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16 years lost

(9 Posts)
Hup Fri 28-Mar-14 11:08:54

And I just can't get over it.

H and I separated four weeks ago after a couple of bad months. We had 15 wonderful years together and the last year has been iffy due to me being ill and not talking about it as life just got in the way. He stopped loving me and bang. Gone. Lots of nasty things said over last couple of months by both of us (although would never have been said if he hadn't started the whole process).

Nobody else involved on either side, just a year of financial problems. Work stresses and illness.

Thing is I still love him. Life will be rubbish financially. DS is totally broken (have had to get CAHMS involvement due to his erratic behaviour). We had a brilliant life - friends, great social life, good holidays, wonderful family. I just can't believe that a few bad months have led to him leaving because it got tough and instead of telling me and working on it he just decided it was over.

I am just so sad and feel like I have lost my wonderful life. I am too old and too fat and too sad to want to try and build a new life.

My heart is broken.

Nomama Fri 28-Mar-14 11:28:10

To old, too fat, too sad. So all you have to look forward to is something better!

Shout Bollocks and move on.

Look after yourself, make him step up for DS. And live up to at least one corny platitude:

The best revenge is to live well.

Good luck smile

onetiredmummy Fri 28-Mar-14 12:03:15

The 16 years haven't been lost, all the experience you now have will carry you though. Those years have moulded you into who you are, & its sad when it ends but it doesn't mean you're going to be sad & lonely for the rest of your life! The resentment will fade & you will settle into your new life & it will be fine smile

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Mar-14 14:29:37

I'm sorry you're going through this experience. It's always horrible to be rejected and your STBX sounds like a charmer. It's unlikely to have been just a few bad months that led to him leaving. That said I agree with the PP that the time you spent together and your wonderful life are not lost, you're just moving onto a new phase. With any luck, a better phase.

You sound very depressed, which is understandable. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to and confide in? Would you consider talking to your GP? There will come a point where you stop feeling sorry for yourself and start getting angry with someone who would treat you like shit..... grab hold of that when it happens because it will give you energy

Hup Fri 28-Mar-14 22:55:37

I know. I just love him and it is so sad it got to this. He is a wonderful man, dad and husband. We just forgot to be a couple.

WitchWay Fri 28-Mar-14 22:58:22

we just forgot to be a couple
sad sad

TDada Fri 28-Mar-14 23:05:26

So sorry to hear. Start looking after your self and loving will be most appealing when you do this.

I can only recommend twpo things:

1)Get the endorphins going with intense exercise

2)Imagine yourself in a "chips are down" movie where you are the heroine...put the music on t=and dance and sing with your will survive and love again.


Hup Sat 29-Mar-14 09:49:46

I know I need to da all these things but I just can't get my head around it being over. For no real reason.

Am dreading tomorrow

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 29-Mar-14 09:55:16

It'll take you a long time to get your head round the sudden end to something you thought was OK. You are going to be wondering 'why?' and you are unlikely to get satisfactory answers. It's very important to do whatever it takes not to dwell on it too much. So stay busy, make plans, be with people who like and support you, do what you makes you happy .... fill all your waking hours with something constructive and push the negative thoughts out of your head for as long as possible each day

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