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Im so utterly sick of being on my own I almost regret divorcing my abusive ex husband.

(24 Posts)
Needsmorecake Mon 24-Mar-14 18:39:46

Just that really, I have been on my own for nigh on 6 years.

My life is full, if hard. DD and i are fine.

I just dont think I ever, for a second, thought I would be on my own for so long, and , well, it makes me quite sad. Not because I need a man, but because however many friends or family i have, nothing replaces a partner.

Im exhausted by dating, im exhausted by putting myself out there, im exhausted from having to be by myself all the time.

BranchingOut Mon 24-Mar-14 18:43:19

Don't know what to say. If it helps, I have huge admiration for people who parent singly. But I am not great in my own company for long periods either.

kingbeat23 Mon 24-Mar-14 18:49:29

4 years on and I had a massive miss of my xdp last week. It's near my dds birthday. I know for sure that I never want him back but I had a weird dream where everything was ok between us and suddenly I felt extremely sad.

I called my best friend feeling all at odds with myself all day. We both came to the conclusion that it was the company I miss not him. I then looked at photos of him and all the old feelings came folding back and I no longer missed him anymore or any of the bullshit that came with him.

It's bloody hard doing it by yourself, but ultimately better for you and your dc. You are not alone in your feelings. winewinethanksthanks

HanselandGretel Mon 24-Mar-14 18:56:01

You could be me. Been on my own for five years apart from a short lived relationship. Have had loads of first second and third dates but there hasn't been anyone I'd like to keep seeing...I never imagined being on my own all this time either but to me it's better than a bad or mediocre relationship.
I go through phases of feeling really down about being on my own, spending all the landmarks without someone to share them with and having to plan everything, holidays etc, nobody to share the load with, have a laugh and chat with etc...but I do still have some optimism that there may be someone out there, I'll not resign myself just yet to eternal singledom...all I can say Needs is you are not alone, make the best life you can for yourself and then you'll be in a good position to welcome Mr Right into your life...it is very hard but don't give up.

Needsmorecake Mon 24-Mar-14 18:56:10

I dont miss him, he was the worst husband anyone could have. I just, would like someone.

I had got all over excited as i had a few dates with someone, and then i had to end it, but its just rubbish.

Im just not sure that it is better for me, just different. Its just as hard, the problems are just maybe different to that they would have been had i had stayed.

Squeegle Mon 24-Mar-14 18:56:37

I do understand. It is hard work. I get fed up of doing everything; I've been on my own for two years- in some ways it feels like more cos I used to do most if it before alcoholic ex DP moved out.

I think there is a period when you are just glad to be without them. And gradually the relief that the ex is not there fades, in my case I kind of forget the horrible bits and remember the nice bits of the relationship.

Then I try and remind myself of the awful times. It does work, but I do understand what you're saying. It would be good not to do everything myself!! What joy to have a relationship where you can share the work and .... Oh joy even have some fun together!?!?

rainbowfeet Mon 24-Mar-14 19:04:25

I do secretly feel the same although I tell everyone I'm happier alone!! (Not sure why, maybe so I don't look desperate)!wink
Coming up to 6 years single for me too.. It's a bloody long time, wonder if it's too long now.. It's not that I'm fussy but I think he'd have to be a really special guy if I'm going to give up my freedom & independence for him!

Chickens123 Mon 24-Mar-14 22:02:55

I've been alone 10 years. No friends no family. Just crap. Tired of reaching out and being kicked in the teeth every time, being the butt of everyone's humour. Tired of the way I look, my weight, my shit job, my hair, no options, no way forward. Tired of going to the theatre or shopping on my own, going running on my own. Having dinner alone, sitting alone in Starbucks. Every Xmas and birthday. Shit happens!

lemonbabe Mon 24-Mar-14 22:24:36

So sorry you feel like this - I know how it feels I'm in a similar situation, lone parent, 2 young kids - it's a lonely place to be sometimes and doing everything alone without the support or love of a partner sucks.

I have to be honest tho, when I read some of the horror stories of DP's being total arses, I feel rather smug that all that nonsense is not a part of my life.

I think there are many women here who are in the same boat, longing to find someone to share life with - its normal, we're not meant to be alone.

Sometimes it takes something radical to get things moving in a new and more positive direction. Sometimes you have to rip yourself out of your comfort zone.

I really wish I had a more concrete answer or solution - what I do know is that positive attracts positive. I have sever troughs in my optism vis a vis finding a DP but I'm holding on to all that is good and positive because whilst it's just me and the kids, that is my lot and whilst it could be a lot better, it could also be so much worse.

lemonbabe Mon 24-Mar-14 22:27:58

Oh lord, just seen all my typos, that's typing on the bloody i-pad in bad light for ya ! Hope you can make sense of my post blush

MexicanSpringtime Tue 25-Mar-14 03:08:30

Well it's no consolation, I ended up on my own forever. Sometimes when I had problems with my dd I would think if only there was someone else I could share this problem with and my cure was imagining what her father would say (something less than useless) and realised how fortunate I was.
I don't want to minimise your problems but life is too short to worry about things you cannot change.

