Has anyone ended it with someone they love but they know is not right for them?

[endlessdrudgery]

Just that really. Have posted here before but name changed. I ended a relationship a couple of days ago after three years. I'm in my late forties and a single mum and wondering if I'm crazy because it could have changed my life but I just wasn't getting my emotional needs met. Maybe I want too much? Any one been there? It's so tempting to pick up the phone. I have hurt him and could go back but all the same issues will still be there...

[withextradinosaurs]

Yes. Last week. Hurts like hell but it wasn't working and it won't work.

for us both.

[Walkacrossthesand]

Me too. 3 years ago. I ended it because it wasn't going anywhere - shed a few tears every day for weeks, but gradually left it behind and it was the right thing to do.

[endlessdrudgery]

Thanks with, keep thinking I must be mad. Really hurting and wondering if this means I made a mistake. But not really happy about lots of things but lots really good. Just very sad. And have run out of wine :(

[WolfMoon]

Yes. And two weeks later I met my wonderful, wonderful DH. It hurts like hell but it will get so much better.

[endlessdrudgery]

Walk it sounds similar - lots of talk of a future but still living apart after three years. It could easily have become ten years with no progress and I'm too old for that. How did you know it was the right thing to do?

[crispyporkbelly]

You will meet someone who can meet your emotional needs.

Just think about the negative things so it doesn't hurt so bad

[endlessdrudgery]

Thanks WolfMoon for some inspiration. I can't help but wonder if it was my last chance...

[BertieBotts]

Yes. I threw up repeatedly - only time that's ever happened from emotional things.

You have made the right choice. It wasn't your last chance. You know that it wouldn't have made you happy long term. Be strong!

It does really really hurt and shake you but it will get better. In time you will wonder what on earth you ever saw in him :)

[BertieBotts]

Are you 93? If not, it is not too late.

[endlessdrudgery]

It's ironic that when you've finally had enough they can somehow manage to express just how much you mean to them. But before it was like getting blood out of a stone .

[Charley50]

My mum met the love of her life aged 78. But I don't know if should bring hope or be deeply depressing :-/

[endlessdrudgery]

Ha! Not 93 but bloody 47!!! (can't quite believe it and I don't look it of course .

[Slapperati]

Yes, exactly the same as you. 3.5 years together and still firmly in boyfriend/girlfriend territory - and no sign of anything changing. I left and met DH a year or so later.

[endlessdrudgery]

Erm, thanks Charley (I think?) .

[withextradinosaurs]

I tried to end it last year but went back because of the pain. It just dragged it out. Trust your instinct. Three years sounds long enough for you both to have built up momentum and a sense of a shared future. If that wasn't there, I don't think it would ever have come x

[BertieBotts]

...when you've finally had enough they can somehow manage to express just how much you mean to them. But before it was like getting blood out of a stone

And this is exactly why you don't want him. Fake emotion he can switch on and off at will? Not real feelings or emotion, from his side. You're well rid.

[BertieBotts]

And oh, believe me, even if his hurt seemed genuine, it was not the same hurt that you are feeling now, if anything he was feeling sorry for himself. He will not be missing you, but the fact that he had a girlfriend but now doesn't.

[wallaby73]

This sounds oh so familiar.....but in my situation, i have 2 kids and my own home, and i just will not move anyone else into their home, it wouldn't work, they would feel invaded. Likewise he has 3 kids and his own home, and feels the same way. We live 2 miles apart, each happy in our own set up, but i still feel there is "something" lacking, but the way i feel presently, nothing is ever perfect, we don't want to live together mainly in the best interests of our children, and also we like our own space. But? .......... I don't know!!

[purplebaubles]

Yep. Left ex fiance 10 years ago, after being together for 7 years. Loved him to bits, but it was never going anywhere (as in marriage/kids)

Still very good friends with him now. He's like family tbh. Speak to him probably once a week. He's good friends with my now husband

I get the best of both worlds!

[endlessdrudgery]

If we could get past the hurt I think being friends would be great. How do you achieve that purple?

[Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme]

I sometimes feel a bit like this with dh. Sometimes I rant and say we'll end up bloody divorced. He just shrugs. He is incapable of real emotion. Well, where I'm concerned. Yet he talks about when the house will be finished and what we'll do and makes plans for the future. I just think he's unable to express himself. It's bloody frustrating. I do feel unloved sometimes.

Sometimes I imagine a little cottage just for me and my girls. Then I think the reality would be flat stony broke and loneliness and I can't face it.

[notsowiseowl]

Yes.... I felt I never emotionally committed to him as I knew it wasn't quite right. We were together off and on for 18 months. I wish I had ended it sooner - kinder all round. We finished last Spring but I didn't meet anyone lovely until Christmas - which is another story on another thread!! Good luck, you have done the right thing. Onwards with the rest of your new life!!

[withextradinosaurs]

Ilove, he makes plans for the future. That sounds good. I'm guessing OP's partner never did that, but I'm projecting wildly!

[BeforeAndAfter]

Yes, 12 days ago today. I met him 17 months ago. We got together 11 months ago. I love him, adore him, fancy him like mad but ... it's not a 2-way street and I cannot love, adore and cherish someone who does not love, adore and cherish me. My XH had an affair and I left him 3 years ago (we'd been together 15 years). XH left me with such huge trust issues that this aspect also impinged on my new relationship. DP struggled with that aspect. Leaving DP hurts far far more than leaving DH because DP never actually harmed me. He just didn't love me enough. That's all.

[MizTiggle]

Yes. It was the most horrific thing I've ever done I still feel guilt over it even though I know it was the right thing to do.