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In a mess with housing, didn't know where to post

(17 Posts)
OneAprilDay Sun 23-Mar-14 00:38:43

I don't know whether this really belongs in money or legal, but at its heart it's a relationship problem so here goes.

My partner and I have split for good after a turbulent few months. We have been on and off since our baby was a few months old and the situation has became increasingly intolerable. There was a constant undercurrent of resentment. Despite not wanting to argue in front of him we were, I didn't want him to get older and hear us arguing from upstairs like when we were kids. I am upset, but sure this is the right thing. Our relationship has broken down beyond repair, I no longer feel any love or tenderness towards him at all, cannot get over how he has let me down. I used to fall out with him but know we would be back together soon, that is gone now. I feel we have made the final break and I can see no way back for us.

I am just so upset at how I have let my son down. I am back living at my parents sharing a tiny room with my baby- I have to shuffle in sideways to avoid banging in to his crib. I don't know what I will do when he is too big for his crib which is rapidly approaching. He will be sharing with me in a single or in a travel cot. I have left so many of his things behind because there is just no room for them sad.

There is no way out for us, I am currently on maternity leave but will be going back to a low paid, full time job on a temp contract. I cannot see them letting me go part time as they will want to use it as an excuse to get rid of me as the department is downsizing. I have no savings, just a mountain of credit card debt. Although I was living with my partner and contributing to the household I never 'officially' moved in in any real sense. All bills were in his name, I am still on the electoral roll at my parent's address, most of my mail and accounts are set up with that address.

He owns a house which I have no interest in, the mortgage and deeds are solely in his name (don't want to drip feed so will say his parents gave him almost all of the money for it, he has a small mortgage). I wouldn't want to take any part of his house even if I could but I feel this leaves me in a sticky situation. The council/Housing Association will just see me as living at my parents, that we have a roof over our heads, but it's not realistic in the long term. They are wonderfully supportive but I can't live in their box bedroom with my son forever, they cannot move in their own house for our possessions.

I think I just want to know if it gets better...

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 23-Mar-14 06:09:32

What my friend did when her DD was in a similar situation was to trigger the local housing authority's emergency housing system by formally 'evicting' her DD and baby from the home. Sounds drastic and her DD had to go into temporary accommodation for a few months but she was quite quickly allocated a lovely 2-bed housing association property nearby.

The system may be different where you are but it's worth booking an appointment with the LHA and putting that scenario to them. Overcrowding and imminent homelessness... See what they say. The charity Shelter is also very good I understand.

tribpot Sun 23-Mar-14 07:24:03

Have you involved the CSA? Are you claiming all the benefits you're entitled to? I agree with Cog, I think you need to be 'evicted' by your parents and take things from there.

superbagpuss Sun 23-Mar-14 07:41:12

your parents need to throw you out to trigger a council / housing association place

something2say Sun 23-Mar-14 07:46:45

There are no council houses left. Emergency housing is for emergencies, not people who have made poor life choices and now can't support themselves. My advice to you is to find a private rent within the local housing benefit allowance and live there. You are not homeless, you just don't like your choices.

CuriosityCola Sun 23-Mar-14 07:55:34

Something, you could say that about anyone who ends up living in council accommodation. It also depends on the area you live in. Where I am from they are practically giving one and two bed properties away, especially if you don't mind living in a flat or upper villa.

However, something's advice is good. As you have a full time job, you could possibly be forced to pay the emergency accommodation rental amount, which is extremely high!

Communication and relentless reminding is your friend. Get on good terms with cab and the council office and don't give up!!!

Definitely involve the council. A relative of ours is pregnant and left her dp. She was allocated a new build two bedroom House within 3 weeks. I was shocked by how quick it was to get social housing. Especially as dh and I work full time so aren't entitled to any help but move house on a yearly basis due to private landlords selling up sad

It does depend on what area you live but it seems to me that you will be given high priority especially if your parents evict you.

You should be entitled to housing benefit and other financial support too. But make sure your ex financially supports his child. Open a case with the Csa asap.

You've got your parent's support, You and your baby will be o.k. Best of luck op

wherethewildthingis Sun 23-Mar-14 08:28:41

something how completely unhelpful and rude. I suppose you have never found yourself vulnerable and in need of some help?
OP, social housing is exactly for people in your situation. You might also be able to access a rent or deposit advance scheme for a private rent. Definitely go and see the council.
Also, can I suggest that your ex has some responsibility for making sure his child has somewhere to live? Will he be reasonable and help financially in getting you set up somewhere?

