So sorry its gonna be long. My husband decided to drive me to the local supermarket for me to do shopping (he and the baby waited in the car), anyway I was having a bit of a bad hair day so I put my hair in a ponytail with a headband on. He commented first as a joke saying why did I have it I took it as a joke later on when we got home he insulted me saying it looked ugly, and when I'm going out with him I should fix my hair or whatever but in a controlling way. I was pissed off. Tbh I think that's bs for the fact we don't even go out (as in days out with baby and so on). There's more but I don't want to babble and u guys get the idea. Am I over reacting or what?
He was shitty to say that about your hair but that alone isn't controlling. My dh would never say anything like that even if it looks like the cat has thrown up in my hair and/or that I've used Homer Simpson's patented make up shotgun
He makes you feel bad, bad generally and bad about yourself. This is not what a supportive man would do. A good relationship is not like that.
You sound like you can hardly articulate what it is that is so hard to live with, but this behaviour is so insidious. They can control you with silences, off-the-cuff put downs, disapproving looks...........
I'm going to guess that the fact that you've posted, and the fact that you're so unsure of your own gut feeling means that you are being controlled. Why would any woman doubt her own feelings? but when you've been in a relationship where you are 'trained' to bury your own feelings and wants and yet have a heightened awareness of HIS moods and so on............. it is what happens. You doubt your own logical reaction to be treated badly!!
what other controlling behaviour does he have. I think that driving you to the supermaket and waiting sounds controlling, he could have gone back home and you phoned him when you were finished. Don't worry about long post that what these sites are for!! :-)
If you said you wanted to drive would he be supportive and willing to pay for that (without making you feel bad about the cost). Would he say 'great, let's get you on the road', or would he bitch and gripe about the cost of driving lessons and be really unsupportive ?
He will be supportive, not willing to pay though. I was learning to drive but I was heavily pregnant so had to stop (I funded myself). I don't have a problem with the cost it's just finding the time and also considering "his time" as he works.
Yeh, you're married. The fact that he is not willing to pay to get one half of 'The Team' on the road is really demoralising for you. So, basically you remain in the dependent role, he remains the financial controller "supportive" but unwilling to pay?! that's a bit of a dead end there.
I'm not judging. I've been through it. My x grudged every penny spent on me!
You say you funded previous driving lessons yourself. So, you've funded this out of personal savings but he controls the joint finances.
I don't think you are being unreasonable to be concerned at all. My relationship was like this and it was very difficult. I sympathise.
I think mine was the only post telling OP what to do...I'll rephrase 'in my opinion your husband would benefit from taking a long look at himself before he criticises the appearance and behaviour of others around him and he might be helped along with this much-needed introspection by inserting his own head into his anus...I've heard this can be a very effective method. Good luck OP. I hope you find some helpful support on this thread'