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How do u make a non communicator communicate????

(18 Posts)
Onesieone Sun 23-Mar-14 10:22:35

That's it really. My DP is a bugger for going into silent moods. He will speak when spoken to and is pleasent enough when doing so bit will not initiate conversation or even small talk. If I ask what's wrong? He just says nothing! It's bloody maddening! Any tips on how to get the huffy bugger to talk??!

BuzzardBird Sun 23-Mar-14 10:25:33

Are you quite 'shouty'?

Onesieone Sun 23-Mar-14 10:31:07

No definately not. And I usually try to ignore the "huff" as I would with the kids. Like last night he's in one of these moods and this morning he hasn't spoken to anyone yet!
Hal of me thinks well fuck u if u can't speak to is I'm not speaking to u. The other half thinks I should rise above it and carry one.

BuzzardBird Sun 23-Mar-14 10:37:04

I would ignore it or give him one chance to tell you calmly Wtf is wrong with him and then ignore him if he doesn't tell you. You must remember though that some people prefer to be quiet.

Onesieone Sun 23-Mar-14 10:38:34

True. I agree. But how can we discuss it then. Like what if it's something I have done to piss him off how the hell do I know if he doesn't tell me.

hamptoncourt Sun 23-Mar-14 11:23:42

OP you cannot force another adult to communicate with you or do anything really that they do not wish to do.

It sounds to me as though you and your partner are not compatible in this respect. For me it would be a deal breaker as although I like my peace and quiet, I would hate to feel ignored like this. For me communication is very important in a relationship.

You post that you are worried you have done something to piss him off. Do you then feel like you are treading on eggshells around him? It doesn't sound healthy to be honest.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 11:34:21

I agree with the PP that you're incompatible. Love is.... as the cartoon used to say... liking someone as they are, not trying to shoe-horn them into a shape that they're never going to fit. If he's always been like this then he's not going to change. You either take him as he is or you choose a different partner that's more to your taste....

Finola1step Sun 23-Mar-14 11:41:02

You can't force him to communicate.

Onesieone Sun 23-Mar-14 11:44:45

Ok so I just ride it out then. Thanks for the perspective.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 23-Mar-14 12:03:45

Oh god- is it my ex???

You'll get fed up of riding it'll start to hate him for it. It's such shitty behaviour. Rude, grumpy and unattractive!!!

HanselandGretel Sun 23-Mar-14 12:15:36

It's passive aggressive behaviour, the worst sort. A way of controlling the situation, appearing pleasant but withholding in a covert angry way.
You can't make him communicate and don't exhaust yourself tyring but I suggest you go to couples counselling if this is an ongoing issue, he might listen to a third party. From you he may be defensive and like you say, he's not admitting anything is wrong while silently fuming, that's just destructive.
I've been with a PA ex and it messes with your mind, they can be sneaky in lots of other ways too, not saying yours is but PA people don't deal with people on the up and up, they are very controlling and underhand in general.

Apocalypto Sun 23-Mar-14 12:24:10

If you've done something wrong and can't figure out what it is unless it is spelt out to you in nice short words, maybe you're the one who can't communicate.

Women speak around 20,000 words a day, men around 7,000. Who would you say is more effective at communication?

Onesieone Sun 23-Mar-14 12:40:34

Ooooohhhh apocalypto! Maybe. I could be one I those annoyingly un self aware people.
Except I know I'm not. I absolutely know I'm not. I
It seems his issue
Is that my parents have a spare key to our house and while we were away they came in and opened and closed curtains too make the place look lived in. What bastards ehh? FFs.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 23-Mar-14 12:45:12

So....instead of chatting it through, or even having an outburst and letting you know, he's been on a silent strop?

Man child much??

And no...when you've been with a non communicator/stroppy bastard/ea/stone Waller you would never suggest it was the other persons communications skills! It is their issues. Full stop.

hookedonchoc Sun 23-Mar-14 12:58:21

Hm, my OH and I will both do this sometimes if we are cross about something but know we are being unreasonable. If something annoys us, we can't help being cross, but we won't bring it up if it's something we've no right to be annoyed by (like helpful in-laws...). So we'll just stamp about and be monosyllabic until we get distracted by something else and forget it. Works for us, but mainly because we both understand and forgive the behaviour.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 13:34:11

Apocalypto is a well-known trouble-maker OP... ignore.

Onesieone Mon 24-Mar-14 17:42:25

Thank you cogito! I am familiar with this posters work. Therefore I took the comments with a pinch of salt. Thanks again x

wonderingwendy Mon 24-Mar-14 19:45:11

you can't and this is the reason me and dh have ended our marriage. I couldn't deal with it oh and a 100 other reasons.
sorry that wasn't more helpful

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