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I don't want to have sex

(7 Posts)
FunnyNotClever Sun 23-Mar-14 20:02:43

I just don't want to. I haven't slept terribly well for the past year or so. Having a 7mo obviously doesn't help that, and I didn't sleep that well when I was pregnant.

DH would quite like to have sex once a week, but I can't even bring myself to enjoy that. I just keep thinking that I could be sleeping instead. It doesn't help that he comes to bed at 10 or 11pm and would like to have sex then. Or if one of the children is awake at 3am, once they're resettled he's up for it.

He's, understandably, getting a bit frustrated at my lack of interest. It's not that I don't fancy him. I'm just so tired. He's pretty tolerant, but it's been a while and I get why he's beginning to be bothered by it. I'm beginning to be bothered by it!

Is there anything I can do to improve this situation?

I'm a regular, by the way, but have NCed for this as I don't really want it associated with my other posts.

CailinDana Sun 23-Mar-14 20:13:38

Is there anything he can do to improve the situation? After all he's the one who wants things to change.

CandyKate Sun 23-Mar-14 20:16:25

I felt like this after both DDs. Sleep deprivation and exhaustion will remove your libido! Also hormones are all over the place, especially if you're breastfeeding.

Can he give you a break at weekends to recharge and catch up on sleep? Or can you explain what you did in your post ie you still fancy him you're just too exhausted to feel like sex. I think it's pretty normal.

Dahlen Sun 23-Mar-14 20:20:41

Hierarchy of needs. Until your body is getting the basics right - adequate nutrition, exercise and recuperation (which requires wakeful rest as well as sleep), sex is off the agenda. No amount of wishful thinking on your part or frustration on his will change that. In fact, all that will happen is that resentment will grow on either part as he feels forced into the role of sex pest and you feel like a resentful hunk of meat.

You need to create an environment in which your libido has the chance to emerge again and grow. The best thing your DH can do to encourage that is find ways to give you time to yourself to get adequate rest and time together to have no-pressure fun.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 23-Mar-14 20:36:50

What Dahlen said. Being tired puts most people off sex - and if your H is getting enough sleep to want sex, he's probably getting more than his fair share of the available sleep time in the marriage.

FunnyNotClever Sun 23-Mar-14 20:58:21

Thank you. I don't think he's getting much more sleep than me. He can't BF the baby in the night though, even if he wanted to. I think he needs less sleep than I do generally.

In fact, all that will happen is that resentment will grow on either part as he feels forced into the role of sex pest and you feel like a resentful hunk of meat.
This is totally, utterly true. I need to talk to him about this properly as he's likely not feeling very happy about the situation either. We're not that good at talking about sex.

BananaPie Sun 23-Mar-14 21:27:32

How about trying at a different time of day - just after your dc have gone to bed for example? Means you'll have the rest of the evening left afterwards and will be able to go to bed (and go to sleep!) at a time that suits you without worrying.

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