Pistorius trial texts

[Springheeled]

Sorry maybe wrong place to post this but reading the paper today and the texts between Reeva S and Oscar P just made me so sad- the way she placated him and attempted to explain etc- they were SO like texts I used to send abusive exp to try to get him to just try and understand how his sulks and rages affected me and to try to make peace. Just :(
Who knows what the outcome if the trial will be, that's not really my point and I wouldn't want to speculate. But reading those texts made me so sad for her, myself and anyone else caught up in a similar dynamic.

[mammadiggingdeep]

I just read the reporting from today...yes, the texts includes today are classics from an abusive man in an unhealthy relationship :( she wasn't as lucky as some and didnt manage to get free.

I went cold reading them today. So sad.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Anyone in a similar situation please please call woman's aid

[Springheeled]

All these abusers and all victims must follow this same script. :(

[mammadiggingdeep]

Yes, that's for sure. As I was reading it today I actually thought 'I've read very similar stuff on MN'.

[NoIamAngelaHernandez]

I was the same. I thought " this script sounds so familiar".

It was the first piece of evidence that I felt was truly incriminating, in terms of the relationship seeming like an abusive one.

[mammadiggingdeep]

:(

[something2say]

Me too. Fear, jealousy, control, discrepancies in the story. The texts were the final nail. And he randomly can't remember the pin code to his phone eh? And it's gone to Apple in the US to be unlocked. And what will it reveal I wonder?

[ZuluinJozi]

I wonder how many others can see their own relationships in Oscar and Reeva's even as much they gasp in amazement

[MamaMary]

Just read the BBC report on this. Quite a damning day for Pistorius. Though no doubt the defence will find undermine the significance of these texts, as 90% of them were said to be 'loving'.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-26711618

[Springheeled]

I'm sure they were. Bet he called her angel, goddess, princess... All those unreal words that I for one hope to never be called again!

[Twinklestein]

Agreed. You can see what he's like from those texts - insecure, jealous, controlling.

Women in abusive relationships often say their partner's ok 90% of the time. It's how bad the 10% is that matters sadly.

[meditrina]

When did they start going out together?

The texts in the evidence were all in he run up to Valentines Day and I was just wondering if there was any reason (perhaps techie?) to cover that period, if they are sticking close to the date of the shooting, or if it was a short relationship.

[RhondaJean]

Wikipedia says they were dating since November 2012 so yes a very short time.

[ApplesinmyPocket]

Such pathos in the way she's trying so desperately to appease him. He sounds extremely unpleasant. Poor lass.

[Twinklestein]

I think they'd been together 3 months? And they'd had lots of arguments according to her mum.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Her poor mum :( she's said she forgives him. I know I wouldn't if it was my daughter. Such a terrible waste of her young life.

[Springheeled]

Her poor mum, yes. I don't think I could forgive but maybe I could.
I like to hope that my dd will never meet a controlling and abusive man and that if she did, I'd be able to help her- it's funny that everyone seems to recognise that the messages show OP to be abusive, but when I was in an abusive rel I just didn't really know what was going on. I think it should be taught in schools!

[JeanSeberg]

It was very disappointing/worrying that they commented about 90% of the messages being loving as if that's going to somehow prove it was essentially a good relationship bar a few 'tiffs'.

[arthriticfingers]

That is the worst of it, Jean
In fact, not one of the texts sounds normal. They all sound entitled, aggressive and guaranteed to f* with the poor girl's head.
Why oh why can't people see abusive behaviour?
That includes all of us who were abused :(.
The Freedom Programme should be obligatory in schools.
Pistorious' texts all of them could feature as classic 'Get the fuck out! Now!' warning signs.

[AnyFucker]

If those texts had been posted on MN, Reeva would have been told to LTB,, call WA for support and rally her RL friends and family around

So many women didn't, and some of them end up contributing to the terrifying stats of 2 women a week killed by jealous and unstable male partners

[JeanSeberg]

The texts show Reeva Steenkamp loved Oscar Pistorius dearly, but she also paints a picture of a possessive and jealous boyfriend. An excerpt from one reads: "I was not flirting with anyone today, I feel sick that you suggested it."

Ms Steenkamp described their relationship as having double standards. While she would often hear of Mr Pistorius' "many relationships" he would get upset if she joked about a past lover, she said.

Mr Pistorius frequently threw tantrums, would snap at her when in a bad mood and was mistrusting of men around her, she wrote.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Agreed, AF, and I sincerely hope/believe that no-one would have been pointing out that 90% of his texts were loving.

[wannaBe]

horrified that this behaviour showed so early on into the relationship.

Wasn't one of his ex's also a prosecution witness? did she not say anything about his behaviour?

[daffodildays]

See, there is one which reads, after an argument, "Good morning, I hope you slept well, off to gym." which is taken as evidence of their resolving arguments quickly.

My STBXH would do the same, if we had a row in the evening, he would drop off to sleep no problem, then the next morning it would be like nothing happened. If you say, no, actually, I didn't sleep well, I was too churned up, what on earth was that about?, you are bringing things up again, and as you don't want to rock the boat, so you say, yes, of course I did, enjoy your day.

The texts on the BBC are, to me at least, obvious red flags for an abusive relationship. But I think, societally, there is a massive minimalisation of abuse - but seriously, in the context of this trial, the fact that 90% were (apparently) loving seems to miss the point.

[arthriticfingers]

The point is Jean that none not one single text can possible be considered 'loving' in any normal way.
Daff snap or fw bingo on all those - points and yes exactly - saying that 90% were 'loving' made my blood run cold.
How many more women are going to die?

[Springheeled]

The reports today have made me quite angry... Wtf are they trying to say- that a woman who blows a kiss at a man online or snogs in the supermarket is not in an abusive relationship? Give me a break!!!!!!!
I think a pertinent detail is that he gave the 'go ahead' for her to have coffee with a ex on feb 12th.
I remember having coffee with an ex (of 20 yrs!!) and being pleasantly surprised by exp's mild response. Five days later... BAM! Punishment.
I'm also intrigued by the idea that he was a jealous, controlling partner but not a murderer... Hmmmm, what type of man is most likely to kill his partner or ex partner...? At the rate of two a week in the uk....