Went NC with friend, now she is asking to meet up?

[Mrswellyboot]

Advice please

One of my longest known friends and I met regularly but I didn't really enjoy meeting up with her. However, she has her good points. Bad points are moaning (excessively) I don't mind a little, ringing constantly to meet up (like on a Sunday morning to meet later in the day- Sunday is my muk day at home), old fashioned chat (very nosey and then mixes up what I have said and repeats it back constantly 'you said this the last time'

I get a bit embarrassed around her asking me if I've ever had thrush in front of her husband, telling mine I used to be obsessed with weight watchers ( we had only started dating)

Anyway I could put up with all these things.

When I have birth I wanted a few days to myself, bleeding nipples, emcs recovery. She rang while still in hospital and dh asked her to postpone coming in. She then rang my mother saying my dh wasn't letting me have visitors (my mum basks in scandal and gossip too).

She sent wierd texts how 'we are all sore', then tried calling to the house with dh and two kids, I said no problem. She said between 8 & 9 pm. I asked her could they come during the day at the weekend that I was cluster feeding. New baby, just home and she started shouting. Then contacting my mother, ringing her and talking about what was wrong with me.

I feel so guilty but I asked her to leave me have my space. I haven't returned calls. She knows I thought she was nasty and started crying and crying.

Couple on months have passed. She rang and text today to meet up again.

What do I do ? Ps. I don't have that many friends but am I better with none or do I make up with aghhh

[Nomama]

Ignore her. And tell your mum that she had better not even dare to answer any questions.

Then come back here, cos you know your mum will and friend will keep trying and you really don't need this crap and if you could just tell her to F off and your mum would stop loving a bit of a drama...

But really, just ignore. That sounds like far too much hard work!

[cozietoesie]

You're better off without her. Ignore.

[Mrswellyboot]

Thank You, I think I will have to ignore but I hate all this, if she wa a bit nicer it wouldn't have got to this.

[MrsKermittSmith]

She will try to justify her behavior by saying she was worried about you etc. Before you know it she will have you believing it!

If ignoring doesnt work you could try having two or three stock phrases you dish out.

"I'm too busy" etc

[chattychattyboomba]

Tell her you don't really feel like meeting up with her given how she has treated you, which caused you a lot of unnecessary anxiety when she should have been supporting you by respecting what you needed at that time, and don't really know what to expect since she hasn't said sorry or anything. She might say 'well I am sorry' and you can clear the air, or she might flip out again... In which case, no love lost.

[Mrswellyboot]

Kermitt you are spot on. She tried to make out I was Ill the time I met her, this is while she was crying. I was very lucky that I wasn't ill and I was grateful for that.

I am going to have to bump into her at some stage and she works in a similar field to me and I might meet her now and then (but not one to one) so I think I might use your phrase chatty than she caused a nusiance when I didn't need it.

I know if I meet her she will start crying, telling me I'm like a sister. Then five mins later some stupid comment like 'oh secondary infertility so on th rise etc etc'

[cozietoesie]

i think you've got it. She'll be nice - penitent even - for five minutes and then she'll likely revert to type and start baiting you again. Did she have other friends when you were buddies or were you her only/main target?

[Mrswellyboot]

She speaks her mind to everyone. I know the in laws live next door and she doesn't speak to them. She said they mock her (I don't agree with that and was always nice to her)

You see, she doesn't think before she speaks and is very outspoken anyway. Like out of a time warp - stuff you could imagine your great grandmother would say about sex, diversity and the like. It is cringeworthy but that's not why I am avoiding her. It's the bosy behaviour and lack of thinking.

[winkywinkola]

She's a bully. Keep away. She's not changed.

[lunar1]

Don't reply!

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

She has used you up; let her use someone else now same for your mother.

[MexicanSpringtime]

Yeap, we all have our defects, that is what makes us human, but she sounds like she has too many and too serious defects. If you don't have lots of friends all the more reason not to waste good time on her, when you could be meeting new people who will be a positive contribution to your life

[Hissy]

At the risk of offending poor innocent breakfast cereal, she's a fecking fruit loop!

She harangued you, and your family to get her own way when you were a brand new parent. She feeds your DM a shed load full of drama, which is really unnecessary and refuses to respect any common, decent social norm in the pursuit of satisfying her own ego.

Bugger that for a game of soldiers!

Don't return the calls, ignore the texts and don't engage.

[Mrswellyboot]

Thank You all for taking the time to reply. You made me laugh hissy.I feel a lot better for having not responded. I can't go back to her early Sunday morning texts to meet and non stop ringing.

That's it exactly- getting my mother involved to get her own way! She even had my father asking me to meet up. They think she's a lovely girl. However her mouth is a danger zone. When I broke up with long term ex, she rang him (got his number from a local paper- he was a sales man) and didn't tell me for ages. She reckons my father could be having an affair because he works away. That my brother failed Uni (he didn't - she keeps on about it), I could go on and on. If she meets someone in asda without their children that we know she will ring and say 'Joan (made up name) had neither chick nor child with her, what a disgrace

Sorry for big rant!

She's not all bad though - gifts etc wise but then she doesn't let you forget it

[cozietoesie]

As Hissy said - she's a fruit loop! Stay strong and stay away from her.

[Rebeccalikesgin]

She sounds like a total fruitcake with a real nasty side! If I were you I would ignore her, join some mum and baby groups and get some lovely new friends. No one needs people like that in their lives, what a drain! Oh and tell your mother not to talk about you to her (although sounds like you may have to put up with that for a while until she gets bored!)
Good luck!

[Hissy]

"She's not all bad though"

i beg to differ. Gifts are often the currency of people like this. ignore, ignore and ignore some more.

I think you ought to completely blank her, and if your parents get involved tell them that and that if THEY want her as a friend, they are welcome to her, but YOU do not.

Another one of my favourite sayings:
Shs's Dagenham Mad (that's 3 stops PAST Barking)

Does your dad know what she says about him? Why did your Ex not tell her to FTFO?

[Nomama]

Dagenham Mad! I haven't heard in a donkey's age

[Ivehearditallnow]

I've keep it really simple and just say that you want a bit of peace and quiet, and that you'd been surprised that she had involved your mother in your JOINT decision to want some privacy at the hospital.

She sounds like she needs to get a life. You'll soon make new/not nutty friends once she is out of the way.

Congratulations on your new arrival by the way!

[Ivehearditallnow]

*i'd

[Mrswellyboot]

Oh my god. I got home today and despite ignoring about four calls this week, a text to meet - a note has come through the door today while I was out.

My plan to ignore is not going to work. She is now causing me more annoyance.

My parents would hit the roof if they heard the types of things she says so I haven't told them. She doesn't ring my mother anymore as I told her not to. I can't believe she sent a message through the door today! It's six months since I had my baby and this has all started this past few weeks.

[IHaveSeenMyHat]

Keep ignoring. She sounds poisonous - personality disorder territory.

[Ivehearditallnow]

Can't you just tell her (call her, email or text if you'd rather not talk to her) and say you feel you've grown apart or that you need some space?

Don't see how ignoring her will help if she's already intense as a person and doesn't (seem to) realise you don't want to see her?!

Might be a bit more honest and clear.

[rollonthesummer]

Good-let your parents hit the roof. The only way you're free from her is if you and they don't engage with her. She's just going to phone your mum every time you upset her and they'll get involved because they think you're being weird about it.

[Mrswellyboot]

Hello Hearditall, I already told her to give me space but I think you are right that I need to be clearer. I think she thinks I have pnd and that's why I haven't called her. That's what she has said to my mother