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Scared to tell the truth

(78 Posts)
brian467 Tue 25-Mar-14 03:38:55

My wife knows of an affair I had with a coworker and we're working on our marriage, but she isn't aware of another affair I had. I want to come clean about it, but I'm terrified it'll end us.

For the last seven months, I’ve been having a sexual affair with our children’s after school nanny. She’s a student at a local college who was recommended to us by my wife’s coworker. If I’m honest with myself (and it’s no excuse whatsoever), I got caught up in a younger, attractive woman aggressively coming onto me and I didn’t stop it. It was fun and exciting and I compartmentalized the guilt by telling myself that I loved my wife and it was only sex with the nanny. I finally ended it last week and the nanny said she understood that I didn’t want to jeopardize losing my family. It’s over, but I feel my wife should know; it’s not fair to her if we're going to build a new marriage on trust and respect.

Logg1e Tue 25-Mar-14 03:40:54

I agree.

MichelloBarner Tue 25-Mar-14 03:46:07

She aggressively came on to you? Wow. From a woman's point of view we tend to call that sexual harassment or assault. Poor you. did you go to the police? It's not too late you know.

Oh hang on.....

Perhaps you might want to start by taking full responsibility for your behaviour because if you are going to go to your wife with the old chestnut that she came on so strongly to you that you had no choice but to be let by the cock kicking and screaming, it might not end so well so you.

MichelloBarner Tue 25-Mar-14 03:46:37

led not let

MichelloBarner Tue 25-Mar-14 03:50:38

And besides which, if your marriage is so dull and unfulfilling that you have felt the need to have two affairs while your children are still young enough to need a nanny, then what is there to be terrified of? Surely ending it would be a much needed release for all concerned.

You can shag away with impunity then, can't you? Go for it. Tell her today.

ThePost Tue 25-Mar-14 03:54:29

Yes, you should tell your wife. Is the nanny still working for you?

Chottie Tue 25-Mar-14 04:34:52

Don't you have any respect for your wife? It doesn't come across to me that you are truly committed to trying to save your marriage. You are in the middle of a second affair?!?!?

If you really cared, you would break off the second affair immediately, talk to your wife and change your childcare arrangements. You sound like the affairs were something that 'just happened' to you and you had no control over the circumstances.

zeldapinwheel Tue 25-Mar-14 04:45:40

Don't be scared, tell her.

Then she can get rid of the cheating piece of shit she married and find a decent person to spend her life with.

justmuddlingalong Tue 25-Mar-14 04:54:36

Sh*gging the nanny, you're such a cliche.

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay Tue 25-Mar-14 05:15:39

The sentence starting, 'It was fun', is one of the most appalling things I have ever read in my life and I am an old wise bird. Seriously, tell your wife what sort of person you are and do it today.

Uptheanty Tue 25-Mar-14 05:19:18

You're right to be scared.

I hope she dumps you as soon as she realises what a piece of crap she married.

nooka Tue 25-Mar-14 05:33:44

You are not 'working on your marriage' are you? Nor do you have any respect for her. Cheating with your kids nanny is just so grim. Your wife will be devastated because you quite obviously don't love her at all. She shouldn't trust you.

I say that as someone who rebuilt a marriage after an affair. If dh had had another affair whilst pretending to make things work I'm not sure I would ever have wanted to even talk to him again.

Betrayedbutsurvived Tue 25-Mar-14 05:42:13

I agree with dinnae, so your idea of fun is betraying your wife and risking your kids security is it? Nice. You won't get much sympathy on here I'm afraid. If your wife has any sense all she'll drop you like a hot brick. I hope the " fun" was worth losing your family over.

HowAboutNo Tue 25-Mar-14 05:44:23

She needs to be told the truth because she deserves the chance to end it. That's what happens when you cheat on someone, it tends to end a relationship/marriage.

If you love her, you'd acknowledge that you don't deserve her and give her the full truth so that she can make a decision on your marriage herself.

Betrayedbutsurvived Tue 25-Mar-14 05:46:09

That should say betraying your wife and kids is fun is it?

