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To be a little upset by this.

(16 Posts)
cleoowen Sun 23-Mar-14 17:09:32

Just seen my two neighbours return home together after being out. These girls are the same as me and have children the same age.

I saw them both coming out their houses earlier as I did and gave a cheery hello. One seemed to be waiting for the other but it didn't seem like they wanted me to see.

It's not like they've known each other for years, one neighbour only moved in a few months before is but they seem to have made good friends whereas I am still only on hello terms with one of them. I know they see each other regularly with their children anyway and have always told myself this is because it's a day I am at work and going out together with children is just because you have that in common. But it seems to have moved to a new level , going out with no children.

I ve exchanged a few text messages with one of them and I've been round her house a few times with kids. She's mostly initiates messages but it's difficult to arrange a time as I seem to work when she's off and visa versa and she often makes loose plans to meet up but doesn't follow through.

The other has been round a few times with kids but has never invited me to hers.

They obviously make an effort with each other though and folkie through on plans. I feel these friendship situations seem to happen to me all the time and since I was a child. People seem to take to others so much better than they do to me. I ve been told I come across as unapproachable but have been making an effort with these girls . My husband says it's just dynamics, people get on better with others sometimes and they have much more opportunity to see each other.

I assume they don't like me, which now makes it hard living next door to them. I feel I would be invited too and they make an effort to return invites and follow through plans with each other so they must not like me much or feel they want to be anymore than on hello terms with me.

Feel rubbish now.

Lweji Sun 23-Mar-14 17:12:27

I wouldn't take it to heart. Are they SAHMs?

They probably got more intimate as they were able to meet more regularly, or are more similar to each other than to you.
Nobody has to be friends with anyone.
So, I'd stop making an effort but continue to be polite to them.

Lweji Sun 23-Mar-14 17:13:27

(also, regarding the title, this is not AIBU wink )

Ragwort Sun 23-Mar-14 17:17:32

Sorry to sound harsh but it is impossible to get on with everyone; perhaps these two have a specific hobby in common/love the same tv show/like the same celebrities/political party/have the same work patterns/whatever.

Focus on a new hobby or something to do rather than thinking about 'making friends' - that way you will at least be doing something you enjoy and you may or may not meet new friends. Even if you don't intend to, it sometimes can come across that people are 'needy' in wanting friendships. I have someone like this in my life at the moment. she is perfectly pleasant but I just don't feel I 'click' with her as a friend but she is constantly texting me and asking me to meet for coffee and now her DH has approached me asking me to keep in touch with her whilst he is away for a couple of weeks shock - not that I am saying you are like this in any way.

cleoowen Sun 23-Mar-14 17:48:28

Thanks to replies. Yes, guess they do feel they get on better. Don't feel like I ve had a chance to 'click' with them as don't see them much.

One texted the other day about meeting up and unfortunately couldn't get date could meet up. Surely if she didn't like me she wouldn't bother? But then she doesn't follow through so maybe she doesn't.

Ones a sahm and the other works two days. I only work three but seems to be opposite days to her so can only meet one morning.

CailinDana Sun 23-Mar-14 17:49:14

Do you like yourself?

GertTheFlirt Sun 23-Mar-14 17:50:32

Wait till the weather warms up and have BBQ - or Easter hols and find a cheap day out at a local attraction.

cleoowen Sun 23-Mar-14 18:31:11

Caitlin Dara, funny you should say that. I know what you're getting at . Generally I do but from past experiences I know my faults and I know I am not the easiest to get along with. I know why potentially they might not like me and endeavour to work on these things but end up slipping back into old ways. Not that I am a bitch or anything.

CailinDana Sun 23-Mar-14 19:44:47

"Generally from past experiences I know my faults and I know I'm not the easiest to get on with" - what does this mean?

Optimist1 Sun 23-Mar-14 19:52:26

To me it just sounds as though they "clicked" and the very fact that your schedules are mismatched has left you out of the equation. But it doesn't mean that they don't like you or that they don't want to get together with you when schedules permit! Gert is right - once the weather is better you'll be able to extend invitations or suggest outings. Don't lose sleep about it - there's no limit to the number of friends they can have!

cleoowen Sun 23-Mar-14 20:20:00

Thanks optimist. I have answered text from one of them about meeting up on fri as loosely discussed so will see. Would be nice to get to know them more but guess one of them has decided she doesn't click with me . Feel like I don't click much with people in general though.

Caitlin Dana- I mean I have been told I can be annoying and I am very black and white . I think I speak my mind too much or say things without thinking which may offend people without meaning to. I wear my heart on my sleeve too much.

Cringechilli Sun 23-Mar-14 20:23:19

I'd be happy in your position. You don't want to be too chummy with your neighbours otherwise when you fall out, you still have to live next to them. I am on hello terms with my neighbours and would absolutely not take it any further. Find friends elsewhere IMO.

SavoyCabbage Sun 23-Mar-14 20:26:33

It's far more likely that you are just 'out of the loop' because you are at work and they are not than they don't like you and are trying to do things without you.

Keep up to date with the texting and maybe suggest something you can all do with the children. Go on the Internet and find something for the holidays and suggest it.

CailinDana Sun 23-Mar-14 20:26:39

Wow those criticisms are harsh. Do you agree with them?

Lweji Sun 23-Mar-14 20:27:43

You need to become friends with less sensitive people.

cleoowen Sun 23-Mar-14 20:41:23

No, they are my views of myself. I am quite self critical. Ok will keep it casual and see what happens. No reply from text not surprisingly.

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