user1499350358 Fri 28-Jul-17 21:47:16

I have been on my own for as long as I can remember and I am SO fed up of it. The last ten years have changed me totally, bullied at work, broken ankle, unemployment x 2 yrs, debt, personal stuff etc I could go on. I am so lost and like many on here have no motivation to do anything. Its not that I've tried I have I just can't get motivated at all. I start and half way through I stop. I am so fed up, and so lonely.

myteadontlie Fri 28-Jul-17 22:26:06

Another one here. 5 years. I could have written your post myself. My DD is my only family here, everybody else do not live in the UK.
I am a sociable person, used to be and in a way still am so full of life... never pictured THIS life for myself.
It all goes in phases, doesn't it? It's great that some people can feel truly happy sitting in cafes on their own, falling asleep on their own, spending holidays on their own etc... I haven't mastered that art yetsad

user1499350358 Sun 30-Jul-17 10:26:42

I haven't mastered the art either, not sure I ever will. I feel for you but I to be honest I don't know what to sy or suggest, because I feel the EXACT way. Its so hard, never did I think this would be my life. I hope things improve for you and also for me, SOON. :-)

user1490465531 Sun 30-Jul-17 10:41:16

Been on my own years the only thing that annoys me is how being single your financially worse of.
If I was single with no money worries I'd be fine.
When I look at the quality of men out there....well I'm not to disappointed TBH.

ChickenBhuna Sun 30-Jul-17 10:46:53

I do understand how you feel OP , but if you are not content with being single then you run the risk of allowing the wrong person into your life.

I know you've probably heard this a million times before but to focus on you is absolutely what you right now.

numbmum83 Sun 30-Jul-17 10:52:45

I'm another one long term single and altho I tell everyone I'm happy as I am and I don't need a man , nothing could be further from the truth . I am lonely . I've been on dating sites for years and I've become so picky . The standard of men is going downhill. It seems all the nice men are taken . I'm bored of doing everything on my own

I never went anywhere on my own in my last Relationship , we used to argue regularly coz I hated even going to the shop alone but now I go on holidays , to the cinema , I'm going to Scotland this week on the train on my own for a wedding .

I just miss having male company , someone to cuddle upto after a rubbish day . Men are obsessed with sex these days and it's just a big turn off . I can't see me finding anyone soon but there's hope.

Potplant Sun 30-Jul-17 10:56:45

Not the same but similar boat. Separated for 3 years, he was awful I was so miserable and unhappy. I miss having someone to come home and talk about something that happened at work. (Not that he was ever interested). I miss having someone to go on holiday with even though it was usually fraught when he didn't get his own way. I'm sick of having to do everything myself even though he didn't do much when he was here.
But then an hour in his company when we're watching DCs play football and I remember how awful it was.
I don't even know how I would go about dating. I only get one night a week off and even that's subject to last minute cancellation. And by the time the DCs leave home I'll be ancient.

noego Sun 30-Jul-17 11:01:46

I'm not waiting for a hero.
I saved myself long ago.
I don't need someone to complete me.
I am whole alone.
I just want, a weirdo to go on adventures with.
Someone who will dance with me, kiss me when I least expect it and make me laugh.
That's it.

See it differently!!!

noego Sun 30-Jul-17 11:04:26

I'm not waiting for a hero.
I saved myself long ago.
I don't need someone to complete me.
I am whole alone.
I just want, a weirdo to go on adventures with.
Someone who will dance with me, kiss me when I least expect it and make me laugh.
That's it.

See it differently!!!

user1499350358 Sun 30-Jul-17 11:07:51

I'm not great at explaining things but the lovely lady whose off to Scotland for a wedding sums it up for me. I feel comforted, if that's possible, I used to think I was the only one who felt like this and even though the pain doesn't go away its comforting that someone out there knows how you feel. I always get from family/friends 'chin up things could be worse etc' but as the years progress hope turns to despair. I don't see me finding anyone anytime soon either, and most times I feel so broken by the experiences I've been through I just don't know whats to become of me, its true also being on your own you are so worse off be it money etc. I have therapy weekly and have now been prescribed serotonin! Imagine me ...

MozzchopsThirty Sun 30-Jul-17 11:13:04

Do you all have friends?

I wasn't allowed friends when I was married, since my divorce I've made some amazing friends, some married, some not. People I can rely on for different things and people to laugh & have fun with
I take the dcs on holiday on my own and love it.
I'll also happily holiday without them and go alone.

I'm sorry you feel this way, where r u in the UK?
I do think you have to enjoy your own company before you can invite someone to share your life with

user1496589862 Sun 30-Jul-17 11:15:47

Im not a princess, I dont need saving. Im a queen, Iv got this shit sorted!.......is my favourite quote smile
Snap! 7 Longggggggg WHOLE years.
Single is something that is just normal to me nowadays but I would love to meet someone as I do feel lonely sometimes and feel I will become more lonely as my dd's are all grown and flown the nest

Lweji Sun 30-Jul-17 11:30:59

Single 6 years too. smile

Maybe it's the dating that's wearing you down. It can be emotionally draining, like being stuck in traffic with the constant start and stopping.

Have you stopped dating for a significant period of time? How would you feel to put it on hold for, say, at least a year?

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