SadFreak Tue 25-Mar-14 05:47:25

Hmmm. Its a weird one this. Many men (cheating bastards) find themselves just suddenly in a situation of "oh whoops my cock just seems to have slipped into her vagina" situations.

Go on tell your wife. I am sure she will understand and be most sympathetic to how you were overcome by some bizarre spell the young nanny obviously put you under. Poor old you just finding yourself shagging away with no control. I am sure your wife won't think its because you are a total selfish cunt of a man who just thought about your own gratification aka fuck my wife's feelings they dont matter if I am getting to jizz inside our nanny?

You have fucked up big time but never mind just think of all the care free fucks you can have now. A dream come true for a guy who puts a quick shag above his wifes feelings. Why do you want the marriage and commitment shit? Fucking is obviously much higher on your agenda.

Newgoldheelsrock Tue 25-Mar-14 05:47:28

Wow- you're a piece of work.

I wonder what you'd think of a guy that did that to your daughter in 20 years' time. Or a son that did that to his wife.

Would you think of them as fine examples of moral citizens, trustworthy, loyal and loving?

Or weak-minded, selfish, immature, pathetic scumbags? I'd say given 99% of us would describe you as the latter, you'd be doing your wife a favour by giving her chance to meet someone decent, someone who would probably be far more of a role model to your kids than you'll ever be.

MrsUnderwood Tue 25-Mar-14 05:48:59

Nice work Brian. Working on the marriage by fucking the nanny is a sure fire winner.

Tell your wife. She needs to know you're human garbage so she can stop wasting her time.

PotteringAlong Tue 25-Mar-14 06:25:51

How were you working on your marriage if you were simultaneously shagging the nanny?!

DorothyBastard Tue 25-Mar-14 06:59:39

If working on your marriage involved fucking the nanny I dread to think how you treated you wife when you weren't working on it.

Melonbreath Tue 25-Mar-14 08:05:09

If you're wife had any sense she would end it. You're only going to go off and do it again in the end.
i would come clean and then you can go collecting all the little bits of fluff you want.
You have no marriage.
And if you really loved your wife you'd see she deserves a hell of a lot better than you're giving her.

why don't you use those bollocks for something useful like gathering them up to tell your wife what you've been doing.
Or is it you don't want to jeopardise your cosy set up? Meals on the table? Clean house? Clean clothes?

I hope your wife finds out and kicks your arse out and you will only be getting what you deserve.

I doubt you are SO attractive young nannies throw themselves at you, bit if you are perhaps wear a sign and ring a bell when you approach any women?

RollerCola Tue 25-Mar-14 08:05:55

It never ever fails to amaze me how some people can completely separate the emotions of affairs like this.

When I was married I never ever even considered an affair because the mere thought of losing my family horrified me. I was certain that if I had my dh would have found out. By sleeping with someone else you are already sharing your secret with at least one other person, and that's not including anyone else the nanny might tell. How do you live with the fear that someone will tell your wife anyway, even if you don't?

You say you're scared of losing your family, but why did the fear not stop you doing it in the first place?

I can tell you now, your wife WILL find out. You'll either tell her yourself, someone else will, or your behaviour and actions will change you so much that she'll become suspicious and work it out for herself. Then she'll agonise about what to do, you'll limp on for a few more years trying to 'work on your marriage'.

But it'll never be the same and in the end she'll leave you, telling everyone about your affairs. You'll lose your family house, you'll only see your kids at the weekend and you'll have plenty of time to pursue more ladies that throw themselves at you. While your ex wife meets a lovely new man to replace you who treats her like the respectable human being that she is.

Fuck you OP. Grow up fast.

puthyjip43 Tue 25-Mar-14 08:07:49

You're an asswipe

AnyFucker Tue 25-Mar-14 08:08:06

Shit. Crock of.

akaWisey Tue 25-Mar-14 09:47:13

Oh Brian how very, very……..pedestrian you sound.

Tell your wife. Hopefully she'll bin you, get herself a shit hot lawyer and you will live off pot noodles in a shit bedsit for the rest of.

that's if your real of course grin

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