Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Dp has gone home in a huff

(76 Posts)
Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:13:45

Hi

Please be gentle as I am so upset.
We have been going through some serious issues outside our relationship.
Today our plans got messed up and he basically went off in a huff. He won't talk on the phone just says he needs some space and we will be ok etc.
Thing is I have something very stressful happening on Monday and I feel really let down by him. I have supported him lately through very tough times and feel this should be reciprocated.
I am tearful and probably won't sleep as we rarely spend a night apart. I really want to drive over there but think that will annoy him.
Thoughts?

SirChenjin Sat 29-Mar-14 21:15:18

Honestly? I think that you should leave him well alone and give yourself time to think about whether you want him and your relationship in your life.

thanks

ThefutureMrsTatum Sat 29-Mar-14 21:22:04

Hi. Sorry your upset. That's really crappy of him and over something so small such as plans going wrong. I would let him have his time as to not aggravate the situation further, hopefully he will see he is being a bit of an idiot when he has calmed down. Keep yourself busy for a couple of hours, put something on the telly or have a bath to pass an hour. I assume you know where he has gone? Don't bother going there it may just provoke an even bigger argument.

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:25:24

Thanks
Yes he's at home
I just feel abandoned and tearful. He's had an unbelievably tough few years and things haven't improved in the last few months. I feel I'm the whipping boy for his frustration and unhappiness really. I love him so much though and I just need a hug really

Quinteszilla Sat 29-Mar-14 21:28:32

Does he like to be the center of attention, and you having something important on Monday took the attention away from his and his hardship for a moment?

BookABooSue Sat 29-Mar-14 21:28:54

'we will be ok'
Believe what he is saying and let him have his space. Look after yourself, try to relax and get into a more positive frame of mind about Monday where you can support yourself through it. Not because he won't support you but so that his support is a bonus not a necessity. You've said there are serious issues to be dealt with, they bring their own stresses and he might not be best placed to support you just now.

Don't drive over. Either he means he needs the space or he's being an attention seeking diva. In both cases, the best thing you can do is stay where you are and let him come round. Don't let this weekend become about humouring him, just focus on preparing for your Monday.

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:30:57

Maybe. He's so mired in unhappiness at the moment I don't think he can see past that. I really needed some tlc. Maybe it's over who knows? 2 nights ago he was saying I don't want to loose you. Am so confused. I am literally the only person he has.

Quinteszilla Sat 29-Mar-14 21:31:41

Do you feel it is your responsibility to keep him happy? To be a shoulder for him to lean on?

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:34:29

Yes I do feel I'm his shoulder. He has no contact with family etc. He likes spending time with my family for that reason.
It's hard as we never fall out really and I hate the silence. Daughter has now taken pity on me and we are watching a film in bed

SirChenjin Sat 29-Mar-14 21:36:03

He doesn't have to lose you - but the way he's behaving sounds awful (to an outsider). Once things have calmed down a bit then I would suggest you need to sit down and have a serious talk about appropriate behaviour and what he plans to do in terms of getting help from professionals. I'm sorry he's having a shit time, but he's dragging you down too by the sounds of it - and that's not fair.

Quinteszilla Sat 29-Mar-14 21:36:34

Interesting that, when you needed support and attention he has gone home in a sulky huff. ...

BeCool Sat 29-Mar-14 21:38:02

Can you just say you him "I need a hug?"

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:43:57

Yes I can say that normally.
I think things have got so bad he's venting. Which I get but I hate conflict of any kind esp silence

ThefutureMrsTatum Sat 29-Mar-14 21:44:28

Glad you have your daughter with you, kids are a natural anti-depressant, and I'm sure she'll give you loads of cuddles. I think sometimes men just don't realise how much they lean on you for support, and when you need them they just bail and go and act like a little boy again. it sounds like your working hard at your relationship and it will hit some bumps along the way, trust what he says and give him his space.
good luck for Monday.

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:48:38

Thank you Mrs T we are watching the hangover.
The problem is I don't think I have ever loved a man as much as him (I'm 47)
Being apart is hard. I have a physical ache sad(

SolidGoldBrass Sat 29-Mar-14 21:49:47

SO he's got no friends and no family, and you are his only support?

This is because he's an arsehole. He will have drained everyone else dry while giving them no support in return, which is why they've all dumped him. SUggest you do the same.

morethanpotatoprints Sat 29-Mar-14 21:51:57

BookABooSue

Has it right, imo thanks

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 21:54:30

It's not a simple as that.
He committed a crime and his family didn't support him at all.
His mum died of cancer a few years ago
He's never met his dad
His last gf died of a heart attack
I could go on

ThefutureMrsTatum Sat 29-Mar-14 21:56:28

Ah good film!
he doesn't have to be the best man in the world for you to love him and ache for him. embrace the feeling of wanting him and let him know when he's come round how much you missed him. He sounds a little lost, leave him to find his way.

Zazzles007 Sat 29-Mar-14 21:57:05

People who are not adult enough to step up and support you when you need it aren't worth having in your life. A partnership is based on mutual love, respect and support. So for the last 3 years you have been supporting him, and now that you need some support, he throws his toys out of the pram and goes home? Bin this man-child and look for someone who will treat you as an equal and not his mother.

LRDtheFeministDragon Sat 29-Mar-14 21:59:20

You love each other, you rarely spend a night apart, but he doesn't live with you?

To me, this is odd.

ThefutureMrsTatum Sat 29-Mar-14 22:00:58

My DH is similar, last GF died in an accident, they had been together 8 years and he has never met his dad. He also suffers with severe depression. He's a kind of lost soul sometimes and an arse some of the rest of the time, but he's my arse and I love him.

Confusedbytechnology Sat 29-Mar-14 22:01:09

We have only been together for four months but we fell in love quite quickly

BookABooSue Sat 29-Mar-14 22:08:12

Hmm, read back your posts and see how much of them are about him. Where are you and your feelings? You can't make him step up but you can take this time for you.
A wise person once said 'don't confuse pity with love'. He's had a difficult time but he has to bring more to the relationship than that. But I'm falling into your trap of making it all about him. It isn't. This weekend is about you, and getting ready for your stressful Monday.

SirChenjin Sat 29-Mar-14 22:12:00

He obviously has a lot of issues. Taking them into a new relationship before resolving them and dragging you down is not right. Your daughter should see her Mum in a positive, healthy, loving, fun, supportive relationship, not one that makes her feel as if she's someone's whipping boy, fgs.

It all sounds very intense and dramatic - but not healthy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now