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Am I a laughing stock?

(46 Posts)
Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:23:01

Feeling really stupid and could do with outside perspective. I am married with one DS who is in reception class. The teacher is new, same age as me and is very attractive. I have been going through a lot of family stress lately and found myself absent mindedly looking at him (I thought surreptitiously) when at school during the autumn term as he is so easy on the eye. He is not naturally chatty with the parents so I haven't had a lot to do with him face to face but I do have to go into the classroom twice a day to drop/pick up DS - it is a very small school.

Thing is, he has clearly noticed as he now smirks at me when I come over to chat v briefly about DS things (which I don't do very often as embarrassed to talk to him and am naturally shy). Most of the time now I try to avoid all contact with him/avoid looking at him as am aware I keep looking over if don't keep self in check. I am aware I sound like a complete creep and if this was a man posting we'd be thinking 'weirdo'. I am not standing there in my anorak rubbing my thighs old man style! I focus now on talking to friends and keeping some dignity! He does occasionally also flash me a large Cheshire cat grin when we talk face to face and it was after the 3rd time of him doing this I realised he knew that I'd been checking him out.

I am so mortified, feel like I am going to be the talk of the staff room and that he is laughing at me. I'm not unattractive (but a bit scruffy) but can't help feeling that he is laughing at me for even considering that the admiration might be reciprocal - which I haven't intended anyway it's all seemed to have come out of nowhere. He has a girlfriend and I imagine they are laughing about me too.

Feel embarrassed I have done this and upset that someone has noticed as am very committed to DH - who is lovely btw. I don't need this on top of a lot of family illness.

I just want things to back track and for me not to feel like a twat at school. I have been worrying about this in the wee small hours so pls be gentle. Just need some neutral perspective and maybe advice on how to make this go away.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Mar-14 16:26:13

Yes, he's noticed. It's important that you 'nip this in the bud' right now OP, before he does allow the flattery to make a laughing stock of you because people will notice if you don't.

Be distant, polite and do not speak to him unless you really need to. Pick up your DS with a "Come on, DS, we've got to go" - and go. This isn't a big deal at the moment but it has the potential to blow up into something out of nothing.

Sorry about the illness in the family, very stressful, I know. Put it out of your mind and keep your distance.

qazxc Sat 29-Mar-14 16:28:09

Do not feel like a twat!

He sounds like he is being friendly to me, not mocking. If you were making him feel uncomfortable he would be avoiding you like the plague, not being smiley.

WipsGlitter Sat 29-Mar-14 16:28:20

You're over thinking this. Unless you were literally staring at him for hours then it's unlikely he's noticed. I think he's probably just bring friendly.

ITCouldBeWorse Sat 29-Mar-14 16:29:15

If he is that easy on the eye then loads of the mums will look too. Keep things brisk and busy from now on. If he looks smug, he will look a twat.

If anyone says anything just laugh and call him eye candy!

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:31:12

Thanks Lying, it's that bad isn't it? One of the other teachers walked past me smiling to herself but not looking at me the other day and I was convinced she was laughing at me too.

Can't understand how this has happened. I am doing what you've said anyway. Do you think it will go away in a few months? DS is in his class next year too (nightmare) as he is moving up to teach the next year up.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:32:43

Thanks everyone, I really needed someone to talk to as obviously talking to DH is a no no and most friends are mums at school so would be really embarrassing.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:42:07

I should add then when I spoke to him on wednesday (to say DS had Drs appt next day) he smirked briefly as I approached and then put on a professional face. My heart sank - this is what has kicked off all the bad feeling in my head.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Sat 29-Mar-14 16:44:11

I don't know if it's 'that bad'; nothing has happened anyway. Just behave as if there's nothing to be embarrassed about and there will not be anything.

Treat it as if it's absolutely nothing and, as suggested by another poster, be brisk and busy... nothing to see here kind of thing.

Stop worrying - and don't build this up in your head. I get the feeling that you're doing that - don't. There's nothing happening here.

Puttheshelvesup Sat 29-Mar-14 16:48:17

I think you are really being hard on yourself! If he noticed and he is now smiling at you it is probably because he enjoyed being looked at, not because he views you with disdain. He may find you attractive, hence the smiling. Whatever the reason for his smiles (not smirks) I really don't think you are being laughed at.

When I am stressed or depressed I can fall into this paranoid mindset too. I have aspergers and it is difficult for me to remember that other people do not know what I'm thinking and feeling. For example, occasionally I will get a crush on a bloke and I will worry that he and dh will know, despite the fact that I may never have even spoken to the object of my crush.

