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Found DP on two dating sites

(89 Posts)
bouquetdiva Sun 23-Mar-14 14:04:23

Well last weekend we were looking at new beds and discussing moving in together and this weekend I found him on both Speed Dater and Zoosk!

We had a few ups and downs last year, but thought we had resolved things and that we were moving forward, holidays booked etc. I feel shocked and let down. He is 44 and has never settled, so perhaps commitment issues.

That is it really, just wanted to share. I know there are a lot worse stories on here.

bouquetdiva Tue 25-Mar-14 09:34:20

Thanks Practice.

Donkey - no worries about hijacking my thread - I am sorry that it prompted what has happened to you. I even wondered if it would have been better if we had not looked??

I'm feeling absolutely sick and gutted, can't stop thinking about it and wondering who he has met and when. He has a lovely photo and will have no problem meeting people.

Like you, I expected an apology instead of this complete silence. Yes, it is a complete shock and I miss him too!

Good for you for sending the message and photo! He deserved a shock like the one he gave you.

How are you feeling now? I reckon you should start to talking to some of the guys who messaged you!

Only1scoop Tue 25-Mar-14 09:42:02

Ladies it's not the same man <idiot> is it? blush

BitOutOfPractice Tue 25-Mar-14 09:55:57

Bouquet it's such a kick in the stomach isn't it? To find out that he is not the man you thought he was. And then you start to question your own judgment and so it goes on...

He is maintaining silence because a. he's mortified at being caught b. he is trying to come up with a good story c. he's waiting for you to crack first and contact him and d. he thinks you deserve punishing

Well a. he deserves to be mortified b. no amount of bullshit will wriggle him out of this one c. do not give him the satisfaction d. you have done nothing wrong. His world view is so skewed it's untrue

Hold yout head up high. You will come through this and be fine - you just have to try and get through this painful part which sucks

LavenderGreen14 Tue 25-Mar-14 09:59:19

It is mortifying I agree - and it feels like you cannot trust any of the past you shared together either.

You are right Bit my ex was utterly mortified when I found out, there really is no justification is there.

just remember the behaviour, and dishonesty, is all about them. It is no reflection on you at all.

forumdonkey Tue 25-Mar-14 10:14:21

Thanks OP and all you lovely ladies. I know exactly how you're feeling bouquet sad

one thing I can guarantee is that I will not be contacting him. I think he's put me through enough humiliation without losing my last scrap of dignitysad
Each day will feel better - that's what I keep telling myself

BitOutOfPractice Tue 25-Mar-14 10:19:25

It will forum and then, out of the blue, one day you'll feel happy for no reason - then those momentswill become more frequent. It's hard to believe now but you will be OK. Us women are strong and magnificent creatures!

Right now just keep on keeping on. Doing thing sthat give you pleasure (that sounds rude but I hope ykwim!) and being with people that love you. And let time heal you x

I'm sounding a bit woo today aren't I? blush

bouquetdiva Tue 25-Mar-14 12:03:48

I am thinking that although this is awful now, it will be easier in the long run as otherwise, they may in time have found a "better option" and ended our relationships and we would have been left wondering why. At least we know that we are losing a dishonest person who will in all likelihood do the same again to whoever they meet.

Forum - You are doing the right thing not to contact him. It would weaken your position and no contact gives him time to reflect on what he has done.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 25-Mar-14 12:13:29

Yes bouquet - I guess it's like ripping a plaster off. The initial pain is worse but hopefully it'll be over sooner and a cleaner wound iykwim

I know how hard it is though. Even now, over a year later, I still have the urge to contact my ex not helped by the occasional text I still get from him saying he's thinking of me ffs

Granville72 Tue 25-Mar-14 13:19:05

He sounds just like an ex of mine. Small world if it happened to be the same idiotic twat

forumdonkey Sat 29-Mar-14 14:20:26

Hi bouquet I just thought I'd see how you are doing now. Saw this and thought of us

ShakespearesUglySister Sat 29-Mar-14 14:28:12

Not defending him, but I was doing a quiz a few weeks ago on FB and it signed me up to Zoosk and now I can't get rid of it

forumdonkey Sat 29-Mar-14 14:47:04

Shakespeare - I bet you haven't filled in all your dating profile in though. Bet you haven't described yourself and what you're looking for sad

ShakespearesUglySister Sat 29-Mar-14 15:07:59

Not forumdonkey, of course not. I just keep getting stupid emails!

Poffedoff Sat 29-Mar-14 15:21:56

I could have written this thread a while back girls, I can sympathise and know the awful gut wrenching disbelief after the discovery.
I found my ex on a dating site months ago and stupidly believed his bullshit excuses, took hom back and allowed him to make it up to me (which he did, very well!)
4 weeks ago I had a feeling in my gut and checked pof again, there he was in all his glory. I set up a fake profile, messaged him and had a date arranged with him within a day!
I never revealed my real identity to him, I bided my time and after a few days texted him, told him I knew he was back on pof etc.etc
I never heard one single word back from him. Nothing. After 8 months! I wouldn't be holding out for either of your guys to contact you and if they do I strongly advise against replying, ever. These guys are cowards and emotionally immature, not worth the effort of typing a reply.
So sorry though, I still feel like shit about it and mad at myself for being so well and truly duped.

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