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Am I doing the right thing?

(6 Posts)
FacingRealityIn2014 Tue 25-Mar-14 22:54:25

This will be long I'm sorry I just need to clear my thoughts.

I've known my parter for over 10 years. First as a friend of my parents then as a customer when I did pub work and then as a friend. I knew him when he walked out on he's long time partner on holiday to move in with hes new gf. I was around when he split up with her a couple of years later after treating her like shit in the hopes she would dump him. When I left pub work I stayed friend with him, he's first ex and went on a couple of dates with he's son. It didn't work with the son, and the friendship with the ex fizzled out as she didn't like that as a single mum I cant go out drinking every weekend and girly nights at home whilst my daughter slept wasn't her cup of tea.

anyway my partner used to come over as a friend and we'd watch tv, have a chat etc eventually we started to go on days out with my dd and then one day he made a pass at me. Since then in private we have been a couple but in public we are just friends which has been going on for a year now. We have now reached the point where we either need to come out or end things. He wants to come out and always has done, it's always been my choice to stay secret. My isses are he is over twice my age. I dont find him physically attractive, I dont know if I'm with him because im fed up being alone. Other than a few failed attemps at dating I've been a single mum for 10 years now.

I don't know what to do. Do I continue how we are which is making him unhappy, come out and tell everyone, or end it and hope we can stay friends? I'm feeling so confused and like such a bad person.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill Tue 25-Mar-14 23:00:58

So you're wondering whether you have a future with a man you don't find attractive, and who cheats to get himself dumped?

I think you need to sort your head out. There is nothing wrong with being on your own you know.

quietlysuggests Tue 25-Mar-14 23:02:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheresmysocks Wed 26-Mar-14 02:17:04

Op... read your post again.

Good luck.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 26-Mar-14 03:54:13

Og goodness he sounds awful. Get rid and get councelling.

FacingRealityIn2014 Wed 26-Mar-14 10:38:25

He's a nice guy to friends just not to women hes dating when he decides he is ready to move on. So yeah that's a very big worry for me.

I do like him. I enjoy he's company and miss him when he's not around. Does there have to be physical attraction in a relationship? I am a very private person and I know coming out will cause a big stir and possibly fall out from hes ex and son which I really don't want to deal with.

Over the past 18 months my confidence has come on leaps and bounds. And a lot of that's down to him boosting me up even before we started dating. If he walked away tomorrow I would be very hurt and upset but I would be ok. I know I don't have to be with him. I can do a fantastic job on my own and I'm capable of meeting someone else if I chose as I have a lot to offer.

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