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Tips on reducing anxiety after EA relationship?

(4 Posts)
MsAnonymousYummyMummy Sun 23-Mar-14 09:22:32

Hi
I left my emotionally abusive stbxh 7 weeks ago and whilst I am a lot happier I am almost constantly anxious. This affects me physically - disrupted sleep and upset tummy. I take good care of myself - eating well, go to gym 3 times a week, have massage every 3-4 weeks. I have the odd glass of wine but know too much wouldn't be good for me and anyway I couldn't deal with the hangovers! I also see a counsellor every 3-4 weeks for 1 hr. I'm quite organised and keep busy but find myself getting stressed over little things and some of my routines border on OCD. I can't go NC with ex unfortunately as he sees our son 3x a week. I keep contact brief but I still find it stressful emotionally (he hasn't caused any issues, it's just the reminders). Whilst I realise a certain level of anxiety is to be expected, I am hoping other mners can give some tips on how to reduce my anxiety, and ensure it doesn't escalate. I am not keen on a medication solution.

Thanks for reading smile

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 23-Mar-14 09:32:16

I would consider enrolling on Womens Aid Freedom Programme and attending this as this could well help you longer term too. Its for women who have been in abusive relationships.

Have you talked about the anxiety you are feeling with this counsellor?. Also is this counsellor someone you can truly work with?.

Where do the handovers take place; perhaps this could be looked at as well again particularly in the event the ex is visiting your home.

MsAnonymousYummyMummy Sun 23-Mar-14 15:42:24

Thanks for the reply

I have done the freedom course on-line I think it has actually contributed to my anxiety by making me realise exactly the kind of person I was with! I looked into the face to face one to meet others but they are run whilst I am in work.

In the week my stbxh picks our son up from nursery then drops him at mine. On the weekend we'll do 1 journey each e.g. I'll drop him off and he'll drop him back. I don't think it would make much difference wherever we did the handovers it's just seeing him/talking to him!

Any other ideas?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 17:46:05

I think you may benefit from having other things to focus on besides the nursery trips and your routines. One of the big effects of emotional bullying is that it smashes confidence. Another is that it is very isolating Rebuilding that confidence is easier when the bully is no longer around but, given that you've got him in the picture still, you'll just have to push him to one side and get on with it.

So confidence-boosters.... friends, family and a good social life are a great start. Being with people that actually like you, being busy, having interesting things to look forward to rather than rituals to fall back on. Takes some effort to be sociable when you are a lone parent to a baby but get creative, find babysitters, get interesting people in your life and your ex will be less of a presence. Work is also a good way to feel better about yourself, feel worthwhile, valuable and so on.

Also set yourself a few challenges. Could be very small stuff to start with - one of mine was 'learn how to use the petrol mower' smile - but every time you achieve a small goal it will improve your self-esteem

Good luck

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