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Would this annoy you or am I being stupid?

(11 Posts)
obviouslyneedsupernanny Sat 29-Mar-14 04:05:43

I have been dating someone for a few weeks now. On our first date we went for dinner and drinks.. for the drinks we bought a round each and he paid for dinner. Since then we have split all bills equally which is fine.

Last night he came round to mine for the first time, we had agreed in advance that we would pick something up foodwise on the way and cook together. So we headed to Sainsburys and he put in various things he wanted like alcohol, food and a type of sauce thing and when we got to the checkout he sort of wandered off to wait at the window and didn't offer to contribute at all? or make any mention of it..

I am a single SAHM and he works and has just told me has been promoted too so surely he must know it's a bit rude of him? Or am I just ridiculous?

whattodoforthebest2 Sat 29-Mar-14 04:16:38

Difficult to know whether he just wandered off absent-mindedly while you were at the checkout or if was intentional. Did he add expensive things to the basket which you wouldn't have bought otherwise?

IIWY I'd bear this in mind for the future, make it clear next time you're out shopping together that you'd like to go halves and gauge his reaction.

whattodoforthebest2 Sat 29-Mar-14 04:20:31

PS I don't think you're being stupid, hopefully it just didn't occur to him that he might offer to contribute this time.

PedantMarina Sat 29-Mar-14 04:28:50

I'd like to have more data, but that'd set my Spidey senses tingling.

Is he aware of the disparity in your incomes? Has he ever reciprocated? Etc.

claraschu Sat 29-Mar-14 04:33:42

Under the circumstances, he should be paying for all the groceries, I think.
I guess it's possible he is absent minded, but I doubt it. See if he absent mindedly pays your share next time you are out.

SavoyCabbage Sat 29-Mar-14 04:36:40

I suppose that he just thought that it was sort of your shopping if you were going to your house. He might not have given it a thought if he doesn't have to think about money.

I would keep my eye on it, but not let it be too much of a worry.

whattodoforthebest2 Sat 29-Mar-14 04:42:52

I don't think your relative incomes come into it when you've only been seeing him for a few weeks. He's paid once, then shared a few, then you've paid once. Hopefully you'll share the bills in future, until your relationship is a bit more established and you've discussed both your financial positions.

Poughle Sat 29-Mar-14 05:49:41

A bit weird not to offer to go halves, but yeah he might have been thinking that since you were eating at your place, it was "your" grocery shopping. Agree with pps, not hideous behaviour but worth keeping an eye on.

GhettoPrincess Sat 29-Mar-14 05:52:27

How much did the groceries cost ? What was the atmosphere like you on leaving the shop ? How did the rest of the evening go ? Are you seeing him again ?

Personally, I think it's a bit poor that he did this. I'm going to be ultra picky here but you went home and used your kitchen, your electricity and/or gas, your pans, your plates etc. Just so you could eat a meal that you had paid for, at home. Oh and he enjoyed his free dinner too.

Was any alcohol purchased and/or consumed by you and/or him ? Did he stay the night ?

He needs to redeem himself, pronto. Flowers or a suitable gift to say what a nice time he had at home with you. Irrespective of how intimate it got.

He needs to cook next time, at his home. You need to go shopping together. He needs to buy things for dinner. Nice things too i.e the same or more expensive luxurious than you purchased.

I'd monitor this one. Don't let him take the piss again.

GhettoPrincess Sat 29-Mar-14 05:55:36

Sorry, you said you purchased alcohol. Apologies.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Sat 29-Mar-14 06:03:48

I think it's a difficult call until you've had a conversation about how you both feel about who pays for what, splitting things vs treating each other etc. It's one of those issues that it's probably not fair to make assumptions on or be upset about until you've actually established what is acceptable to each of you within the relationship etc.

I'm also in a fairly new relationship, I think it was after 3 or 4 weeks we had a chat about splitting stuff most of the time (like tickets, normal meals/pub evenings) but then treating each other with stuff too and not getting hung up ok minutiae of I bought a bottle of wine last week so you buy food for dinner in this week and just trust that these little things will even out over time.

With the wandering off around at till time, it sounds more to me that he maybe could have felt awkward about you paying (having assumed you would as it was "your" shopping) rather than he was just blatantly freeloading. So maybe just something to have a discussion about rather than being annoyed without understanding what he was thinking?

Hope the dinner went well.

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