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Friend stress...

(7 Posts)
talulahbelle Sat 29-Mar-14 17:06:47

I am feeling ugh right now thanks to politics and drama between my friends, and I have unwittingly been involved. All about pregnancy news. Names obviously changed.

'Sarah' and 'Kathy', both acquaintances of each other, gave birth at the same time last year. They are in the same antenatal group, and grew very close, then Sarah decided to drop Kathy. I think there was some competition over their children's development going on, but I stayed out of it, saw them both separately and tried not to discuss either of them with the other. Kathy can be difficult as she is a bit of a gossip at times, and also not always the most positive person. Sarah has her own faults as well though.

Recently Sarah got pregnant. She told her entire ante-natal group, including Kathy.
Kathy then told me. Obviously I shouldn't have been told, it wasn't Kathy's news to share, but there was not a lot I could do.
I have not spread this news, although it did slip out to 'Anna'. I said something along the lines of "it's going to to be so great with us all on mat leave together later on this year" and she immediately admitted that yes it was and wasn't it great that me, Sarah and her were all pregnant together. I then told her (and I feel guilty about this) the only reason I knew was because Kathy had told me, and I hadn't yet had the official announcement so we shouldn't discuss really. I am totally at fault here for discussing it with Anna, and should have kept my mouth shut entirely.

Anna then went back and told Sarah I knew because Kathy had told me. She also told me that Sarah now knew as she had told Sarah that Kathy had told me.

I left it there. It's now 5 weeks later and Sarah has not replied to my texts/been avoiding me I think. After talking to Anna I sent a text to Sarah saying basically I know I shouldn't know, but congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm really looking forward to you joining me on mat leave.

Sarah replied, she is furious with Kathy for breaking a confidence (I'm closer to Kathy than her), and me for discussing her news. She included a nasty below the belt jab saying especially with your history, (I've had 4 early losses)

I've replied, basically saying I'm sorry Kathy told me too, I've only talked about it with Anna after it slipped out accidentally, and wishing her luck.

I kind of feel like this is the end of our friendship though, and I'm not sure what to do. Any advice?

Fifyfomum Sat 29-Mar-14 17:09:26

Sounds like a twat. Avoid

WhoNickedMyName Sat 29-Mar-14 17:12:42

If she told her entire ante-natal group then it's hardly the worlds best kept secret is it?

They all sound like a bunch of gobshites. Bin the lot of them.

MoonRover Sat 29-Mar-14 17:16:08

Good lord. How dare you discuss the nice news she blabbed to a bunch of people and expected them to say nothing about it.

I declare daft cows. Yes, avoid and bin.

RandomMess Sat 29-Mar-14 17:17:21

Sounds like she's taking all her anger about Kathy on you tbh!

I couldn't be bothered with it all, life is too short.

talulahbelle Sat 29-Mar-14 17:19:01

whonicked I have to agree with you there, given there's 9/10 of them I think. Plus Anna and another friend Anna told me had been informed. (Anna is also a bit of a gossip at times, but a good person at heart)

Luckily I have a couple of completely separate friends I tend to see more of, but I was at school with Sarah/Kathy/Anna and it would have been nice to be part of the old crowd again as we went through pregnancy together. Sometimes I think part of the problem is our interactions are still slightly stuck in the schoolyard. sad

talulahbelle Sat 29-Mar-14 17:27:50

random I agree. Luckily I have a lovely (and childfree) neighbour who I see a lot of and am growing quite close to who doesn't really know any of them, no chance of this kind of hullabaloo with her.

moonrover part of me did think that as well when Kathy told me - I tend to find that a secret is only a secret when you are the only person who knows.

I really don't need any of this stress.

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