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Don't know if I regret my decision to leave

(8 Posts)
Lostandlonelytoday Mon 24-Mar-14 19:37:17

Late last year I had a really crap time with my other half and we split. I needed him and he wasn't there for me so we split. He was a complete control freak, hated me going out (text and called every hour) but would never show me any affection or emotion and I realised I couldn't carry on the relationship. I basically did everything for him.

Anyways it still being dragged out because he constantly rings and texts telling me how much he has changed and that he could make me happy and he can give me an amazing life.

On the flip side he has also turned nasty numerous times when he doesn't get what he wants and calls me the 'C' word amongst other things and then apologises and just says it's because he gets angry with me.

I'm in a real mess with this and today everything has got on top of me. I worry that he's my only chance of happiness and that no one will love me like he does so what if I've made the wrong choice. All of my friends and family think I've made the right decision by leaving him but it's making me sad today.

I'm 30 with no babies and worry I won't have time to meet someone else and have beautiful babies which is also another thing playing on my mind. My ex has a young child but says I have taken away his chance to have another baby because he's older and won't have time to meet someone now.

Everyone tells me I'm too kind and that he takes advantage of my nice nature and he knows exactly what he's doing but I just can't seem to ignore him. I've tried blocking him but then worry if he's ok (I know that sounds utterly ridiculous!) and end up unblocking him and then all of the texts and missed calls filter through.

I can't imagine ever meeting anyone else that will accept me.

I just want to cry myself silly and can't seem to get out of this black hole I'm in. sad

Sorry for this emotional outburst but I just needed to let it out and there is nobody around I can talk to.

Only1scoop Mon 24-Mar-14 19:43:11

Lost....sorry you feeling low. You split for a reason....

He wants you back....he is nice until he doesn't hear or get what he wants the calls you a Cconfused

Any human being who calls you a name like that is not even worth the breath of your reply.

Controlling men are very dangerous IME

You need to free yourself of this person and move on properly....you are young....start making some plans for spring....go out enjoy yourself.

It doesn't sound a healthy situation for you still having contact.

Papaluigi Mon 24-Mar-14 19:47:53

poor you, what a pickle. Please don't allow yourself to get back with him, he's bad for you and hasn't really changed if he can happily call you a cunt when he feels like it.

Work on yr self esteem, look in the mirror and pick out all the good things about yourself, not just physical, tell your self your are kind, caring, etc ....believe it. Then you won't even consider being with someone who is, frankly, a bit of a mentalist.

irrationalme Mon 24-Mar-14 20:09:13

I once felt really shit about my job and the way it was going so sat down to write out my CV, something I hadn't done for a long time. I had to write in achievements/hobbies etc. After I read it back to myself I actually realised that I was quite good and had a lot going for me. I felt much better.

All this is to say why don't you write your own 'CV', and state what you want from any future relationship. Somehow I don't think a controlling bastard who calls you a cunt will feature.

Relationships should make you feel cherished & safe and somewhere out there is someone who will love and respect you. Mentally resign from this one and don't look back.

Lostandlonelytoday Mon 24-Mar-14 20:11:31

Thank you all. I think I know deep down I've made the right decision but I can't help listening to those little niggly thoughts that say I've made the wrong choice. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

lavenderhoney Mon 24-Mar-14 21:48:41

30 is very young really. Don't go back and endure more of this. Its better to be single and out with friends, or wandering round free museums and galleries, taking up a sport, than making a go of it with someone who doesn't want you to enjoy life.

If you hate your job, think about how to get a new one. See if you are legible for training or funding from work or with the OU. Post on chat for ideas and help. Use mn to think forwards and improve things as well as keeping strong for emotional support.

You need to keep busy, even if its busy doing stuff you don't like because its outside your comfort zone of this bloke and the way he occupies your head. Fill it with something else - history of Rome, family history, geo caching, park runs - anything to stop the rot.

LavenderGreen14 Mon 24-Mar-14 21:55:35

No you made the right choice. Have you ever heard of the Freedom Programme - you can even do it online if you want to for free. I think it would be very helpful to you.

AcrossthePond55 Mon 24-Mar-14 22:04:00

I have been just where you are with my XH, many years ago. You were right to leave him and you were also right to block all contact. Since there are no DCs involved there is absolutely no reason to maintain contact at all. You need to cut all contact and fight, fight, fight the temptation to unblock or 'check on him'. He's a grown man, let him take care of himself.

You will not meet Mr Right and have those lovely babies you want whilst you have Mr Wrong hanging on to you and dragging you down. When you have those niggly little thoughts, think of that. It worked for me!

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