I have an ugly fanjo (tmi)

[WobblyHalo]

Really. DH is working away and I thought I'd send him some sexy pics.
Problem is... when I get to down below, it's just plain ugly. The skin is darker and I have very big, ugly, flappy lips.

No wonder our sex life is almost non-existent.

Tell me I'm not the only one please? [Sad]

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

You don't need to worry, have you seen testicles?

Genitals are, at best, a bit odd looking. As long as they are functional that's all that matters.

The sexiest thing you can have it confidence.

There is a wall of vaginas done by an artist called Jamie something from Brighton. Google it, it might help you to see just how much variety there is

[PacificDogwood]

Your most important sexual organ is not between your legs, but between your ears.
Your sex life or lack of it has nothing to go with whatever shape/colour/size your fanjo is. Nothing.

And yes, do consider what a scrotum + contents looks like….

[PacificDogwood]

to do. Sorry.

[Hedgehead]

I think I have an ugly fanjo too. Ten years ago I took a fanjo picture and it was all pink and perfect and petite. I took one the other day (out of curiosity) and it is brown and big and weird.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

If your sex life is rubbish it's really not because of the aesthetics of your genitalia. Are you feeling rejected?

[Wurstwitch]

If you are with a guy who isn't having sex with you because of the way your fanjo looks, then you have way bigger problems than genital aesthetics.

And so does he.

But if you have both fallen into the trap of judging real life from porn images, then you're destined to be unhappy in the relationship department anyway.

Put the camera away and concentrate on something mildly more important. Like, the dishes, or the laundry, or something.

And for goodness sake don't start spouting this claptrap about the perfect undercarriage to any children (male or female) you may inadvertently have managed to squeeze out of it, because you'll be giving them a ridiculous complex and themselves or their future partners and you'll be damaging their relationships permanently as well.

[Wurstwitch]

Aesthetics isn't really something that applies to genitalia.

[Lweji]

And it may be ugly to you...

[WobblyHalo]

Thanks hedgehead, that's exactly how I feel. And thanks to everyone else.

Yes I do feel rejected. He's such a lovely bloke but the spark (or interest) just isn't there.

When I fell pregnant with ds2, we didn't have sex for 2 years! I almost left him then.

We had a heart to heart and it got better for a little while but now it's back to nothing.

He came home for the weekend after being away for two weeks and.... nothing. Didn't even try...

[WobblyHalo]

Wow! Wurstwitch. Thanks.

[Lweji]

Does he say why he's not into sex?
Or is it sex with you?
Is he getting it elsewhere?

[WobblyHalo]

We've been through this a couple of times. I think he gets stressed or busy and is maybe not as into it as I am.
I have thought of other women. But I don't think that's it.

It's weird, because if it is other women, then it will almost be a relief for me. Iyswim?

Then I'd know what the problem is and can deal with it.

[shouldnthavesaid]

Perfectly normal to have flappy bits - not in the slightest bit ugly :)

Perfectly normal as well to have different coloured bits - and for colour and shape, and size, to change over time :)

[Wrapdress]

Definitely check out those images on the internet. I was shocked. Had no idea women's lady bits varied so much. You can't compare your bits to others or even to your younger self. This is not what is wrong with your lack of sex. You all could DTD without your partner ever even looking down there anyway.

Why is he gone so much and is he getting it elsewhere?

[ListenToTheLady]

I heard there is a country (I'm thinking Uganda or similar but don't quote me, it was in a magazine ages ago) where big and flappy labia is the desired look and so people spend ages trying to make them like that, small and neat is considered losing out in the fanjo stakes. Just goes to show how random it all is.

But yes no one's bits are going to win a beauty contest, and I don't think anyone normal would reject sex based on this. I bet this isn't the reason. There are other reasons people go off sex and you need to talk to him about it properly. But whatever happens with him, please don't think it's your fanjo that's to blame.

[WobblyHalo]

Thanks to the people that's been supportive. Yes, I'm basically comparing myself to when I was younger. And I really shouldn't. Will look up some other lady bits to see the differences.

DH has not always worked away. He's recently got a great opportunity in another town and we're just seeing if it works out before we sell up here and uproot the kids.

He really is lovely in every other way and I wouldn't want to grow old with any one else.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The problem is that you're being rejected sexually and that, despite having spoken with your husband, it isn't improving. The solution is not to send him fanny pictures... Leaving aside the non-existent sex are the pair of you physically affectionate otherwise? Do you hug, kiss, hold hands? Or does lack of spark mean that there's no contact at all?

[WitchOfEndor]

There's a reason why some people refer to sex as "bumping uglies"! I expect yours are perfectly normal and not the reason why you don't have a more frequent sex life. I don't look down there anymore, not after my last post-stitches check

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You mention growing old together. How old are you now and, if you hit the national average life-expectancy of 80-ish for women, how many sex-free years have you got stretching out ahead of you? Your confidence already sounds low.

[WobblyHalo]

listentothelady you made me laugh. I might move to Uganda and become a porn star

[WobblyHalo]

Cogito, i'm 36. Been married 13 years. Really not looking forward to many sex free years.

[EBearhug]

The Embarrassing Bodies website has a vulva gallery

If you google images for Jame McCartney Great Wall of Vagina, you'll find masses of pics of plaster casts of vulvas. (But that doesn't work with quite the same play on words as vagina/China.)

That's all to show you how varied everyone is. I think you have other problems with your husband, which are nothing to do with how you look down there.

[WobblyHalo]

In fact, I have come so close to cheating on him at times. I've always stopped myself, but I don't know how much longer I can be strong.

He knows this. Although I've never threatened him with it or held it against him ifyswim. It just came out in our heart to heart.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Time for another conversation and I suggest you make that the central theme.... 'more in sorrow than in anger'.... that you can't see there being much of a future in the relationship if all you've got to look forward to is 40 more years of chronic rejection, low self-esteem and desperately photographing bits of yourself in a vain attempt to provoke some kind of reaction...

[oohdaddypig]

OP is this really about your (normal) fanjo?. I can't fathom why you would send a picture of your genitals in the first place.

Anyway I hope you manage to get the lines of communication open with your partner (and by ways better than fanjo pics:). For a gazillion reasons I don't think you should do that.