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Has anyone ended it with someone they love but they know is not right for them?

(33 Posts)
endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 19:34:25

Just that really. Have posted here before but name changed. I ended a relationship a couple of days ago after three years. I'm in my late forties and a single mum and wondering if I'm crazy because it could have changed my life but I just wasn't getting my emotional needs met. Maybe I want too much? Any one been there? It's so tempting to pick up the phone. I have hurt him and could go back but all the same issues will still be there...

withextradinosaurs Tue 25-Mar-14 19:35:40

Yes. Last week. Hurts like hell but it wasn't working and it won't work.

wine for us both.

Walkacrossthesand Tue 25-Mar-14 19:40:39

Me too. 3 years ago. I ended it because it wasn't going anywhere - shed a few tears every day for weeks, but gradually left it behind and it was the right thing to do.

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 19:40:53

Thanks with, keep thinking I must be mad. Really hurting and wondering if this means I made a mistake. But not really happy about lots of things but lots really good. Just very sad. And have run out of wine sad

WolfMoon Tue 25-Mar-14 19:42:15

Yes. And two weeks later I met my wonderful, wonderful DH. It hurts like hell but it will get so much better.

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 19:47:01

Walk it sounds similar - lots of talk of a future but still living apart after three years. It could easily have become ten years with no progress and I'm too old for that. How did you know it was the right thing to do?

crispyporkbelly Tue 25-Mar-14 19:48:56

You will meet someone who can meet your emotional needs.

Just think about the negative things so it doesn't hurt so bad

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 19:49:05

Thanks WolfMoon for some inspiration. I can't help but wonder if it was my last chance...

BertieBotts Tue 25-Mar-14 19:50:53

Yes. I threw up repeatedly - only time that's ever happened from emotional things.

You have made the right choice. It wasn't your last chance. You know that it wouldn't have made you happy long term. Be strong!

It does really really hurt and shake you but it will get better. In time you will wonder what on earth you ever saw in him smile

BertieBotts Tue 25-Mar-14 19:51:29

Are you 93? grin If not, it is not too late.

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 19:55:44

It's ironic that when you've finally had enough they can somehow manage to express just how much you mean to them. But before it was like getting blood out of a stone hmm.

Charley50 Tue 25-Mar-14 19:57:27

My mum met the love of her life aged 78. But I don't know if should bring hope or be deeply depressing :-/

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 19:57:44

Ha! Not 93 but bloody 47!!! (can't quite believe it and I don't look it of course grin.

Slapperati Tue 25-Mar-14 20:01:17

Yes, exactly the same as you. 3.5 years together and still firmly in boyfriend/girlfriend territory - and no sign of anything changing. I left and met DH a year or so later.

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 20:03:10

Erm, thanks Charley (I think?) grin.

withextradinosaurs Tue 25-Mar-14 20:08:01

I tried to end it last year but went back because of the pain. It just dragged it out. Trust your instinct. Three years sounds long enough for you both to have built up momentum and a sense of a shared future. If that wasn't there, I don't think it would ever have come x

BertieBotts Tue 25-Mar-14 20:14:19

...when you've finally had enough they can somehow manage to express just how much you mean to them. But before it was like getting blood out of a stone

And this is exactly why you don't want him. Fake emotion he can switch on and off at will? Not real feelings or emotion, from his side. You're well rid.

BertieBotts Tue 25-Mar-14 20:15:34

And oh, believe me, even if his hurt seemed genuine, it was not the same hurt that you are feeling now, if anything he was feeling sorry for himself. He will not be missing you, but the fact that he had a girlfriend but now doesn't.

wallaby73 Tue 25-Mar-14 20:16:57

This sounds oh so familiar.....but in my situation, i have 2 kids and my own home, and i just will not move anyone else into their home, it wouldn't work, they would feel invaded. Likewise he has 3 kids and his own home, and feels the same way. We live 2 miles apart, each happy in our own set up, but i still feel there is "something" lacking, but the way i feel presently, nothing is ever perfect, we don't want to live together mainly in the best interests of our children, and also we like our own space. But? .......... I don't know!!

purplebaubles Tue 25-Mar-14 20:18:31

Yep. Left ex fiance 10 years ago, after being together for 7 years. Loved him to bits, but it was never going anywhere (as in marriage/kids)

Still very good friends with him now. He's like family tbh. Speak to him probably once a week. He's good friends with my now husband smile

I get the best of both worlds!

endlessdrudgery Tue 25-Mar-14 20:24:50

If we could get past the hurt I think being friends would be great. How do you achieve that purple?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Tue 25-Mar-14 20:28:44

I sometimes feel a bit like this with dh. Sometimes I rant and say we'll end up bloody divorced. He just shrugs. He is incapable of real emotion. Well, where I'm concerned. Yet he talks about when the house will be finished and what we'll do and makes plans for the future. I just think he's unable to express himself. It's bloody frustrating. I do feel unloved sometimes.

Sometimes I imagine a little cottage just for me and my girls. Then I think the reality would be flat stony broke and loneliness and I can't face it.

notsowiseowl Tue 25-Mar-14 20:34:06

Yes.... I felt I never emotionally committed to him as I knew it wasn't quite right. We were together off and on for 18 months. I wish I had ended it sooner - kinder all round. We finished last Spring but I didn't meet anyone lovely until Christmas - which is another story on another thread!! Good luck, you have done the right thing. Onwards with the rest of your new life!!

withextradinosaurs Tue 25-Mar-14 20:36:04

Ilove, he makes plans for the future. That sounds good. I'm guessing OP's partner never did that, but I'm projecting wildly!

BeforeAndAfter Tue 25-Mar-14 20:36:38

Yes, 12 days ago today. I met him 17 months ago. We got together 11 months ago. I love him, adore him, fancy him like mad but ... it's not a 2-way street and I cannot love, adore and cherish someone who does not love, adore and cherish me. My XH had an affair and I left him 3 years ago (we'd been together 15 years). XH left me with such huge trust issues that this aspect also impinged on my new relationship. DP struggled with that aspect. Leaving DP hurts far far more than leaving DH because DP never actually harmed me. He just didn't love me enough. That's all.

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