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No relationship after baby.

(2 Posts)
Fixwhatsbroken Mon 24-Mar-14 09:16:42

I feel terrible writing this so have NC.

My DS is 3 months old now, after I had a very unpleasant high stress pregnancy. My partner and I have had sex twice since I found out I was pregnant, mainly due to severe Hyperemesis. Even now I have NO sex drive and feel like my relationship is doomed.

My DP is a doting dad and does make the effort to do things round the house, however, I feel like I am living with a flat mate now.

Firstly I have all of the expected new baby tiredness but I also have tendinitis in my wrists and since pregnancy have had very sensitive skin so always seen to have some sort of rash/itchy skin. Because of this I generally just feel completely unattractive and grumpy but feel like DP takes it as an excuse rather than general reasons I don't feel 'sexy'.

DP is very flattering but I also feel he bombards me with innuendo and crude comments constantly even though he knows it will not lead to sex and I find myself constantly feeling disgusted and annoyed, which ive told him but he doesnt stop. I feel like the only times he actually speaks to me now is to make a joke or thinly veiled compliment to bring the point home that he is horny.( I used to have a sense if humour for his occasional cheek comment but nowit feels like it is the bulk of our communication) Every time it makes me feel guilty and it makes me nervous to hug or kiss him as I feel any interation like this is a green light as there seems to be no middle ground of us just getting back to enjoying each other's company and having a sex life as a result of that. If anything his remarks are pushing me away and are reducing how attracted to DP I previously was.

We spend most evenings on our phones, him playing games, me usually on MN if the baby is asleep (playing with him if he isn't). If I try and make conversation it doesn't really go anywhere past pleasantries and if I try and get into a subject deeper he looks sympathetic and nods etc but doesn't realy engage. He is ALWAYS staring at his game but I feel partly responsible for this as it is me who has spurned all of his advances and has become far less intimate.

I just feel lost, unattractive and unfair. I want to have a sex drive but I just can't seem to fix that. I feel I've lost everything, the friendship I had with DP along with any intimacy. I don't know how get back on track which I want to do desperately both for me and my DS.

I miss so much what we had.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 24-Mar-14 09:22:31

Sounds like someone (preferably both of you) needs to take the initiative to switch off the machines and set the scene for a conversation. Speaking personally, I find that 'nostalgia' is a good place to start reconnecting. Remembering when you first got together, what you both liked about each other, thinking about the good old days etc. Call a big 'time-out' on the innuendo and just talk like friends.

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