DH and I have had sex about twice a year, maybe 4 since DC was born 4 years ago. Before that sex was more frequent but we weren't exactly sexual animals - sex twice a month possibly. Mid cycle I get horny but otherwise I would never initiate sex. I sometimes wonder whether there's sth wrong with me. DH is now not much better - I have a feeling that being turned down he's just stopped asking. We don't really talk about it and he rarely pesters me. I think I am quite inhibited and would like to be different but don't really know how. If I initiate sex I do it in a really roundabout way and last time (October) it took him ages to get the hint. I worry about being too sluttish - whatever that means. I've never given him a blow job while he goes down on me whenever he gets the opportunity. After climaxing, I always feel slightly embarrassed and feel like hiding my face. I also feel my contributions to our sex life is boring. I only had one boyfriend before him so not particularly experienced but still I sometimes hate myself as I'd like to be a bit more enterprising but just to know how and how to get rid of my inhibitions as I'm late 30s. Whenever I try to explain how I feel DH just shrugs and says well we're married who cares what we do. But it doesn't really help. DH is lovely and we have an otherwise good happy relationship. Sex before DC was more frequent but nothing different except DC was conceived during a phase when we had lots of sex - the only time in our relationship probably. With DC around we have obviously less couple time, we hardly ever do date nights and DH works lots and comes home tired. I work too but only PT now and less stressed. I'm not worried about my body image particularly. I had an episiotomy with DC so was put off sex for a while after that as it was sore and felt different (still does) but I wouldn't say it was the only reason. Just not sure what to do and wondering if anyone has any ideas. Sometimes feels like I'm missing out on life and that one day DH will wake up and want something/someone a bit more fun.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I was in a similar position, and I think it is something that you have to work through with your DH. What really helped me though was reading the Savage Love advice column in the Seattle Stranger (there are archives online going back to 2001 or something). It's a sex and relationships column written by Dan Savage, and although a lot of people on mn would really hate some of his views, I found it really helped me change my attitude towards sex and communicating. It is not for the faint hearted (you can't even imagine the range of people who write to him), and it might not be your cup of tea. It's just what worked for me when I was in your shoes 
www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?archives=all
If you're feeling brave! 
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.