If I am in good spirits it is easier to resist these negative thought patterns. It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate, and must be feeling emotionally fragile. This may or may not help, but telling myself that other people are too busy with their own lives to bother thinking badly of me can help keep perspective.

pictish Sat 29-Mar-14 16:49:58

Brico I disagree with Lying - I think you're reading far too much into it. I doubt he noticed, and in fact is just smiling because that's what friendly, polite people do.
Even if he what? If he's attractive, other mums will be checking him out as well, and I can assure you that not all of them will have been as discreet about it as you.

Don't give it another thought!

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:51:50

thanks, you're right I am building it up a bit but everything I've said here is true - I think it might be a mental distraction from genuinely distressing family probs (niece born stillborn and my dad has cancer).

Just needed to get it off my chest, I will carry on acting completely neutral from now on. If he smiles at me I have found myself smiling back (really hard not to when someone does) so think I will go in prepared to do a tight lipped business like fake smile from now on!

Cocolepew Sat 29-Mar-14 16:54:30

You're really overthinking this. Who cares if he did notice anyway? Ifehe did and is smirking and grinning because if it he's a bit of a twat. Next time he does it look at him quizzicaly and just carry on as normal.

TBH I think you are seeing things that aren't there.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:54:43

puttheshelvesup and pictish - thank you! It is great advice that ppl are too busy in their own lives and poss other mums have been more obvious - I am prob not the only one then. Will keep that in mind. I am thinking that he prob got this in other schools he has taught in and so is particularly tuned in to it.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:55:41

cocolepew - him being a twat has crossed my mind too!

TheNewSchmoo Sat 29-Mar-14 16:56:00

I think you are probably being a wee bit paranoid. If I knew someone fancied someone I work with and I walked past them, I can't imagine anything that would make me smirk at them.

You're obviously stressed about this, but I really think you're reading too much into it and making a mountain out ofa mole hole. Put it out of your mind.

pictish Sat 29-Mar-14 16:56:23

Just be yourself! Don't stress it. It's perfectly ok to think a male teacher is handsome. Smile back.

CustardLover Sat 29-Mar-14 16:56:26

Poor you having the horrors but definitely don't give it another thought. I really doubt that even if he had noticed (which I bet he hasn't) he would say anything in the staff room, I mean, what would he say, 'she fancies me!' Making himself look like a 13 year old? No. Incredibly unprofessional, no way.

But he didn't even notice or pay attention. Forget about it. Honestly.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 16:59:26

Thank you this is all helping bring me down off 'major disaster' mode!

MrsCampbellBlack Sat 29-Mar-14 17:00:27

You are over-thinking and if he is smirking etc then he's acting like an unprofessional idiot.

I get very bored in the playground and often find myself staring at a child/person/plant whilst running through everything I need to do that day.

I would just act normally and if he smirks just look at him in a very confused manner and ask if he is ok with the requisite head tilt wink

I wonder if you're focusing on this though to distract from the other horrible things you're dealing with. I know I have a tendency to do that.

Hope you feel better and much sympathy for the other stuff you are dealing with.

Wrapdress Sat 29-Mar-14 17:00:57

His ego is probably stroked by the looky-loo moms since he is nice looking. Nothing wrong with that. It's natural - natural to look and natural to be flattered. He's probably used to it and enjoys it. I doubt he is telling his gf or the other teachers about it. Men just don't talk about stuff like that.

If someone mentions the staring at each other just say he looks just like one of your cousins or something throw-away like that.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 17:04:55

Thanks, I did think that having just got glasses might make him think that I have just been v short sighted lately grin You are all making me smile now which is fab!

True that he prob wouldn't mention it to anyone else as he'd look like a twat.

Gah, life has just been so harsh recently. I thought I would get a load of teachers on here saying 'oh this happens all the time and how we laugh at the poor pathetic dowdy mums in private'.

MadBusLady Sat 29-Mar-14 17:05:14

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others thought of you if you realised how seldom they do." Eleanor Roosevelt smile

Really the vast majority of the stuff people do is about them, not you.

MadBusLady Sat 29-Mar-14 17:11:55

"Poor pathetic dowdy mum"! This is what you think of yourself, not necessarily how anyone else sees you! Is there anything small and even a bit frivolous you could do to boost your confidence a bit and remind yourself of how great you are? I know it feels a bit incongruous when you are dealing with things like serious illness but I think it's more important at those times to treat yourself well in small ways, so that you can be as strong as possible for others.

Bricomarche Sat 29-Mar-14 17:12:17

Too true thank you.

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