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Think I'm losing interest in my fiancé

(61 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Dereklovesdougie Mon 24-Mar-14 07:59:03

Dp and I met when he was going through a host of issues and a crap set of circumstances. As a result, despite me falling head over heels with him, unknowingly to me he was simply pissing me about. Was still on dating sites and sex hook up sites 7 months after we'd agreed to go exclusive and after I had introduced him to my children etc. I was mortified and so cut up about it and I'm all honesty, despite us staying together I don't think I ever really felt the same about him after that.

That's the background anyway, more recently, he proposed to me on valentines day but only because I was getting at him about his lack of commitment. We're supposed to be getting married next year and he has shown very little interest in the wedding plans ( but that's men apparently?) . We argue all the time because we both have different ways about us. I see an issue and like to talk about it or I look forward to an upcoming event and like to talk about it. He doesn't and this has lead to a number of subjects becoming "dodgy ground" meaning if I mention them, I run the risk of a massive argument. Some of these subjects are important, money for example. We can't discuss money as it just ends in a massive shit short. He loses his temper so easily and takes everything I say so personally that it becomes impossible to have a rational discussion with him.

There's other stuff. He has two teenage boys who come every Saturday and they do not talk. In the years I've known dp I've honestly never heard the boys address each other. It's an awkward atmosphere and leaves me feeling extremely uncomfortable in my own house. Before I met dp I used to have every other Saturday night child free - now we never get a weekend child free and not only that but he refuses to go for a night out whilst his kids are here (although is fine with leaving my kids home alone at 13 and 15. This means we never go out on a weekend.

He moans all the time, either about feeling ill, my son's behaviour, housework ... There is always something.

Yesterday I'd been on a 13 hour shift and a bad one at that. I came home and he'd made me a lovely casserole :-) he then proceeds to tell me that his mum has been clearing her garage out ready to move and so all the photos that she had in her small bedroom are now in our garage. This includes all his previous wedding photos. Nice. Remind me never to go in my own garage. Oh and he then starts going on and on about my son's behaviour as he'd been cheeky. Great to come home to after 13 hours of stoma disasters, dying patients and stressed out sniping staff.

I feel like I'm getting less and less interested in him. I get excited at the thought of buying my own little house and doing as I please with it. Having my own money and just being able to chill out. tHis is the first time I've felt like this not on the back of a argument.

DangerRabbit Wed 26-Mar-14 09:00:54

Why do you want to marry him?

LiberalLibertine Wed 26-Mar-14 08:50:01

Maybe so people don't say....what's the point in asking again op? Your dp is a twat, how many ways can we say it?...

Hq note does make more sense in that case.

TypicaLibra Tue 25-Mar-14 21:49:20

Not sure who Boxy is or was, but this OP posts every few weeks about her twattish DP who lives with her and her teenage DSs and his sons visit most weekends. This is just one of them that I can recall, but there've been lots on lots in a similar vein. Not sure why she name-changes all the time, very bizarre.

wyrdyBird Tue 25-Mar-14 16:51:32

Well... if an OP is genuine, but name changes a lot, posters may find they're offering advice/support they've already given, to what they think is a new thread poster, but isn't.

It's a grey area, if so. I think it's fair to offer a gentle reminder. Though def not a sleep losing issue...

AnyFucker Tue 25-Mar-14 13:39:19

That's a given, Joy. HQ don't usually put a notation like that on a thread though unless there have been lots of reports (suggesting a repeated nc'er coming back to post the same thing over and over a la Boxy), a previously banned poster or one who is attracting a lot of emotional, real life and/or financial support. Strange. (shan't lose sleep over it though...)

Joysmum Tue 25-Mar-14 13:35:28

My attitude is, genuine or not, this thread will no doubt be helping numerous other lurkers feeling similarly.

