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One Night Stand back to haunt me

(19 Posts)
OnEdgeNow Fri 28-Mar-14 11:33:09

About a year ago I had a one night stand with a guy who works in my local pub, I was drunk, had just been dumped and regretted it completely the next day.

Since then he hounded me with text messages and telephone calls.

I told him to back off and the texts dwindled a little and I blocked his number. He lives and works fairly close by so I would see him sometimes and ignore him.

Anyway, rewind to last November, I saw him on my street pushing a girl up against a building, I intervened and she said she was ok, she walked off in opposite direction. He was being a bit slimey with me and I told him in no uncertain terms, keep away from me, my friends and my house. He started saying "you don't mean that, you fucking loved it" after which I slapped him hard across the face and repeated to keep away.

Few months later I'm walking home from work and there he is, walking away from the small block of flats I live in. He must have been inside because it is like a cul de sac and there is no reason for him to be there unless he was visiting someone in them. He held eye contact and gave me a angry look.

Anyway I have seen him a few times and ignored. Last night when I got home I saw him walk past and into the building where the communal laundry room is. So he has moved into my block of flats.

I feel scared, threatened and anxious about this. I feel like he's taking the piss.

Should I say something to him, clear the air? (I felt bad after I slapped him, it was a hefty whack) I have an appointment with housing officer next week regarding a flat transfer (originally unrelated to this) so maybe I could give some info about the situation...which could be slightly embarassing for me.

I feel stressed out, just as I was forgetting about him he's back on the scene.

I am also in a 10 month relationship, my partner is fully aware of the situation but does not live with me

quietlysuggests Fri 28-Mar-14 11:47:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnEdgeNow Fri 28-Mar-14 11:54:35

I only know his first name, I don't know what the police would do really.

onetiredmummy Fri 28-Mar-14 11:58:14

Just to clarify OP, do you suspect he's stalking you & has come to live in your block because you're there? Or do you think its a shitty coincidence?

If its the former then have a chat with the police yes brew

struggling100 Fri 28-Mar-14 12:15:27

You poor thing, he sounds absolutely vile. I am not surprised you feel threatened - it sounds like he has definitely stalked you in the past, if he isn't still doing so. I would definitely tell the housing association and see if you can get that transfer as a matter of priority. Explain in detail (like you have done here) and ask if there's anything that can be done to hurry the process along.

Is there any way you can let a neighbour who is friendly know, so that you have someone on hand in case you need help? They may be able to keep an eye out on your behalf.

I'd also have a chat with the local police, just to make sure that they have the history on record and are apprised of the situation. If you do have any problems in future (God forbid), there will then be a record in place. I don't want to sound alarmist, but I think I'd be tempted to carry an attack alarm and a fully charged mobile at all times.

QueenofallIsee Fri 28-Mar-14 12:33:20

Don't talk to him or anything OP, you don't want to make yourself more vulnerable or buy into his power trips. He is clearly a horrible little man. Take your personal safety seriously. If you are already planning to move that is good, you don't need to tell you housing officer about the sex but I would be saying that you had been threatened and hounded by him before. Be open with people in your life about your fears. Act straight away if there is any aggression. Be safe

OnEdgeNow Fri 28-Mar-14 12:57:26

Thank you for your replies. As it is housing association I think it is shitty coincidence that he moved in. It may be that he is just seeing someone there. I saw him again behind me on the way to work as I left my flat, for someone who works nights I was shocked to see him at 8.30am.

I don't really have any friendly neighbours, guy downstairs is a drug dealer and smokes pot all day, single guy next door is never home and well, the couple downstairs could be an idea.

I will definitely be asking them to make me priority. I would feel so much better living away from him and the town area (I live bang centre in the middle of town in a very rough estate).

I may pop into the police station after work, only thing is I reset my phone recently so all his messages have gone. I don't have much to go on really

Callani Fri 28-Mar-14 15:11:18

It doesn't matter if you don't have evidence - you can tell them about his behaviour, the following you and turning up unexpectedly. Just ask for them to put it on the record and then if you continue to have concerns they'll already have seen you've mentioned it.

glasgowsteven Fri 28-Mar-14 15:18:49

Ask your partner to have a word with him,

either matey matey to start with, she is with me now so leave it ahht

or less matey Stay away from my partner or else

OnEdgeNow Fri 28-Mar-14 16:09:36

My partner has already had a "to do" with him which resulted in my partner punching him in the face after he told my partner how much I enjoyed the sex...

So the last thing I want is another stand off. Partner has told em to stay away from him and to ingore him but I'm gonna fucking worry now just doing the laundry. I'm the kind of person who would rather confront these things like speak to him next time I see him and find out if he is living there and ask why

SolidGoldBrass Fri 28-Mar-14 16:26:14

I appreciate that you are creeped out by this man but so far he hasn't laid an unwanted finger on you yet he has been physically attacked by both you and your partner.
I'm not saying his behaviour is OK. He does sound like a stalker and a fucking nuisance but if you escalate police involvement, he will say that you hit him and your partner hit him and that he's the victim here and it could all get very unpleasant indeed.
As you are planning to move anyway, I would suggest keeping out of his way - has he actually texted, spoken to or bothered you in any way recently? - and getting out of what sounds like a fairly unpleasant home anyway. Good luck.

sexypantsformum Fri 28-Mar-14 16:31:42

O think you and your partner need to wind it in before you get arrested for assault.

Kendodd Fri 28-Mar-14 16:35:53

shock that you "I slapped him hard across the face" I didn't read anything below that. There is no excuse for doing that in that situation, it wasn't self defence, I don't know what happened after that because as I said I didn't read any further.

OnEdgeNow Fri 28-Mar-14 17:03:05

He was being vile and intimidating. I don't regret slapping him, may I remind you this was after watching him push a young woman against some shutters on a shop by my flat.

Apocalypto Fri 28-Mar-14 18:09:58

He was being vile and intimidating. I don't regret slapping him

I'm sure men who slap women would say the same with equal justification.

I'm the kind of person who would rather confront these things like speak to him next time I see him and find out if he is living there and ask why

It's none of your business. But as you're going to be confrontational presumably he'd be within his rights to slap you.

You sound like a really nasty bit of work.

SolidGoldBrass Fri 28-Mar-14 18:22:01

Unless he is still bothering you, I think you can safely assume that he's got the message, having had two smacks in the face. Him giving you an unpleasant look when he sees you is perhaps slightly understandable. If that's all that he's done since the last time he was assaulted, 'confronting' him again could well lead to you being the one who gets arrested as it would legally be regarded as a disproportionate response.

Oldraver Fri 28-Mar-14 19:12:15

Both you and your partner have assaulted him. I think in the eyes of the police it would trump any of his behaviour (no matter how intimidating and slimey) toward you.

Think yourself lucky he hasn't gone to the police himself

Apocalypto Sat 29-Mar-14 10:51:02

The OP is Cormac McCarthy and I claim my £5.

JackieOHH Sat 29-Mar-14 11:00:16

I think you and your oh sound slightly unhinged. Presumably this one night stand was consensual sex? He didn't force you? So why are you so angry and confrontational with him??
No wonder he's pissed off with you, slapping his face. Ok, he had a woman up against a wall, but was it violent? Was she as willing as he was?, then decided better of it when the ' jealous psycho ex' turned up?
Sorry but that's what it looks like to me. And as for your partner punching him, well, he's very possibly building a strong case against you both for assault.
My advice? Don't look at him, don't speak to him, and don't physically attack him again.

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