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terrified after finding truth about potential online date

(36 Posts)
whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 00:47:09

so am new to online dating. been chatting to a few guys.
one in particular was really friendly and seemed sweet and fun.
he sent me his number and my phone found him on Facebook thru the friend finder tool. so I had a look at his profile and it all seemed to match what he had told me.
then for some reason I thought I would google his full name... which I got from Facebook and his home town etc. it came up with a load of links to newspapers about him being convicted of possession of child porn images and beastiality and of stealing the identity of a 13 year old girl and going on sex sites etc.
he got a community order and put on the sex offenders register and banned from the town he told me he used to live in.
I am 100% sure it is him and text him saying sorry I wasn't interested in a relationship at the moment. and he text back saying "you found out"

point is though that I am now exhausted wondering what could have happened if I hadn't felt the urge to do my research? I have 3 kids who could have met him... it doesn't bear thinking about.

now feeling a mixture of horror and relief!

just wondering. .. is it standard to do your homework like this when online dating cos I am so glad I did


Innogen Sat 29-Mar-14 00:49:58

That's what Google is for! Well done!

Don't ever text him, cease all contact, delete him from Facebook and try again!

No point worrying about what ifs!

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 00:51:23

I did all that. deleted him completely and pleased for following my gut.

Dirtybadger Sat 29-Mar-14 00:52:43

How terrifying! Well statistically you shouldn't have to have any more like that but yes always do your homework. Girlfriends and wives are more likely to come out the woodwork (or plain idiocy) than criminal records though in general.

Innogen Sat 29-Mar-14 00:53:08

Brilliant. Have a wine and congratulate yourself on being a very wise lady, and a top internet dating sleuth!

Then look forward to the next bloke!

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 00:54:47

innogen thanks for the wine

might go pour myself a real obe to calm myself down a bit! !!

justiceofthePeas Sat 29-Mar-14 00:56:34

Do you put any details about your dc on your profile? E.g. mention you have kids, state their ages or gender, have them in any of your pictures? And/or on open facebook pages?

If so, best not to. There are people who trawl dating sites for singke mums and it looks like you found one...or he found you. And you can see from your research how easy it is to join the dots about someone I.e. if you could about him then he can about you.

Well done for doing your must ge very shocked brew I would consider letting the dating site you used know what you found out and screen shot his profile before he hides it andconsider informing the police it is possible he is breaching his parole and his parole officer should be informed.

justiceofthePeas Sat 29-Mar-14 00:58:02

^ ^ this is for the sake of the children of anyone who is not as smart and/or lucky as you.

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 00:59:35

justice I never added him as a friend. he had bits and bobs that were public.
I never shared names or details of my kids. just said that I had kids iyswim
do you think I should report him? I really want to delete and move ob but is scarey to think he could approach others....

KissesBreakingWave Sat 29-Mar-14 00:59:38

Athough do be careful. A google of my real name brings up the chap of the same name - down to the same middle initial, no less - who went on a drink-and-drug fuelled stolen-car-robbery-and-firearms rampage through the middle of the city where I was working at the time. It was all over the local news, I got a relieved of quite a lot of urine at the time.

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 01:01:53

kisses I get that... I didn't want to get into a discussion about it with him. I said I wasn't ready to meet anyone and wished him luck. but he confirmed it by saying " you foubd out".

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 01:04:05

so should I ring police?

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 01:33:14

so I rang the police and they were really nice about it and took some details for intelligence.
feeling a bit better now that I am rid of him and have passed on the info.
Hopefully can get some sleep now

Dirtybadger Sat 29-Mar-14 01:43:37

Well done. I'm not a Police Officer but study an allied area so have a few friends. They are aware of where registered sex offenders live and keep a bit of an eye, apparently, so I'm sure the information you've provided will be helpful smile

holidaysarenice Sat 29-Mar-14 02:12:45

It should be reported to the police, it may well breach part of his community order.

EirikurNoromaour Sat 29-Mar-14 08:52:43

Can you report it to the dating site?

RedRoom Sat 29-Mar-14 09:08:34

Thank god you found out. You wouldn't want him anywhere near your kids (or you). Bestiality and child porn: shudder.

something2say Sat 29-Mar-14 09:16:07

I work in this field too. How scary for you. Great that you reported it. It may be that he has conditions not to have anything to do with people with children and he breached this knowingly. The internet is a scary place at times. I came a copper once, got involved with a man who eventually admitted having tried to have sex with an underage girl who had grown up and pointed fingers at him in the street with her friends. He was then raided by the cops and all his pcs taken away for examination for googling child porn sites. He fled the area ASAP and now lives out of the uk and works as a gardener. In a school. It is sick making.

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 11:02:45

it is sick.

police were lovely and took all his details etc including his screen name etc.

they said technically he may have done nothing wrong but it would be put on his file.
the police lady seemed genuinely upset for me... was good to be taken seriously.

seriously scary shit though. trouble is that you can't go around being suspicious of people because it isn't fair. but doesn't half make you think sad

PigletUnrepentant Sat 29-Mar-14 11:13:16

No, you can't go around being suspicious about people but when it comes to online dating, it is essential to do a google search. You have no one to give you "character references" about someone when he is not even from the area or know anyone you know.

itwillgetbettersoon Sat 29-Mar-14 11:36:48

For my information and others what research should one do. I've been for coffee with two OD fellas and really knew nothing about them not even their surnames - but then they knew nothing about me too. Do you ask for their full name before going on the first date etc?

Trooperslane Sat 29-Mar-14 11:46:07

Sounds like you're handling it really well OP

Just adding make sure your Facebook privacy settings are super tight.


dreamingbohemian Sat 29-Mar-14 11:52:16

I think you should report it to the dating agency as well. They will either kick him off or keep an eye on him. You don't want another woman who doesn't think to google him to get involved with him.

BeforeAndAfter Sat 29-Mar-14 11:57:06

At least with OLD and the prevalence of social media you can find out this stuff. Imagine if you'd met him the old-fashioned way - a night out or similar. Chances are you would not have thought to google him, let alone have had enough info to figure it all out. Good for you for having your wits about you. Take care.

whitedoorbell Sat 29-Mar-14 12:01:27

itwillget my phone found his Facebook from his mobile number. then I just searched "joe bloggs Chelmsford" or whatever and up he popped!

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