Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Talk me down. DH away with colleagues. I have his iPad. FB messages.

(199 Posts)
RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl Wed 26-Mar-14 00:11:42

Dh away on conference with colleagues. He's left his ipad here and FB messages show in the locked screen. Loads of messages from female colleague. I looked. Messages earlier like we're all drinking wine in so and so's room, come and join us.... fine.

But the latest exchange was of her taking the piss about something. Him saying 'love you', then 'not tired yet' and 'can I come down. Talk', she says 'Yeah for 15 min

That was nearly an hour ago. Green eyed me sent him a message to ask wtf was going on 45 mins ago and he's not seen it.

RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl Wed 26-Mar-14 00:13:08

I'm shaking. He's not the cheating type. What am I meant to think?

Innocentbystander01 Wed 26-Mar-14 00:14:40

Holds hand. Screen shot all the messages and have a drink. Somebody with better advice will be along in a minute.

anonforabit Wed 26-Mar-14 00:14:58

Ummm, it might be nothing I guess, but I'd be thinking the same as you I'm afraid. Sorry

VanitasVanitatum Wed 26-Mar-14 00:15:44

Don't panic. Really could just be drunk, just mates, just talking. She said 'yeah for 15 mins'.. That doesn't sound dodgy

impatientlywaiting Wed 26-Mar-14 00:16:20

Sorry I'm useless with no advice. I understand why you are feeling as you are, and here for handholding duties.

Ziggyzoom Wed 26-Mar-14 00:16:36

I wouldn't be happy with the 'love you' comment or the fact that he is worming his way into her room late at night, but I would have kept quiet and observed for a bit longer. I too would be angry and you have my empathy.

anonforabit Wed 26-Mar-14 00:16:43

Does he have a laptop or PC at home that you can access? I'm assuming the iPad is locked?

BOFtastic Wed 26-Mar-14 00:16:59

I'd say that he is pissed and randy, and she's not all that keen.

Sorry sad

badgerknowsbest Wed 26-Mar-14 00:22:18

Before you messaged him, did he speak to you and tell you who he was with it if they were going for drinks?

I suppose his messages may be taken out of context, however it doesn't look good. sad

ParsleyTheLioness Wed 26-Mar-14 00:23:30

Sorry. Not good...

IAmNotDarling Wed 26-Mar-14 00:25:24

Ring the hotel and ask to be put through to her room.
When she answers ask to speak to your DH saying x emergency.
When he comes on the phone, tell him to put his dick back in his pants and return to his room where you will call him in exactly x number of mins.

Then leave the bastard to stew until the morning.

ThePost Wed 26-Mar-14 00:31:06

God, I'm sorry. Make sure you have a record of the conversation before your H deletes it.

RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl Wed 26-Mar-14 00:43:42

I'm messaging him now. He deleted the conversation before I could screen shot it. I don't think anything happened. I'm not convinced he didn't want it to.

RandomInternetStranger Wed 26-Mar-14 01:00:48

My male work colleagues and I flirt and say love you and there is absolutely nothing in it at all so I wouldn't necessarily look into that too much but I would not be happy about going to her room late. It could be innocent, maybe one of them had a few words with someone else & drunken interpretation caused offence and he wants to sort it out, maybe she's said or done something she shouldn't and he's putting her straight, but I think it could wait till morning.

EverythingCounts Wed 26-Mar-14 01:00:53

You know you saw what you saw. Deletion doesn't change that. Don't have it out by text though, tell him there needs to be a serious talk face to face asap. When is the trip supposed to finish?

RandomInternetStranger Wed 26-Mar-14 01:01:26

But I agree, take screen shots!

TeaOneSugar Wed 26-Mar-14 01:09:49

I'd call his room, reasonable to expect him to be there at this time.

RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl Wed 26-Mar-14 01:39:38

Just spoken to him. I believe that nothing happened, he's drunk and was after nicotine and she had an e fag. According to him it turned into a flirty conversation to get her to give him nicotine. He didn't think that I'd have access to his fb messages. Utter twat.
though I'm satisfied that nothing happened, he now knows lots and clear that I do not stand for him flirting with other women, let alone going to their hotel room. I think he appreciates how I feel and that he might feel the same in my shoes and that the wonderful Trust that I had in him has evaporated. He vows to win back my trust if I'll let him. I also have made it wrote clear that I absolutely do not appreciate feeling like this at what is now 1.40 in the morning when I'll be expected to get up with 2 small dc at about 5.30.
I've told him to not go near this woman again other than for work purposes and I expect him to make some excuse next time there's a work overnighter. I may mellow, but at the moment I am beyond Green eyed.

RolyPolyLittleBatFacedGirl Wed 26-Mar-14 01:40:23

*loud and clear

PassAFist Wed 26-Mar-14 01:46:49

Glad you got hold of him and could sort it out tonight rather than have to worry, although now I imagine you will just spend the rest of the night seething (I would).
I would be having a reminder conversation face to face when he gets home too.
He probably doesn't even realize how much of an idiot he has been tonight.

ThePost Wed 26-Mar-14 04:09:42

Why did he delete the messages if it's all "flirty" but innocent. hmm

Missesbumble Wed 26-Mar-14 04:52:15

It doesn't sound good and I'm not at all surprised you were shaking. I've been there and know that gut wrenching feeling you get. Green eyed or not, you have every right to feel the way you do. I would feel the same in your shoes. I don't want to pour oil on the fire but I do know from experience that some men will & do say anything to get out of a sticky situation. I hope you can have a proper chat with him when he gets home and he does totally take on board how his actions made you feel. However, has Thepost says, I would also be wondering why he felt the need to delete the messages if it was all innocent.

FunkyBoldRibena Wed 26-Mar-14 06:37:44

After an e-cig?

Is that what they call it these days?

Snargaluff Wed 26-Mar-14 06:39:08

No way is what he's told you the truth!!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: