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Is tinder for dating or sex?

(42 Posts)
Stillcomingtoterms Sun 23-Mar-14 12:10:31

I wasn't feeling brave enough for pof so put myself on tinder. However I can't work out if it's just for hook ups.
I've added to the bio I have children and not interested in one nighters just to avoid the ones who want to shag.

Maybe I should just try pof instead

ItsSpringBaby Sun 23-Mar-14 12:22:12

I have a friend on Tinder, and so far it looks like most people are on there either to chat or just for something casual to pass the time. I've never tried it though.

POF is a mixed bag. I've been on there myself in the past, met some nice guys and had enjoyable dates. BUT you have to really work hard at filtering through the twats, and a good sense of 'female intuition' is invaluable. It can be extremely draining and can really put you off of getting out there, but in time you may find a few gems among thousands of rocks! I also think these sites probably work best for women up to around 30-ish or so. Beyond that it's probably better to go down the paid dating site route if you want something long-term.

scornedwoman67 Sun 23-Mar-14 12:27:44

Another perspective from me...I'm 46 & have tried various sites. Tinder has been a bit of a revelation to me. Firstly I like the fact that you don't get messages from the cock-shot brigade ( excuse the bluntness but it happens) and you only have to message those you like the look of. Now this doesn't protect you from people who openly lie about their intentions but using intuition re their messages knocks out a good few. There are genuine people on there. .. you just have to look carefully. Good luck x

niceupthedance Sun 23-Mar-14 15:40:44

I'd say 80% on there are after a shag.

Smokinmirrors Sun 23-Mar-14 15:47:03

My exH brags about being on it.

He's only there for sex, but likes to boast about how he portrays himself as a genuine kind bloke and how his profile pic gives that impression.

He's got a lot of sex from women on it.

itwillgetbettersoon Sun 23-Mar-14 16:40:48

I've had two dates from tinder. Both nice blokes just not my type. I like tinder as it is gentle dating. You don't get abusive texts and you both have to like each other to be able to text. It is fine as another way of meeting people. There are marrieds on there but just use your common sense and don't get emotionally involved until you know them in RL.

bouncyagain Sun 23-Mar-14 16:45:53

Tinder is for whatever you want it for. For me that's a serious relationship. I think it is so much better than pof.

louby44 Sun 23-Mar-14 17:57:43

I've just had a date via Tinder. I think all the dating sites have a capacity to be a 'shag-a-thon' regardless.

You just have to have a thick skin and take it all with a pinch of salt until you meet up and see how it goes.

Stillcomingtoterms Sun 23-Mar-14 21:53:31

Well I've liked a few and they've liked me back so I've had 2 messages today.
One from someone early ish this morning but he said hi and what was I doing and then nothing more and another from someone else later today. Again he asked how was I and had I had a nice weekend but I haven't heard anything more from him either.
I don't know it's hard knowing what to say to them as they don't have anything on their bio to give you anything. Im So new at all this. It's scary

Smokinmirrors Sun 23-Mar-14 22:15:33

Tinder is for sex. Forget the namechangers

getmeoutofthismadhouse Sun 23-Mar-14 23:05:02

I have spoken to about a 20 men on tinder since I been on there and every one of the. Just wanted sex . the others havent even started a conversation theyve just wrote "c*ck" ..." want some d*ck" ... not spoken to anyone serious on there ...

Wrapdress Mon 24-Mar-14 00:43:59

I've heard it described in the media as a hook up site.

bouncyagain Mon 24-Mar-14 06:42:00

I'm not a namechanger. Hook up hasn't been my experience of tinder. If anything I thought pof was more of a hook up. I've met someone nice on it. We're seeing each other again this week.

Twinkletron Mon 24-Mar-14 07:10:15

Sorry, what's POF?

ilikeyourface Mon 24-Mar-14 07:20:06

Plenty of fish

itwillgetbettersoon Mon 24-Mar-14 08:33:13

I'm not a name changer either. I've not received obscene texts. If someone doesn't respond to a text I don't chase it up. I also now wait for the other person to contact me first. I've been on two dates with men that wanted long term relationships. Both were very nice men but not for me. I don't get many matches as I have made it very clear that I have young children, busy life and I'm not looking for ons or FWB. I think tinder is fine. I think it is a gentle intro to OD as you don't know who rejects you and you can only contact someone if you both like each other. In the larger cities it might be used as a pick up site - but it works both ways the women on there must want that too.

I've certainly not been picked up or offered sex :-)

Zeeeon Mon 24-Mar-14 09:14:46

I have two male friends who have met their girlfriends on Tinder, neither of them have met anyone else on it. There are people looking for just sex but they're easy enough to avoid, if you don't want that.

Stillcomingtoterms Mon 24-Mar-14 11:50:58

Thanks all.

I've had a few matches but I haven't messaged anyone first yet. I'm guessing man 1 wanted something casual because when I updated my info to say I didn't want ons he stopped messaging.
It turns out man 2 had messaged me but I hadn't seen it so were still chatting.
I've put on my info that I have children and that I am not interested in ons. So I guess that should deter the others.

Takingbackmonday Mon 24-Mar-14 12:55:38

I adore Tinder, I've had quite a few dates on it with great men who weren't just after sex.

bouncyagain Mon 24-Mar-14 17:46:24

Yes my profile says I have a child. It reduces the time wasters.

itwillgetbettersoon Mon 24-Mar-14 18:14:14

I agree Stillcomingtoterms. I think it is better to be upfront and honest about what you are looking for. As I have children they are my priorities so men need to know that I can't just drop everything and go for a drink etc.

Stillcomingtoterms Mon 24-Mar-14 22:08:34

I've found it hard to know what to say as they don't put any personal info on to give you a clue where to start

JaceyBee Mon 24-Mar-14 22:27:24

I always swore I would never do OD but a friend talked me into trying tinder and I've had loads of fun and met some really cool guys, most of whom I'm now good mates with smile

I'm not looking for a relationship and am happy with casual/fwb for now but I've seen plenty of guys on there who say they're looking for something more serious. I think it's whatever you want it to be.

Just have fun with it, good luck!

itwillgetbettersoon Mon 24-Mar-14 22:33:27

Stillcomingtoterms - it is hard as to what to say. I normally start asking what they have been upto, where they live ( tinder can go funny on distances) and jobs. I do arrange to meet for a coffee very quickly as I don't want to get emotionally involved via text and then be disappointed. I tend to think that you don't really know what someone is like until you meet them. I am a bit of a snob regarding their language in their texts. I don't like being called. Hon or doll or text talk so I don't tend to continue the dialogue.

bouncyagain Tue 25-Mar-14 06:04:08

One of the things I like about Tinder is that (most of the time) you see people's real name. Names matter to me, and it makes a difference as to whether I am interested. I suppose some people would see that as shallow, although I don't think it is any worse than the obsession about height that some people have.

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