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my husband goes AWOL

(120 Posts)
amals1 Sat 22-Mar-14 21:11:46

I'm going to sound like the biggest loser, but I literally have no idea where my husband is. I've been married for 6yrs and have young sons but my husband walks out on a weekly basis. I'm now at a point were I don't know what to think. He won't answer calls or texts and I always beg him to come home back to us. I'm beyond pathetic!

fortyplus Sat 22-Mar-14 21:13:35

Go and stay with a friend so he comes home to an empty house!

sneakyday Sat 22-Mar-14 21:13:55

Is he walking out on you on a weekly basis? You cant live like that wouldnt life be easier without that stress?

Guitargirl Sat 22-Mar-14 21:13:55

Huh?

Do you mean he always goes at the same time each week? Or does this happen after an argument or something?

HectorVector Sat 22-Mar-14 21:17:26

Husbands do not go AWOL, unless they're up to something. sad
Sorry.
Unless he has unlimited funds or is staying with family, he's probably with someone else. Does he cause arguments on purpose just so he can leave?

amals1 Sat 22-Mar-14 21:18:10

He just manages not to come home. Could be after work, running an errand. The majority of times there aren't any arguments. I'm just drained.

cozietoesie Sat 22-Mar-14 21:19:23

What is his behaviour like the rest of the time?

HectorVector Sat 22-Mar-14 21:20:48

Have you actually asked him where he goes?

BIWI Sat 22-Mar-14 21:22:02

Put the chain on the door and go to bed.

Guitargirl Sat 22-Mar-14 21:22:11

Where does he say he's been when he gets home?

Secret smoker? Drugs? Other woman/man? Just likes playing mind games?

Whereisegg Sat 22-Mar-14 21:23:47

Bloody hell op, what a twat he is!

Is there any legal reason you can't change the locks?

amals1 Sat 22-Mar-14 21:24:47

Helps with the kids, house etc. Is loving but the minute he walks out the door Im on edge. He says there's no1 else but I have no trust in him. How can someone just go out and stay gone for days. Usually on weekends. I feel alone and to blame. I've always just left the door open for him to do this.

ormirian Sat 22-Mar-14 21:26:44

Hi amals, my husband went through a phase of doing this. He would simply not come home from work. Usually he was just in the pub but sometimes he wasn't.I hated turning up looking for him like Flo Capp but sometimes I had to. Sometimes I couldn't find him. Often I didn't see him fir 48 hours. We had a young baby at the time. But there was a reason of sorts. His father had just died and there were 'issues'....heaps and heaps of them. He sorted it out but it left its mark. I never totally got over the resentment.

You need to tackle it.What reason does he give? It can't go on.

Catsmamma Sat 22-Mar-14 21:27:20

empty the bank account, he'll soon come home when he has no money.

why are you tolerating this abuse?

HectorVector Sat 22-Mar-14 21:28:11

I'm sorry but I truly believe he is with another woman, and I think you do too.
The next time he goes AWOL, do not let him return.

amals1 Sat 22-Mar-14 21:28:22

I seperated from him for two months late last year and I felt relief. But almost every day my boys would ask for him and I felt guilty.

fortyplus Sat 22-Mar-14 21:28:58

For days?? That's so far removed from normal behaviour I'd issue an ultimatum. You are being take for a ride - he's got someone else and he's an arse.

Doinmummy Sat 22-Mar-14 21:29:45

My friends husband did this- he was taking drugs. It's unacceptable and you should not have to put up with this amount of stress.

He was lovely when he was at home and good company etc but she lives on her nerves wondering when / if he would come home.

amals1 Sat 22-Mar-14 21:30:51

HectorVector I don't know what to think. I'm just ashamed.

thenightsky Sat 22-Mar-14 21:30:52

Bloody hell OP.

He sounds like a tom cat rather than a husband.

sad

cozietoesie Sat 22-Mar-14 21:36:40

I don't actually think he's got another woman but I do think he's got clear problems. That doesn't help you though and - to a degree - you're enabling him by allowing him to go and yet always being there to provide 'safe haven' when he decides to return.

You can't go on like this. And the boys might ask for him at the moment but what is the situation going to be in a few years if he just leaves when he feels like it? What stability does it give them.

He's playing with you and not facing up to this relationship and his responsibilities for the DCs. I'd leave him directly and forge a new and independent life for you and the children.

fortyplus Sat 22-Mar-14 21:37:12

amals1 you have no reason to be ashamed - he does!

cozietoesie Sat 22-Mar-14 21:37:45

Do you have family or friends nearby who know about this or could provide you with some support?

Back2Two Sat 22-Mar-14 21:39:36

Oh god, that is awful. How horrible for you, and how horrendously disrespectful.

It would drive me crazy so I don't know how you have managed. But I do know that you can't let this contInue.

You deserve SO much more than this load of shit. And your boys desperately need a better role model. No way. He can't let them think that this is a relationship.

Stay on here and take the advice. You left once, you can do it again. We've only got one go at all this stuff and he is wasting your bloody time.

Aussiebean Sat 22-Mar-14 21:41:28

You should not be the one ashamed.

The man child who walks out on his wife and child every week, leaves her frantic and their child upset with no apology or a reasonable explanation and an assurance it won't happen again.

The shame here is not yours.

Change the locks and go away for a few days. He should not have this power of you.

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