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Feeling very odd

(4 Posts)
Chickens123 Tue 25-Mar-14 20:02:01

I keep posting on here but really need support and an idea if others have been in my situation. A couple of months go I was set up on a date with a recently separated man, it really fucked me up. He was nice and kind and probably a bit shocked that a ran off! He gave me his business card in case I changed my mind which in hindsight is funny. I was sexually assaulted 5 yeArs ago and have never told anyone. I have also been through a lot of abuse in my life. I just could not handle it. I've been alone 10 years and really could not cope. I contacted my friends and spoke to them but since then they have been COLD in the extreme. No calls, no texts, no contact at all. I often feel the butt of their humour anyway. I don't go out of an evening, I panic all the time, have dreadful anxiety attacks. can't get interested in things. I spend most of my time alone. I've been speaking to the Samaritans a lot and they have suggested that disclosing the assault was too much for my friends to deal with and it may be that things never recover. I've tried many times to speak to my GP and I'm on the waiting list for long term therapy. But it's been over two years now.
Do you think that I need to just let these friends simmer down or should I just move on. Looking back on things they are never really around and I'm always the outsider.

LoisPuddingLane Tue 25-Mar-14 20:07:56

Carrying the burden of sexual assault is a horrible thing. It's difficult to know who to tell about it. Maybe your friends did not know what to say. For all you know, one or two of them may have been assaulted, and it stirred unwelcome memories. Rape and sexual assault is unfortunately quite common.

Only you know if you want to be friends with these people. If you were often the butt of their humour, they don't sound great.

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 20:12:00

Chickens it sounds like you are really struggling with things and could do with some proper support and a chance to talk about what has happened to you. Could you chase up the referral for therapy? Talk to your GP again? Have you got family around you? Two years is a long time to wait for therapy. Have you considered a rape crisis centre? They can have shorter waiting lists and can offer specialist counselling. Please get yourself some help with this.

Chickens123 Tue 25-Mar-14 21:45:50

No family around me and beginning to realise friends were very much fair weather friends. Ended up in hospital last week, I've been starving myself and tok too many sleeping pills (to stop the flashbacks and nightmares as opposed to a suicide attempt) I fell and banged my head and also got mild hypothermia. The hospital are going to try and speed up things. I've got an appointment at the GP tomorrow to speak with her about what happened last week. It all got too much and had been building up for a long time. The pressure of hiding the assault ( unfortunately it was not an isolated incident it happened before 20 + years ago as well when I was raped by a boyfriend) have been eating away at me. The last incident 5 years ago I was threatened not to tell and if I did my DD would be taken into care. Now she is older and this is far less lightly to happen, it's time to speak out. I've been in touch with victim support who were recommended by rape crisis.
I will keep you posted. Thanks for the support.

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