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Sexless marriage.

(7 Posts)
longbay Thu 27-Mar-14 13:30:14

Been together for around 14 yrs. Had our first child 5yrs ago and then a second 2 yrs ago. We both had an extremely high sex drive when we first met but it began to fizzle out after a few years. I can count on one hand how many times we've been together in the last 12 months.
Everything else about our relationship is pretty much perfect. I've bought it up with DH a few times but it hasn't made a difference. I'm not hugely bothered by it as most of the time we're too bloody tired anyway! But I wanted to know if perhaps this could be a sign that perhaps our marriage won't last?

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 27-Mar-14 13:41:58

If neither of you are too bothered about it and if you're quite happy, close, enjoy spending time together and are physically affectionate with each other in other respects then that's not necessarily a problem. If there was not only no sex but you were also sitting in separate rooms not talking or sniping at each other all the time then it might be a bad sign.

What you have to be a little careful about, however, is that it doesn't become an ingrained habit. Life, work, children etc can be time-consuming and tiring so it's important to prioritise your relationship along the way and do a bit of sexual team-building.

longbay Thu 27-Mar-14 15:14:34

Thanks for your reassurance Cogito. You talk a lot of sense.

Annarose2014 Thu 27-Mar-14 15:20:02

From what I've heard you have to watch that the kisses and the cuddles don't stop. Particularly the flirty banter.

I once read that the real danger point in a marriage comes when banter stops.

AuntieStella Thu 27-Mar-14 15:20:16

One thing to pay attention to is how your DH reacts when you do talk about it. If it's clear that the relationship is still loving, but libido has waned for both of you, then that's just how things are now. But if he is strange or defensive, then it is always worth working out why.

Bumbandit Thu 27-Mar-14 15:49:50

I think you may not be that unusual OP. One at 5 and one at 2? That is knackering. We only have one and we are down to once a month ish as pretty tired too. What we have found helps is having a babysitter come every two weeks just for a couple of hours so we can go out and talk - just reconnect as a couple a bit, you know? Otherwise its all about the logistics of 'can you do that then' isn't it?

knowledgeispower Thu 27-Mar-14 16:03:46

I'd definitely second the time to yourselves idea as it is easy with small ones to put yourself last.

Do you have any family members who could help out to give you and DH some quality time?

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