Firstly a disclaimer, I have serious trust issues... after 12 years with a husband who just constantly lied and cheated. I had years of signs that he was up to no good but always got fobbed off with every excuse in the book and all the gaslighting you can imagine, until eventually I answered the phone to OW and he could lie no more.
So after thinking I would never ever meet anyone again and be alone forever, I eventually started seeing a new guy 5 months ago. He is awesome, sex is amazing, we have an amazing connection and time together and he is seemingly devoted to me.
But I needed to be certain things were really what they seemed and he wasn't hiding anything from me.
So I'm slightly ashamed to admit I downloaded a keylogger software and recorded his email and facebook passwords.
He is working away for 2 months and I had to test before I commit. He had pledged undying love and asked me to marry him. It has been incredibly romantic and whilst I've felt swept away and very happy I just needed to be sure. I have kids and can't allow myself to be messed around again. I'm terrified of wasting years on a good liar again.
So anyway, cut to the point. He has been away less than a month and already contacted the ex wife of a mutual friend, for friendly chat - 1.5 hrs of fb chat. To my eyes it was totally casting a fishing line and seeing if she would bite. She asked him straight if he was involved with me and he told her I was in love with him but was purposely vague about us.
Now he has also contacted a friend of his friends girlfriend, clearly with the hope of striking up some sort of friendship.
He sent the message to her only 5 mins after sending all sorts of heartfelt beautiful messages to me
I think he probably fits the profile of a man who spends many evenings alone working and is looking for distractions with online romances. Maybe it's an old habit he can't quit. But basically he has not been honest, he is pretending to be someone he isn't.
I know I should just cut all contact, hard as it will be. I am in love with him and have had the most wonderful few months and truly believed I had met an awesome man. The truth now is so fucking depressing.
But what can I tell him to explain?
I feel like blocking him on all mediums is the only way, heart breaking as it is. I almost want to confront him so he can reassure me and make promises etc.. But that route is madness and just my need for this not to be the pile of shit it clearly is.
But he will obviously want to know why I have suddenly ended our relationship and I don't want to explain what I have done.
help please!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I needed to know, I snooped and now I know he's no good, now what?
sosooootired · 26/03/2014 16:32
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.