As with any thread, don't share anything you're not happy to, then no harm done whether genuine or not wink

GiniCooper Tue 25-Mar-14 13:29:15


EirikurNoromaour Tue 25-Mar-14 13:25:48

Huh? Is this a troll or not?

tribpot Tue 25-Mar-14 13:06:26

Yes, seems odd. I don't think anyone is overly emotionally investing in the thread (e.g. it's not an abuse thread where people could be disclosing stuff they might later regret) so the warning seems odd. It's either legit or it isn't.

AnyFucker Tue 25-Mar-14 12:41:08

Why haven't HQ deleted the thread then confused

AndTheBandPlayedOn Tue 25-Mar-14 12:36:48

Boxy, Jannie, Novice (but not a virgin)...
Hmmm...Perhaps, but the antagonistic angst answering every point style seems to be slipping a bit.
What the heck, here goes:
OP, skip the divorce. To do that, do not get married. No other explanation/justification is needed.

LiberalLibertine Tue 25-Mar-14 11:42:23

What does that mean hq? Either they are dodgy, and you know they are, or?...I don't get it.

AnyFucker Tue 25-Mar-14 11:32:36

Ah, it's Boxy isn't it ?

AnyFucker Mon 24-Mar-14 23:21:07

eh ? wassup with this one ?

YetAnotherHelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 24-Mar-14 22:36:00

Evening all,
just to remind everyone <ahem> that we don't know who people are on the internet and whatnot, and it might be best not to invest too heavily in some.

onlyjoking Mon 24-Mar-14 22:19:59

LTB, get a dog,they will give you less shit than this loser.

Hissy Mon 24-Mar-14 22:19:57

Sorry love, but Wtf are you doing with this idiot?

And his kids not speaking to one another?

What kind of environment is this for your ds?

Break it all off, get his dm's stuff out of your garage (flaming cheek tbh) and spend some time enjoying the peace and quiet of not having these people in your lives.

TypicaLibra Mon 24-Mar-14 22:04:54

OP, get rid, as we've been telling you for months - he really is vile. Holidays, sofas, his treatment of your dcs, prioritising his own dcs over yours, his disrespect and sheer contempt of you ... PLEASE find the strength to leave. Get your lovely little house and your dog! Your dcs will thank you.

Melonbreath Mon 24-Mar-14 18:58:17

Better a failed relationship than a failed marriage.
Better a happy life doing what you want than living in misery, resentment and regrets.

get the dog.

msrisotto Mon 24-Mar-14 17:21:29

run free!

You're not being silly about the dog thing by the way. My only condition for moving in with my now DH was that I would be having a cat. No question.

Your life is yours, don't let someone else tell you what you can and can't do, can and can't have.

TollgateDebs Mon 24-Mar-14 17:19:59

It is not going to get better, just messier. Dump him sounds great advice to me.

LastOneDancing Mon 24-Mar-14 17:17:13

You don't want to get married.
He doesn't want to get married.
Please don't get married.

Have a hard think about how much more time you want to waste being miserable and walking on eggshells.

Something needs to change in your relationship whether you stay or go. Good luck.

SawofftheOW Mon 24-Mar-14 17:13:02

OP, please, please don't do it. Please decide now that you will start looking for that little house to build a haven of peace, happiness and security, with no bullying, entitled fuck-wit anywhere near it. Please do this for you and your children. Who the hell do these men think they are, that they can spread such misery in other peoples' lives. What a waste of your emotion, love and focus he is. From now on concentrate on you, your DC's and that doggie. Go do it - we get one life. Don't squander it on this miserable excuse of a human being.

wyrdyBird Mon 24-Mar-14 16:56:34

This guy and his wedding photos seems horribly familiar. A lot of this is familiar.

So I don't think you'll listen, but please OP, Do Not Marry This Man.

You're worth better. This isn't the first time I've said this, and I will keep saying it. You're worth better!

plantsitter Mon 24-Mar-14 16:35:57

Yeah, what she ^ said!

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