Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Really want to leave but dont know how

(8 Posts)
scarlettalexandra Mon 24-Mar-14 15:13:11

i am married to a nasty abusive man., if i listed all the things he has done to me, others dc, i would hear LTB from the rooftops.

the main thing is i want to leave but he has said on many occasions i would be penniless as he earns all the money pays the bills etc. the only thing i have is my child benefit, which just goes into the massive debt hole i have been left with just paying for essentials.

i feel aggrieved to leave everything i have worked towards but im just trudging through everyday.

i cant afford legal help and don't know where to start etc.

i have thought for a long time if i had won the lottery id be out of there.

has anyone got any advice feeling so trapped right now.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 24-Mar-14 15:18:30

Call Womens Aid on 0808 2000 247; they can and will help you here plan your exit from this abusive marriage.

scarlettalexandra Mon 24-Mar-14 15:22:17

i will but its a big step. i feel like i have a massive knot in my tummy

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 24-Mar-14 15:25:36

Feel the fear and do it anyway. The first step out is often the hardest one to make but make it you must.

bella1968 Mon 24-Mar-14 15:28:34

hi scarlettalexandra, it is a big step but once you start investigating how you can do it and what help you can get it will be a step in the right direction. I'm in the same mess as you and it weighs heavy on you making you ill, sometimes you just can't go on you feel so heavy with the weight of being the one to make the decision. However, ask yourself this...... can you see a happy future with him? if he's threatening you then things will just go from bad to worse and you need to consider your happiness. I say knowledge is power and as soon as you've contacted Womens Aid and found out about your legal rights and also benefits you might be entitled to then you will have something to think about and you will be armed with the right information. Dependent upon where you are living there may be some local authority support worker you can be assigned to that will help support you and put you in touch with counselling. Do you have children also?

Good luck and keep going

scarlettalexandra Mon 24-Mar-14 15:32:07

two small children who adore their dad that's part of the problem. its sounds bad i wish sometimes he would get ill and die then i wouldn't have to deal with me being the bad guy leaving. id get things for me and id be truly free

im such a horrid person thinking this

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Mar-14 16:30:14

You're not horrid or a bad guy, just desperate and scared because you feel trapped by his misinformation and abuse. Do call Womens Aid 0808 2000 247. Not because you are in danger and need refuge necessarily but because you need to have someone listen to you and point you in the right direction. There are solicitors who specialise in Domestic Abuse cases and who will give you excellent advice on how to achieve what you want. They may offer an initial consultation free of charge and/or defer their fee until the financial settlement has been reached.

Takes courage to acknowledge there's no future in it. Takes even more courage to think about leaving or make plans to leave. Many people in your situation don't leave straight away or first time around... they often have a few false starts when their doubts get the better of them. So tell yourself you're just getting information for now. Take it one step at a time.

Good luck... have faith in yourself.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 24-Mar-14 16:33:50

No you are not a horrid person.
Stop listening to his voice in your head.
Call Womens aid when you can.
You have been abused in a few ways I would guess.
Emotionally, financially, verbally and maybe physically?
This means you should be entitled to legal aid.
You need to contact CAB and you will be entitled to lots more benefits than you think.
And CSA to ensure you get maintenance payments from him.
If you are already in debt then I am sure you will find yourself much better off without this vile man in your life.
Get that ball rolling.
Make that call. It will be the making of you and your new wonderful, free life!!!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now