Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Terms - Toyboy Vs lover

(24 Posts)
TheVictorian Tue 25-Mar-14 17:34:13

In relationships with an age gap, what are the differences between being a woman's lover or being her toyboy ?

TheVictorian Thu 27-Mar-14 17:21:08


CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 27-Mar-14 17:41:31

'Lover' suggests someone you're seeing outside of your marriage. 'Toyboy' is just some derogatory term dreamed up by tabloids that goes hand in hand with other ridiculous ideas like 'cougars' and 'sugar daddies'. There's no actual age-gap definition.

lavenderhoney Thu 27-Mar-14 21:36:35

If he says toyboy he is positioning himself as a transitional bf who is younger and he won't be sticking around, IMO.

Lover- sounds vaguely like an affair to me, or a relationship based on sex. Which isn't a bad thing, if you are in that space.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Thu 27-Mar-14 21:47:43

Toy boy and lover are the same kind of thing. Don't you mean toy boy versus boyfriend?

TheVictorian Thu 27-Mar-14 21:48:14

Thank you for the responses so far.

TheVictorian Thu 27-Mar-14 21:50:36

MyChild more along the lines of how the differences are defined between the terms of the main question.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Mar-14 05:56:37

I really don't understand the reason for the question. Who is it using these terms and about whom?

TheVictorian Fri 28-Mar-14 09:41:51

It was a conversation i was having with a friend about the meaning of the terms.

TheVictorian Fri 28-Mar-14 09:42:35

In their correct context.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 28-Mar-14 09:48:49

Was there some disagreement on meaning?

OurMiracle1106 Fri 28-Mar-14 09:48:59

Toy boy suggests someone younger. Lover suggests someone you are sexually active with but not necessarily younger than you

TheVictorian Fri 28-Mar-14 21:57:50

Cogito Just a polite debate about the different terms.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Fri 28-Mar-14 22:06:45

Sorry, this is a boring non-starter conversation hmm

MyChildDoesntNeedSleep Fri 28-Mar-14 22:07:18

And I would have enjoyed a good debate, having a boyfriend much younger than me.

WitchWay Fri 28-Mar-14 22:13:27

Ooh I've never had a toyboy! Unless you can count a brief boyfriend 25+ years ago who was three months younger than I.

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 28-Mar-14 22:17:53

Lover sounds like it's just sex, not an emotional relationship, possibly extra-marital.

Toyboy sounds like an age gap of at least 10-15 years and all the cougar crap that goes with that assumption.

My DP is younger than me by 4-5 years and although he does mention it occasionally as a joke, it doesn't feel like a proper age gap as there's no generational/pop culture differences, which toyboy implies.

Neither term is particularly respectful to me, so if a friend seriously used one of those terms about my relationship then I'd be a bit posse off. To me, age shouldn't be the defining factor of any relationship (presuming both parties are consenting adults obvs!)

LyndaCartersBigPants Fri 28-Mar-14 22:18:37

Posse = pissed!

TheVictorian Sat 29-Mar-14 00:14:35

Whats with the term cougar women ?

Innogen Sat 29-Mar-14 01:00:56

For me, lover implies a purely sexual relationship whereas tomboy is a slur for a younger man involved with an older lady.

HowContraryMary Sat 29-Mar-14 13:20:14

Cougar implies a predator

Toyboy implies someone in it for the sex and wont stick around long term.

Lover can mean many things. But it has a romantic connotation.

lavenderhoney Sat 29-Mar-14 14:52:14

I wonder if FWB has replaced lover? Toyboy sounds as though you have no respect for your bf and he is a sex toy.

I never thought about age when dating, I was surprised to find out my dh when I met him was 5 years younger than me. LTR before was 10 years younger, but looked older.

I don't consider myself a cougar! That sounds predatory and wrong. I have heard it used in jealously by other women who are incredulous that a younger man might prefer to be with me than them of the same age.

I don't like the baby face thing though.

jayho Sat 29-Mar-14 15:20:27

toyboy = sexual object
lover = person with whom one has an essentially sexual relationship but one which also meets emotional needs and where either party might not be having their essential needs (whether sexual or emotional) being met within their 'conventional' relationship
fwb = person with whom one has sexual relationship where both parties like and respect one another but where the most significant transaction is sexual and not emotional.

Toyboy is healthy where both sides understand their roles in the relationship (giver v taker)

Lover is rarely healthy as meets need not met in one or other side's primary relationship,

FWB is usually a short term solution to 'scratching the itch' way of managing our needs in a modern world grin

TheVictorian Sat 29-Mar-14 21:23:51

Thank you all for your responses so far, there are some interesting perspectives.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: