

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madcatlady444 · 30/03/2014 08:23

Theknights only drug is beer. I'm not going to cover for him, as you have all said, his bad behaviour, not mine

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Walkacrossthesand · 30/03/2014 08:26

Exactly, catlady - why on earth would you want to 'tell his family he's ill'?

Logg1e · 30/03/2014 08:28

Do not cover for him, tell his family "he didn't come home last night, I suggest you give him a ring and find out what his plans are. I know he was planning on cooking you lunch, I can't step in because you'll appreciate I've got tonnes of school work to do I'm afraid".

I'd sort them all out with breakfast though.

Flip

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