ALittleStranger Sun 23-Mar-14 09:54:24

There are no council houses left. Emergency housing is for emergencies, not people who have made poor life choices and now can't support themselves. My advice to you is to find a private rent within the local housing benefit allowance and live there. You are not homeless, you just don't like your choices.

You don't know much about homelessness law do you something or real life. If the OP's parents ask her to leave then the council will get involved. They might try and fob her off with housing options but they can definitely help.

Parsley1234 Sun 23-Mar-14 10:41:59

Something to say that is very unkind and unhelpful. Op you can speak to your local council to the homeless unit who may have a list of private rentals available they also may have access to a deposit scheme for private landlords to encourage that relationship. In my area though the top rent for lone parent one child is 525 a month so not a great deal as my area is expensive however each area varies also ask your parents to make you homeless as in over crowding issue good luck !

OneAprilDay Sun 23-Mar-14 11:38:57

Thank you all for your replies, I know I am in a fortunate position to have so much support from my family and I do appreciate it. They would help me out with money for deposits and things but to afford rent and bills I would have to wait until I am working again as I am on a reduced wage at the minute.

Money hasn't came up between me and him yet. I don't think either of us thought it was truly over until recently. It had been very friendly, him popping in every day to spend time with the baby. Now he says he doesn't want to come here anymore apart from to pick the baby up and take him out. He will struggle to pay the mortgage and bills and feed himself without my wage, I don't want to take his money while I have support off my family, although I will need some help if I am on my own.

I hope he would be reasonable. My parents have been very generous buying white goods etc. for what was our home but is now his.

OneAprilDay Sun 23-Mar-14 11:42:37

I hate the idea of my parents 'throwing me out'. I know it is to set the ball rolling but they have been so good. In their 60s and offering to swap rooms with me and put bunk beds in the box room so me and my son can have more space. This isn't how I thought my life would go sad.

To anybody who was in my situation, does it get better? I need to think that me and my son can make a nice life for ourselves.

Mrs4561 Sun 23-Mar-14 11:54:24

Have you had a look at what benefits you would be entitled to if you didn't go back to work? It's just a thought, always wise to check out all your options.
www.entitledto.co.uk/calculator/
You can use this calculator to check what help you would get in different situations, if you went part time for example.

tribpot Sun 23-Mar-14 12:02:09

Unfortunately you can't afford to have quite so many sensibilities about your situation. Here's the reality: you're living in a box room, the father of your child is paying fuck all towards him, and your employment prospects are not great.

Now, you can take the view that whilst your parents are prepared to house you, you shouldn't be trying to avail yourself of social housing, but is that really fair? There's basically no space for you in that house. And certainly none for your stuff, so at minimum you need to jettison most of your possessions if you're going to stay.

You can also take the view that you shouldn't take money off him whilst you're being subsidised by your pensioner parents but again, is that fair? Given how long the claims take to process, kicking things off now is only sensible and right. How he manages the bills on the other place is his problem - his parents funded the house and yours the white goods, he's done pretty alright for himself, let's be honest. (Even if he were prepared to give you those white goods back, what on earth would you do with them?)

Whilst you're living at your parents', you've presumably got some childcare support that would enable you to look for another job. Is that feasible? Are you on SMP only? Will your salary be sufficient to cover your costs including childcare?

You need to find out what benefits you can claim. Thank goodness, you have your family who can help to back you up as well but you need to start moving forward.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore Sun 23-Mar-14 12:14:39

I had to "evict" my DD and DGS, as we were so overcrowded that after a couple years, I had to give her 30 days notice. The council moved her towards the top of council housing list. A property came up that they wanted filled immediately - a number of people higher up couldn't move in right away, so it filtered down to DD and DGS, as they could move in within the week. Four years later, she now has a lovely new partner and they are buying a home and turning the council property back in to the council.

So it does get better eventually.

starsandunicorns Sun 23-Mar-14 12:20:25

Op my dp parents wrote a letter to excit him and was offered a flat which he took infact his dad wrote it within a hour of being told good luck

starsandunicorns Sun 23-Mar-14 12:22:44

And op at least your parents are supporting you mine didnt when I got made homless with dc can you think of it as a just a letter to help you

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