Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

feeling worried as i told about abuse...

(23 Posts)
hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 21:47:38

Right. I have interchanged.

I had nd with my mum and step dad for three years. I realised my step dad behaved inappropriately with me when I turned twelve. I think it was going on from when I was nine ish... I was too frightened to tell as my mother emotionally manipulated me as she was jealous of his infatuation with me.

I cut contact when my own daughter was 5 years old as I was sick with worry when they visited. I was never able to tell of the abuse. No one would believe me.
I have recently found out my brothers daughter aged 9 has been staying over and I felt sick. I just messaged my brother (whom I had no contact with as he feels I have been unfair on my mum as he didn't know) to advise him in the strongest possible terms not to trust my step dad with her and that things happened I cannot talk about.

This could blow up big style. Or he will think I have lost my mind and am a vindictive hitch. I am scared he will think even less of me a ignore my warning for his daughters sake.

crispyporkbelly Sat 22-Mar-14 21:49:22

Well done, that was really brave

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 21:49:30


Sorry am flustered

Nomama Sat 22-Mar-14 21:51:55

Hardly surprising. You have just done an enormous thing.

Hand held, should you want it!

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 21:56:09

Thank you both. I don't know if he will respond. It was on Facebook and it may take a couple of days before he reads it I think. We are not friends in Facebook but I sent a hello message a couple of weeks back that I saw was read, he didn't reply though.

I have a terrible feeling he will ignore me sad

Hassled Sat 22-Mar-14 21:59:03

If he ignores you, could you try your niece's mother?
And well done - you did a good thing, and it must have been very hard.

mymiraclebubba Sat 22-Mar-14 22:02:16

Hand to hold here to!!

Unfortunately unless you fully out yourself and speak up then you really can't protect you dniece

As a rape victim I can completely understand why you don't want to speak out!! Fwiw I never went to the police but after a significant amount of booting myself up the backside I did tell people close to me and when my attacker (a friend) tried to verbally abuse me and manipulate me I made a very public statement in front of several of his friends.

Speaking out is excruciatingly hard but it is the best thing I ever did so please consider it!

In the meantime all you cam do is protect your dd and hope that dbro gets what you are implying and protects his dd

HoneyandRum Sat 22-Mar-14 22:03:51

Please call the mother ASAP - don't hope they see this message. Abusers such as these don't change especially when they are protected by everyone's silence.

Lweji Sat 22-Mar-14 22:06:19

If he doesn't reply I think you should follow the advice to contact the mother of your niece, and failing that, the police.

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 22:08:15

I don't have any phone numbers any more. Wife isn't on fb. We live miles and miles away. They won't believe me. My mum wouldn't and my brother won't. It wasn't rape. Not that it matters. I am responsible for her safety but no one would listen to me. No way as these people are so good at acting normal.

mymiraclebubba Sat 22-Mar-14 22:09:38

But that is how they get away with it!!

Imagine it was your dd, what would you be telling her?

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 22:10:43

Police cannot do anything. He never touched me. Said inappropriate things, downloaded dodgy porn (I did report but nothing happened) would stand and watch me in the bath and shower. Nothing illegal as such but highly inappropriate for many many years.

Lweji Sat 22-Mar-14 22:11:20

In that case, the best you can do is raise the alarm with authorities, police, SS, or ring the NSPCC for advice.

mymiraclebubba Sat 22-Mar-14 22:14:13

Have you actually spoken to the police op? I think you will find that they very much would believe you!

You are describing a pedophile -watching you in the shower, lurid comments, dodgy porn...all red flags. It not escalating to rape in your case means you were very lucky or out grew his preferred age before he had been able to groom you. You are concerned enough to stop contact for your dd, so speak to them and see what they say!

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 22:15:08

Can't take him to court for historical voyeurism. He was so devious walking in on me in the loo having 'broken' the lock, take the door handle off so he could watch through the whole, put an ottoman outside the bathroom so he could watch through the little Windows and vents. Comments about my breasts...for years. But nothing solid. Nothing to report.

Omg what do I do

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 22:17:01

I contacted belch and they gave me Samaritans and another victim abuse helpline. There is nothing concrete. I didn't know my brother saw so much of them

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 22:17:29

Nspcc not belch argh

Lweji Sat 22-Mar-14 22:17:44

Seriously, call NSPCC for advice. Or SS.

They might not be able to prosecute, but protection measures could be put in place. At least to prevent the girl spending time with him.

Lweji Sat 22-Mar-14 22:18:15

Ups, sorry. Cross post.

hellbreakingloose Sat 22-Mar-14 22:19:36

I will look online and see what I can do. Thank you and sorry

Didyouhearmeontheradio Sat 22-Mar-14 23:08:08

Look at your local police force's website and search for Sarah's Law. You contact them, they check out and warn anyone they need to to keep your niece safe. You will not necessarily hear the outcome. Even if you think it's a waste of time, you should do it. You never know who has had similar complaints against him along the way.

KathrynJaneway Sat 22-Mar-14 23:45:35

You did a good brave thing, I hope your brother takes action for his daughter's sake.

Dirtybadger Sun 23-Mar-14 01:35:33

There might not be enough evidence to support a criminal conviction but your story may (well, will) be enough to get SS engaged. SS don't need the same burden of proof as a criminal court to act upon an allegation. They can protect your neice should you feel able to inform them.
And for your own sake I would recommend following through with the victim support agencies.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now